Waking up this morning with no alarm and knowing that I had nothing to do, nothing planned was a pretty awesome feeling. The hours have passed quickly today and the only real thing I've done today is take daisy for a walk, then sit and try to find Christmas presents to buy and then later on take my computer to see what the problem may be. Unfortunately my computer seems to be a bit of a lost cause and will cost a whole lot to fix it, but buying a new computer will cost a whole deal as well. So now I just need to sit down and try to figure out how everything will work out considering that the student life isn't exactly an easy one economically. Anyway, anxiety on that front and for the first time this year feeling the "I hate christmas" feeling as it's so much pressure about buying presents and everything costs so damn much XD but I'm going to try not get into that type of thinking because Christmas is actually about family, spending time with people you like and good food and company. It's NOT about the presents or everything costing a whole bunch.
Anyway, it feels nice with some freedom now. Because I know that in 4 weeks time I begin to study and so it's not an unknown long period of freedom, but I know that studying will begin again soon. So its easier to just relax and enjoy the freedom compared to when it's an everyday thing.
Otherwise I don't really know how I'm feeling. I haven't been writing so much about how I'm feeling, because I don't really know. It's no longer the extreme feelings where I was extremely low and feeling suicidal at times. But now more. .. neither happy or sad. Feeling distant and not wanting contact with people... but sometimes smiling and feeling ok. There are no drastic or extreme feelings which is kind of nice but still stuck somewhere in the darkness, crawling my way back to positivity and happiness!! So that was just an update on how im feeling. ... not so stressed anymore which is always a positive!! Now I'm just going to make sure to enjoy each day and try to plan for when my studies begin, already begun looking for apartments and I really really hope I get one,or even a room in a student corridor would be good!! The changes are exciting but at the same time leave me with panic, infact before falling asleep yesterday the changes about to happen left me in a very panicked state. Change is neve easy but it's also a necessary change and even if it's scary I know good things will come. It may take time to adjust but hopefully things will work out and if they don't, well then things can always change again!!!
There is no need to begin panicking right now or even in the future,but instead just making rhe best of the situation :) haha. So many changes going to happen and I hope that they are for the best and turn out good. 2016 will be a new and exciting year :)