Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Body image and pancake snack

It's strange how body image can change so quickly. How yesterday I felt very positive regarding body image and felt very happy in my body and today it was like "damn, don't look in the mirror and don't look down".  But what had changed.... nothing really.  Maybe some water retention but otherwise nothing.

Usually I'm very neutral. I mean I like my body, I like the way I look but the important thing is to have a functioning and healthy body.  I don't spend so much time looking in the mirror or fixing myself or obsessing over the way l look.  So its just my body, the way I look. But then Somedays like today the body confidence is low and doesn't feel so fun to look in the mirror.  It's strange because I know my body hasn't changed, but it's the way I see myself and my thoughts.  And well something in my thoughts isn't right today.  But these feelings will pass, they come around sometimes but they pass again after a while.

So despite waking up and not feeling my best I still got out of the house and had some things to do. Then when I finally got home, super hungry I made myself a stack of pancakes with granola, raspberries and peanut butter as well as chocolate and a True Transparency BCAA drink :) this was one of the best things I've eaten in a while. It was super sweet so this evening it will be a salty dinner (^-^) but super tasty :) next time it will be waffles... feels like ages since I ate waffles as our waffle machine hasn't really been working :(

Otherwise my oast Christmas gifts finally arrived today!  There was some trouble with the payment as I didn't know that my bank had changed things so when you buy things online you need to approve them, so I kept wondering why my payment was being declined until I realised that I had to approve the payment! ! So even though I ordered the presents on Wednesday (I think) it wasn't until Sunday evening that the payment went through and I got the packages today, so super quick delivery!!

Now it's just time to wrap the presents and then I'm done. I'm super excited for Christmas eve (that's when we celebrate in Sweden ) as I've got my outfit planned  and I'm going to start my day with a huge delicious brunch/breakfast with my family!!! Can't wait until Christmas and new years :)


  1. <3 I would kill for your body though!
    Those pancakes look amazing ;__; wish I had the energy to make pancakes more often!

    1. Haha I don't make pancakes so often as it takes so much time!! Your body is awesome just as it is ;)

  2. Hi!

    I have a question( sorry for writing here)
    I have a classmate (recoverying anorexics) who has the same BMI as me. 17,2 both of us. But I look really normal and healthy, and she looks like a walking skeleton. Why? She has bigger boobs then me, because she became sick a year late, age 13, but i read somewhere that the boobs weight is max. 1 kg, and not more. And I am recovered (my psychologist and doctor said) but she is not.She is at her minimal weight what is healthy, but she need more 10 kgs, base on her look. And I look normal at this low BMI, based on everyone elese's opinion. Why?

    1. I think that you just see yourself as different. I am sure your classmate looks at you and thinks that you are still too skinny. When you are sick you often see yourself as bigger and think everyone else is so slim. But also even if you have the same BMI people look different. For example I have BMI 21 or something but if you compare me with someone else who has a BMI of 21 we wouldn't look the same. Due to genetics and Dna. Remember that BMI 17 is still too low and you should aim for minimum 19 so even if you feel normal you shill need to gain weight as your body isn't healthy, but neither your mindset. I would focus on yourself and your own recovery and not compare yourself to your classmate. You are two different people and will look different.

  3. Just a thought Izzy - but have you ever connected your feelings of anxiety and panic with your caffeine intake? I ask because it happened to me - I developed symptoms after starting to drink cola, and even ended up seeing my psychiatrist again fearing a relapse of my depression. Luckily after questioning me about life changes she connected the two. I stopped drinking the cola and the feelings disappeared. These days I stick to decaff tea, coffee, cola as I now know its a trigger for me. And certain meds can react against caffeine, even herbal.
    just a passing thought.

    1. I do know I have a high caffeine intake so slowly decreasing that :) and it can definitely be causing some symptoms or things, too much of anything is never good! But I don't think it has caused my depression .. but maybe it could be increasing anxiety or panic levels. Bit as mentioned, decreasing it. ... which doesn't help with my energy levels either, hahaha ^-^

  4. I see so many people around me suffering with so much worse. Blindness, motor neuron disease causing progressive paralysis and confining them to a wheelchair and slow painful death. People who fight tooth and nail just to get access to healthcare and people who can't even afford makeup or clothes. Then I think to myself, why am I such an idiot? Body image and people complaining about bloatedness? People who are obsessed with looking good. Who's biggest wish is to be blonde and toned? "Damn don't look in the mirror today." ?? It's shallow. Everyone needs to snap out of their self-centered obsession with how they look. Honestly. Stop posing and food obsessing and body checking. It's such a shallow and pointless life. And one can't always use "eating disorder thoughts as a result of mental illness" as an excuse. Most people who develop an eating disorder do so because of much deeper psychological and mental health issues that have nothing to do with a desire to be thin. You're recovered, right? So get over your superficial self.

    1. Um mm... This is an ED recovery blog. So the content is ED-centred. Yes, many aspects of EDs are shallow-seeming (this was actually a crucial aspect of my own recovery, realizing how ridiculous it was for me to live in a privileged country and have the luxury to basically invent my own illness, when millions of people have "real" problems over which they have no say... Not to negate the "realness" of an ED, mine was certainly real and severe - but realizing that I had the unique luxury of being able to get better simply because I wanted to get better.... Imagine how a terminal cancer patient would feel if one day they were given the option of recovering simply out of want of recovery!) but this blog is not a platform for what you may think are more serious problems. And because those serious issues do not appear here, that does NOT mean the writer doesn't think of them or respect the difference between struggling with an ED versus struggling with, say, civil war. It only means the writer is conscious of the theme of her own blog: EDs and recovering from EDs. The rest of her thoughts and the rest of her life are simply not part of the theme of this blog and thus are not often included. That in no way means they don't exist, or that she only thinks about what is in her posts. Coming here and calling someone out for writing about food/body related topics - ON AN EATING DISORDER BLOG - is kind of ridiculous. People come here for a specific reason and to see specific content. That is the point of a themed blog. If I wrote a puppy blog, would you call me shallow for being "so obsessed" with puppies, when there is so much else going on in the world? Or, ya know, would you just expect to read about puppies.

      This blogger has already, numerous times, addressed this exact topic to many other com mentors. She has specifically stated that this is blog is centred around EDs and therefore focuses on ED/mental health-related content. It is in no way a full picture of her life, her mind, her interests, etc. It is a small and highly specific slice of her life and her experiences and thoughts.

      All of these negative comments always end up coming down to the same thing - if you don't want to read about puppies, don't read a puppy blog. Find a venue that suits your interests better. Change what YOU are looking at, instead of trying to change others to suit you.

  5. This blog is helping me, thank you Izzy, and I want to point out that I have also (in addition to anorexia) been through kidney disease, homelessness, lived in a 3rd world country and been divorced. Among other tragedies, including the death of a friend today. But the worst kind of torture is the mental torture we put ourselves through, because it's always with us. Trust me, Izzy, you are doing a brave thing. And it IS important.