However i am not going to lie and say that is a downhill from there, that suddenly recovery is easy and everything floats by and you recover quickly. Even if you reach that stage of, "i want to recover" you still need to choose recovery everyday until you are recovered. It is still an uphill battle, but now atleast you WANT to walk up that hill you aren't being forced up it. It is however easier and more possible to recover if you want it yourself, have decided to recover for yourself because you can motivate yourself to do things even if it is super tough. But if you are placed infront of a pizza and you have absalutly no motivation to eat or gain weight or recover, then eating that pizza might not work at all... but for someone who wants to recover then they might just be able to motivate themselves to eat it, knowing that it is part of recovery and will help them.
Recovery needs to be chosen everyday, because as long as the thought of skipping meals, the thought of not eating or thoughts of compensation are in your head, then there is still the choice between the sick voice or the recovery voice, and you need to keep choosing the recovery voice until the sick voice and choices are no longer in your head.
You need to make recovery choices all the time until those types of choices arent a "to eat or not eat" or "to eat and compensate" type of thoughts, but you are healthy and living healthy and recovered. You cant eat a fear food just once and then think i have tried it and never eat it again because it is still a fear food but you think you have done it once. You need to keep trying until they are no longer fears.
Eating is not a choice you have i.e you dont get to decide that you shouldnt eat today because you ate alot yesterday, you still need food. Its like breathing, you dont decide that because you did alot of breathing yesterday you will breathe less today. Energy is needed everyday and recovery needs to be choosen everyday and at every choice you have.
"Mental illness is like fighting a war where the enemy’s strategy is to convince you that the war isn’t actually happening.
This is so apt! I've realised that I'm still in compensation mode - so even though I'm eating more than I used to and my thinking is more logical (ie I don't think I'm 'fat') but still terrified of gaining too much weight in the wrong places and feeling rubbish. But you're right, recovery is a constant battle sometimes and we just need to remember why we're doing it and choose that path each day and soon it becomes a habit and then recovering becomes recovered! I love how you've liked eating to breathing and how we need energy and not to compensate - great analogy, it really helps! Thanks Izzy,
ReplyDeletejosievictoriaa / fashion, travel and lifestyle
Exactly, you keep choosing recovery until you recovered. Try to focus on self love and body acceptance, you won't look rubbish and your body will hold onto the weight where it does because of genes and there isn't so much you can do about that. Keep fighting :)
DeleteReally makes so much sense, and for a while I think you have to view medicine / an eating plan as medicine. You wouldn't even think about not taking your chemo if you had cancer, or skipping an insulin dose if you had diabetes and it needs to be the same with food when you're in recovery (at least the weight gaining stage of recovery!). Wish it was as easily done as it is said though! S xx
ReplyDeleteThis was very well written a great point. .. The meal plan does become your medicine and you need to increase the meal plan over time! Of course it's not easy and takes time but is definitely worth it.
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