When you have an eating disorder, its so easy to just focus on the number. You decide you want to weigh a certain number, and thats the number you are going to be at. But it doesnt work that way. Just because you want to weigh X kilo, doesnt mean your body is going to be happy there. That you are going to have energy, be happy, be eating enough to actually sustain that weight.
Your body will fight you, your body wants to survive, be happy. If your body is at a too low weight or not getting enough food, it will begin shutting down the less important things in your body, i.e if your a female you'll stop menstruating. Your metabolism slows down, you grow more hair on your body to keep you warm, while you lose hair on your head as you dont have enough nutrients.
Its not YOU who decides where your body is healthy at. Its not just pick the lowest number. What does the number on the scale really matter? Its only you who sees it. It just tells you your mass - bones, muscles, water, organs etc Its like your height, it gives you your length, that doesnt make you panic because you grw a few mm's, it doesnt make you happy because you lost a few mm's... infact the opposite, it makes you sad most probably.
Stop thinking in numbers. Instead, focus on being happy and healthy.
I know its easy to get caught up on a number, I did as well. My goal weight was 58-60kg, and i weighed 54-55kg, and i basically said i cant and i wont gain anymore weight. I didnt want to reach my goal weight, i was scared. I kept telling myself i was healthy when i weighed around 55kg, but i wasnt!!! I still had my ED thoughts, still had some fear foods, often felt sad and depressed and still had my fat feelings coming back. I was on a balancing scale... it was so easy to tip over the edge, relapse and lose weight again, which i did begin doing. I was scared of taking the leap and letting myself reach my goal weight.... see how i felt then. I was just so focused on the number. I didnt want to weigh more.
But i took that leap of faith. I let my body take care of itsself. I began listening to my body, eating when i was hungry, no calore counting. Exercising and resting. I let go of the number on the scale and then when i reached 58-60kg, thats where my body was happy at. I went up and down 2kg, which is natural for the body, and i stayed that weight for almost a year until i began fiocusing more on strength training, which then resulted in my gaining muscle mass and weight.... so now i weigh around 65kg. And i know numbers can be triggering, so im sorry about that. But i just want to show that you shouldnt be scared of the number on the scale, im open and saying that i weigh 65kg.... a number i never even thought possible... My lowest weight was around 39kg, and in recovery i said i refused to ever weigh more than 50kg.... my highest weight before i got an ED was around 50-53kg, and it scared me to have to weigh more than that.
But you know what, i was almost 5 years older, alot taller as well.. of course i had to weigh more than i did before my ED began.
Numbers like on the scale dont matter to me, and they shouldnt matter to you either. You have to take care of your body, listen to your body. Not try to control it!!!
Read this text below, and try to remember it!!