Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Saturday, December 19, 2015

Healthy set point

Something which i thought i would bring up this morning is about your bodies healthy set point. Your body naturally has a healthy weight, a weight where it is comfortable, safe and healthy at. Some people need a higher weight to function at, others a little lower. It is very individual.
   When you have an eating disorder, its so easy to just focus on the number. You decide you want to weigh a certain number, and thats the number you are going to be at. But it doesnt work that way. Just because you want to weigh X kilo, doesnt mean your body is going to be happy there. That you are going to have energy, be happy, be eating enough to actually sustain that weight.
   Your body will fight you, your body wants to survive, be happy. If your body is at a too low weight or not getting enough food, it will begin shutting down the less important things in your body, i.e if your a female you'll stop menstruating. Your metabolism slows down, you grow more hair on your body to keep you warm, while you lose hair on your head as you dont have enough nutrients.

Its not YOU who decides where your body is healthy at. Its not just pick the lowest number. What does the number on the scale really matter? Its only you who sees it. It just tells you your mass - bones, muscles, water, organs etc Its like your height, it gives you your length, that doesnt make you panic because you grw a few mm's, it doesnt make you happy because you lost a few mm's... infact the opposite, it makes you sad most probably.
   Stop thinking in numbers. Instead, focus on being happy and healthy.

I know its easy to get caught up on a number, I did as well. My goal weight was 58-60kg, and i weighed 54-55kg, and i basically said i cant and i wont gain anymore weight. I didnt want to reach my goal weight, i was scared. I kept telling myself i was healthy when i weighed around 55kg, but i wasnt!!! I still had my ED thoughts, still had some fear foods, often felt sad and depressed and still had my fat feelings coming back. I was on a balancing scale... it was so easy to tip over the edge, relapse and lose weight again, which i did begin doing. I was scared of taking the leap and letting myself reach my goal weight.... see how i felt then. I was just so focused on the number. I didnt want to weigh more.

But i took that leap of faith. I let my body take care of itsself. I began listening to my body, eating when i was hungry, no calore counting. Exercising and resting. I let go of the number on the scale and then when i reached 58-60kg, thats where my body was happy at. I went up and down 2kg, which is natural for the body, and i stayed that weight for almost a year until i began fiocusing more on strength training, which then resulted in my gaining muscle mass and weight.... so now i weigh around 65kg. And i know numbers can be triggering, so im sorry about that. But i just want to show that you shouldnt be scared of the number on the scale, im open and saying that i weigh 65kg.... a number i never even thought possible... My lowest weight was around 39kg, and in recovery i said i refused to ever weigh more than 50kg.... my highest weight before i got an ED was around 50-53kg, and it scared me to have to weigh more than that.
  But you know what, i was almost 5 years older, alot taller as well.. of course i had to weigh more than i did before my ED began.

Numbers like on the scale dont matter to me, and they shouldnt matter to you either. You have to take care of your body, listen to your body. Not try to control it!!!

 Read this text below, and try to remember it!!

hey guess what…..even if you’re at a “normal” bmi….you might need to ask yourself….”can i maintain this weight without any disordered behavior?” 
if the answer is no….that’s not your body’s set point..!! and you will function 8 million times better once you let your body settle where it feels most comfortable. it is okay to gain weight.


  1. Hi there, so this is where I'm at the moment, my height is 172 cm and I'm currently weighting 55kg and I've been trying to convince myself and my body that this is where I'm the healthiest but to maintain this weight I still have to be careful with what I eat, skip some snacks here and there , and If I'm totally honest I've never been thin in my life so yeah.... My mom and I agreed that I would start excersing at 57kg because at that weight I would be at a healthy BMI of 19 and not at the minimun like I'm at the moment, but I feel scared of gaining more, I mean I like how clothes look on me... That sounded superficial but yeah, I know that I'm not living at my fullest but at the same time I'm scared of letting go and not being able to stop. Any advice??
    Thanks, love your blog :)

    1. I am 172 cm as well! 55 is still not enough to be healthy and keep enough fat for hormonal functions etc. My goal weight two years ago was 56 kg (it depends on your age as well). Today I am perfectly healthy and my body has found it's healthy setpoint at 58-59 kg. I am still slim, but I no longer have these obsessive thoughts about food all the time. Now I am happy, less stressed and can enjoy other things without being so darn anxious about food and weight all the time. When I reached 56 kg I would try to lower my weight a bit so than I would not live in fear of exceeding my goal weight, that I considered a maximum weight.

      I can remember the last few kilos as tornmenting - the thought of gaining more scared me. Though, just let it happen and you will be there before you know it. It is tough at first, but within short time you'll be glad you did it and you woun't even understand why this bothered you so much.

      57 kg is still quite low. It is not skeletal, but definately in the lower area. And I think you need to trust your body a bit more than you are currently doing ;) It is great at balancing things out by itself! Just look up "homeostasis" - your body is basically an expert at keeping things where it wants it to be, if you let it :)Meaning you will not keep gaining as your body will be more comfortable at your healthy weight than at an even higher (or lower).
      I hope this helps :)


  2. Hi Izzy,
    I've been reading your blog in bits and pieces over the last year until about a month ago I realised you were still active!! You are so inspiring and all your posts are so well put together!!

    Anyway, I've had an ED (well, serious ED, my entire life I have been disordered) since I was 12. I'm now 15 and still struggling. (Sorry for mentioning weight TW) In October I was in hospital for a month and put on 5kg, when I got out I lost 4kg in 2 weeks and then was hospitalised for another month and put on 6kg. So I started out 42kg and by the end of all of it I was 49kg. I've been out for 2 weeks and although I've lost 2kg I'm really struggling with my stomach, I have 3 extra rolls that I haven't had in years, and my arms are huge (I don't seem to put weight on my legs, so I feel like a spoon and that makes me so insecure)

    I know I have to put on weight ASAP because otherwise I'll be put in hospital again, and gain more weight anyway.

    I can't handle how rapidly my body has changed, and I want to exercise because I genuinely love it and always have, but I can't because the smallest amount of exercise makes my blood pressure low for days afterwards (like 80/40 low) and makes my heart rate jump from lying to standing, which will make me go back into hospital.

    If I go back into hospital, I'll be taken off my mum because I've been hospitalised 10 times, have osteopenia and haven't had my period in almost 3 years... and they think it's her fault!!! Even though she's the only one in my family that supports me.

    I don't know how to get through this... I want a life but I don't want to gain weight because it's so uneven and I don't want anyone to see me.... I only have to gain 3kg to my 1st target weight (my team has 1st and 2nd target weights to make sure your weight isn't too high for your body, so they stabilise your weight at BMI 18 for 4 months and see if hormones/heart normalise, and then go up to BMI 20 if it doesn't but they say usually they don't have to go higher than BMI 19)

    I guess I'm asking if you have any general advice? Also, how was your experience with regaining your period? Did you exercise while regaining weight and did it mess with your vitals???

    Thank you so much for creating this blog, I and many many others much appreciate your advice and hard work!

    Much love, Anon.

  3. hi I wondered if you knew what happened to my weight, i increased my diet, after a week it went up a small amount but then the 2nd week keeping to the same diet it went up a massive amount like the most it has ever done in a week. this scared me rigid and my thighs suddenly felt massive. i haven't restricted I've kept to the same plan but this week my weight went down a bit and my thighs seem less big. What happened to my thighs? I'm wondering was this muscle wgt, water weight, I'm scared to take my meds now cos i fear they are making me hold on to water at night. I'm so confused and so frightened. What happens when u exercise why do u suddenly get heavier?

    1. sorry i have also been feeling like super dizzy all the time I'm not sure whats going on with my body if I'm eating more too.

    2. I dont think anythig happened t your thighs and that it was just in your head. You saw that your weight your had increased and then you just thought thatyou had gotten bigger when it was most likelyjust water weight. Its a good thing that you kept eating the right amount and didnt restrict, i wrote a post aboutthat today about whhy you should keep eating the same amoutn even if you are bloated and such. Just because you have gained weight doesnt mean that you will look bigger or that the weight gain will be noticeable. Dizzinesss could be for many reasons but i would go to a ddoctor and check that up, but if you are exercising that could be causing the dizziniess especially if you arent eating enough. And you need to keep taking your medication. you have been given the medication fora reason so even if it makes you bloat you still need to take it, instead talk to your doctor about changing to another medicationn but dont just stop taking them. Weight can go up and down in fluctuations butjust keep eating the right amount and increasing over time as well and trust your body and the recovery process.