Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Saturday, December 12, 2015

Answers - coping with feelings, after recovery, physically recovered but not mentally

i really struggle with separating my feelings/things that are going on from my body. like if i feel bad its something about my body, if I'm angry then ill feel better if i starve, if i feel lonely i abuse my body etc. everything is my body's fault but i don't know how to stop what I'm feeling being transferred onto my body, how fat i feel and my food/exercise.

Well I think it's good that you are aware of why and when you use certain behaviours. You have acknowledged that it's strong feelings you have that make you take it out on your body. The next step is to make a change and to stop what you are doing because clearly it is not working. It's also not a long term solution, you need to find ways to cope with your feelings.  To know that those strong feelings won't kill ypu and it's not your bodies fault either. The lonliness, the anger, the sadness. ... those are just feelings and they will pass.  Starving yourself, harming yourself, binging,  purging or any other technique just makes you numb and helps you to cope with the feelings right now but what happens when you feel those strong feelings again... well then you resort to old habits again when they only work for the moment. But you need to find mechanisms and techniques that work long term and most important find ways to cope with the actual problem not just numb the problem or the feelings. If you are feeling very lonely or angry you need to do something about it..... talk to someone, write, go out for a walk, scream into a pillow,  throw things at a wall... just don't take it out on your body because it isn't your bodies fault. Instead you need to cope with the feelings. I would highly suggest talking to someone so you can get proper advice and strategies to cope with those extreme feelings. You might be someone who feels feelings alot stronger than the normal person which makes it harder to cope with them. But you can cope with them. And rhe first step is to find other strategies,that when you want to take it out on your body you instead remember that it won't help anything and instead you need to try something else. Change is important.  Change what you are doing now to something that will actually help you and make a difference. Your body is not the problem and harming yourself or taking it out on your body will never help you.

I'm really scared of getting better honey, i have always had an eating disorder since i was very young and so i don't know what life will be like without it, I'm scared i won't be able to cope as it's all i know, its my crutch. i don't know how to deal with anger, stress, loneliness, upset etc I'm so afraid i will go back to my eating disorder cos ill need something to help me cope.

part of recovery is learning to cope.  Because in all honesty, people are just trying to cope... that is what we are all doing. Some people cope better than others, but life is tough and you need to know how to cope with your feelings and with stress. So part of recovery is learning that, for some it's easier for others it takes years.  But you learn to cope with your feelings, stress and with life so you learn to not take it out on yourself or to harm yourself in ways to cope. So try different methods such as talking, writing,blogging,  drawing, exercise (as long as you don't have an exercise addiction), knitting, doing puzzles etc as ways to cope with your feelings. But I think if you can, being able to talk or express your feelings somehow instead of repressing them will always be best! !
And regarding life without an eating disorder.... well life is what you make it. Problems will still be there unless you deal with them. If you are running from problems they will still be there. .. you need to learn to cope with life  and create life the way you want it to be. If you fully fight yourself free from your ED then life will be alot better even if it has its ups and downs. But if you stay in the half recovery phase where you are still controlled by your ED then life might not seem so great... so you have to learn to fully let go. Life after an eating disorder will always be better than trying to survive with with an eating disorder.  And if you learn how to cope and good coping techniques  /strategies then then chances of relapse are less and life will be better :)

what i am struggling with is when you look better people thing you're better yet in your head you feel a whole lot worse but people just brush it off and say you're fine, your eating, you look ok but your not and nobody will listen so you just go silent and then need ed to cope.

I know how tough this can be as people just go from appearances. I.e if I smile everyone will think I am ok even if I am falling apart on the inside.  But the most important thing is to speak up. Because if you don't tell people that you are struggling they won't know. .. people can't read minds and unfortunately people want to believe what they see. ... so.if they see that yiu have gained weight or see you eating a meal then they think everything is ok when that might not be the case at all. So it is important to speak up and tell someone that you ate still struggling. Many think that recovery is just about eating and gaining weight (if needed), however those are just part of recovery and actual recovery is about mental recovery as well.  You need to be honest to yourself and tell yourself that you are struggling, that even if people can't see it or don't believe it you are still struggling and still need help. Regardless of weight or size, if you are struggling you need support and help.
Also don't give up on recovery and making changes.  Just because others think you are ok, doesn't mean that you just stop and don't keep fighting. You need to recover for yourself and your own help.  Because this is YOUR life and you need to want to get better for you self. Recovery is about choosing to make changes for yourself and making changes for your own health and happiness.  Remember that you don't need to lose weight to get help.
Keep fighting and don't give up on recovery, if you don't get the help you need because no one believes you, then you need to recover on your own for yourself and because you need to recover.

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