Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Thinking that recovery isn't worth it because life will just be the same

A thought which i have noticed many in recovery have, and is also a sort of excuse to not recover is the thought of, what if life will just be the same and it will be awful. And then recovery won't be worth it and i will be stuck with a body i hate.

Unfortunatly i can not say that that won't happen at all. But i dont want to discourage you either, because you know what..... a life without an eating disorder or a life without a mental illness is a much better life regardless. Some find that holding onto their eating disorder is also a way to not deal with the problems of life. They can always blame it on their illness and hide behind their illness, but also they think.... whats the point of recovering if life will just be awful anyway, might as well stay in this hell/Or comfort as some think. But like mentiond, life WILL be better when you arent struggling with a mental illness.

However, if you have/had family problems, money problems, a broken heart, bad friendships or other problems, they won't go away just because you recover, but by recovering you are dealing with one of the problems and also makes you more capable to deal with the other problems. Life is not easy and there are always curveballs and up's and downs, sometimes you think " is this really worth it.... is this life?", but it is worth it. Recovery and life are always worth it. Problems are problems and they CAN be solved even if it takes a week, a month or years to solve, someday the problem will be gone but you do not solve that problem by staying sick or by taking your own life, that doesnt solve the problem, that makes the problem worse.

And when it comes to the thoughts of, "i will be stuck with a body i hate" well unless you focus on self love during weight gain/recovery you might not accept or love your body. It doesnt come magically, it is a process which takes time. Daily love and self love. Being kind to yourself, trying to treat your body like a child or friend. Instead of punishing your body, hating your body and damaging your body, instead you feed it right, take care of your body and be kind to yourself. Try to not get focused on numbers whether it is the scale, measurements, percent or clothes size....those things dont matter. What matters is a healthy body AND mind, no matter what that might look like. And i can tell you, if you can love yourself, be confident in your own body then that definitely takes away a problem in life and you are a step closer to real happiness.

I think using the excuse that "what if i hate life or life will be awful after i recover, so i am not going to recover at all" isn't a valid excuse or reason. Because no one can garantee that life will be great, becuase it isnt always great.... though these is something great in everyday ;) But you know what, some people deal with so much shit in their life, they have one problem after the other and it sucks for them, but they keep going and you can do that as well. You make your life the way you want it to be and know that problems can be solved and fixed and there will be ups and downs but life is always better recovered.

I can say from my own experience that a goal and motivator for me to recover was to have that "Perfect life", i didnt think i would have problems after i recovered i just thought life would be awesome. My goal was to begin school, have lots of friends, eventually have a boyfriend i liked and could have a normal relationship and just have an awesome movie-type life. Did that happen? No, after ebing delcared healthy i started a new school a few weeks(?) later and it took me roughly 2 months to make friends. I felt etremely low, i began struggling with the exercise amount i did, i wasnt coping so well with the stress of school and i began to feel myself burning out and sprialling down into a mild depression by the end of 2012 (and then the thoughts of suicide began again and then i thought.... is this really worth it. I spent a year and a half trying to reach my goal weight and recover and i am left feeling depressed, lonely and exhausted). And then the thoughts of,  i should never have recovered at all began to creep in. But you know what.... because i had recovered from my eating disorders and depression i could get through that battle as well and when i did get through that struggle i had found a group of friends i clicked with, i could somewhat cope with school and stress levels and i also found strength training which i loved. So life did get better even if along the ways there are ups and downs but i also know i am strong enough to get through all the battles.

So know, life will not always be the way you pictured or expected it, but you can get through the struggles or problems. But recovering from your mental illness is one less problem you have to deal with!


  1. Recovery has brought me so much in my life! Sure, life is not perfect, but I would not even have a life had recovery not been worked on.

    1. Exactly!! Even if recovery is tough or you might think that life will just be awful after recovery, but life is what you mae it. And when you are sick, you barely have a life as you are just struggling and suffering. You are just survicving rather than living. I am glad that you have found your happiness and know that life is so much better now :)