Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Friday, December 11, 2015

Friday freedom

Waking up this morning with no alarm and knowing that I had nothing to do, nothing  planned was a pretty awesome feeling.  The hours have passed quickly today and the only real thing I've done today is take daisy for a walk, then sit and try to find Christmas presents to buy and then later on take my computer to see what the problem may be. Unfortunately my computer seems to be a bit of a lost cause and will cost a whole lot to fix it, but buying a new computer will cost a whole deal as well. So now I just need to sit down and try to figure out how everything will work out considering that the student life isn't exactly an easy one economically.  Anyway, anxiety on that front and for the first time this year feeling the "I hate christmas" feeling as it's so much pressure about buying presents and everything costs so damn much XD but I'm going to try not get into that type of thinking because Christmas is actually about family, spending time with people you like and good food and company. It's NOT about the presents or everything costing a whole bunch.

Anyway, it feels nice with some freedom now. Because I know that in 4 weeks time I begin to study and so it's not an unknown long period of freedom, but I know that studying will begin again soon. So its easier to just relax and enjoy the freedom compared to when it's an everyday thing.

Otherwise I don't really know how I'm feeling.  I haven't been writing so much about how I'm feeling, because I don't really know. It's no longer the extreme feelings where I was extremely low and feeling suicidal at times. But now more. .. neither happy or sad. Feeling distant and not wanting contact with people... but sometimes smiling and feeling ok. There are no drastic or extreme feelings which is kind of nice but still stuck somewhere in the darkness, crawling my way back to positivity and happiness!! So that was just an update on how im feeling. ... not so stressed anymore which is always a positive!! Now I'm just going to make sure to enjoy each day and try to plan for when my studies begin,  already begun looking for apartments and I really really hope I get one,or even a room in a student corridor would be good!! The changes are exciting but at the same time leave me with panic,  infact before falling asleep yesterday the changes about to happen left me in a very panicked state. Change is neve easy but it's also a necessary change and even if it's scary I know good things will come. It may take time to adjust but hopefully things will work out and if they don't, well then things can always change again!!!

There is no need to begin panicking right now or even in the future,but instead just making rhe best of the situation :) haha. So many changes going to happen and I hope that they are for the best and turn out good. 2016 will be a new and exciting year :)


  1. Since your suicidal and very low feelings have disappeared when you found out about your university studies coming through, do you think you actually even have clinical depression? Because your moods seem to have only been linked to your degree of success and achievement in order to feel validated. Which in actual depression it's not.

    1. They aren't gone... but I began taking natural medication roughly 2 weeks ago which have helped somewhat. But it's not like om magically better. ... its just that I am not feeling suicidal anymore. ... just numb and in the dark. But not so low that I want to kill myself anymore.

    2. Almost everyone feels low and lost after high school, not knowing what to do with their lives. Those who don't start working or studying are the ones who feels the worst, its very common since they don't have anything to do in their lives anymore and all their friends are either studying or working. Maybe Its a little weird to say that you suffer from depression when you haven't even met a doctor, but I know what you mean. I think and hope you will feel better when you start living a normal life again :)

  2. It's just really coincidental though that the not-wanting-to-kill-yourself feeling disappeared with your studies coming through. But either way, I'm glad you feel better and congrats on the studies and new road ahead.

    1. Well those strong feelings had begun to pass when I began with the medication and then I had no idea about university. .. infact i didnt even feel like studying anymore.

      But it feels a little strange that you are doubting me? This isnt the first time that I have suffered from depression and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last. I had days I couldn't get out of bed at all but for the most part I have made myself do stuff everyday because I have known that if I just lie in bed and refuse to do anything then I won't feel better. So I have tried to leave the house everyday and do something as well as try to think positive. Am I recovered and suddenly better from that... no, but it hasn't made things worse anyway. Everyone suffers from dpeeression and mental illness either. The way I was feeling and being suicidal I had felt for months before I opened up on my blog about it. And even on here I haven't written it all. And I choose to not really write about how I'm feeling or when I have I very low days because I feel that is triggering so instead I write about the days when I feel better as that is more inspiring than me writing that "today I couldn't leave the bed and was overcome by anxiety"...

  3. Well I think you are very brave for opening up on here that you felt so low at times you were suicidal - I had no idea from your previous posts that you were feeling that low. I am so glad the meds are helping you, hopefully they will boost your mood enough to overcome the terrible darkness you have been experiencing. I`m sure getting your university results has given you a lift but at the same time I am well aware that accepting is a huge commitment when you are struggling with depression. Don`t overload yourself, concentrate on doing what makes you feel better. I hope university doesn't prove too much of a stressor for you at the moment. But you know yourself and your feelings best so I`m sure you will only do what is right for you.
    I don`t doubt you for a moment. And I admire you for battling on through your darkest days. I`m so sorry you have been so terribly low and I hope brighter days are ahead for you. Good luck and take care, and please feel free to open up on here because there are lots of us who care about you, and will share the ups and downs with you, just as you help us. ((()))