Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.
I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!
If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Signs that someone is struggling (might be dealing with depression)
Something I've realised is that because I have been feeling so low I haven't taken so many photos and definitely haven't taken any selfies. I mean when I walk around feeling awful and having bad skin and hair then the last thing I want to do is keep a memory of that. But this morning (Monday... when i posted the selfie :)) I actually felt like taking a selfie and I realised. ... I can barely remember the last time I have done that (meaning, not snapchat ones), or maybe I have. But it hasn't been one of those "I feel good right now, I want to document my outfit because I feel good or I look happy so I want to save this memory".
But also things like im less social, to my family and friends and my replies are very short. Even when texting my boyfriend I can't seem to text with enthusiasm. .. there aren't so many smileys and the replies are mostly "ok" or no reply at all. Those are all indicators of how I am feeling... If I don't post selfies or my replies are very short or I don't speak at all then I basically feel like shit. But it's not things I consciously do or think about, it's just now when I began analyzing myself. There are all these tell tale signs, that even if a person doesn't say out loud how they feel there can be signs of how the person is feeling.
Such as I don't look people in the eyes and barely speak when I feel awful, I prefer to just be alone because it takes too much to talk to people.
Also my room is an indicator... though when I am busy or stressed I don't have time to clean my room, but generally speaking on my good days my room is clean, on my bad days my room is a mess... hence why I don't let my family into my room at the moment. As I am aware that it is a mess but only do something about it when I get that "time to fix myself, time to fix my room" feelings.
Another sign is that cooking food or eating aren't done so often. I realised a while ago that I really haven't done so much cooking or even baking. Might seem like it, but the extent of my cooking is putting vegetables in the oven of heating quorn in the microwave. When before if I had time I would make vegetarian pies, do different fish dishes, make felafel's or quorn burgers or make raw food cakes and such. This wasn't even something I realised happened because I was and still am eating,but an enjoyment of mine is baking and following recipes of delicious meals and I used to do more cooking at my boyfriends , but it has been little of that as I haven't felt like it.
Then there is also the sign that even if i sleep lots (I.e 9 hours XD) then i still look like i havent slept at all and my answers of how i am feeling are often "I am tired" even if i may not be. Because somedays i do have lots of energy but there is still a form of tiredness. But also, when i began mentioning that i wasnt sleeping... its now been several months with sleeping problems, sometimes i fall asleep at 8pm and other times i dont fall asleep until 2am, sometimes i easily get up at 5am, other times i can barely get out of bed at 9am, but the major issue has been despite feeling tired, not being able to sleep. And that should have been some a tell tale sign that something wasn't right... though my sleeping is getting a little better now, or it has its ups and downs.
These are just some of the "signs" i noticed on myself but know that they might be common for others as well, such as losing motivation to do things they enjoyed, not being so social or talking, sleeping more or less and always feeling tired and in my case, always looking tired even if i dont feel tired.
I am also noticing now when studying that my memory and concentration definitely isnt so good. Sometimes it scares me the fact that i can barely remember what i did 2 days ago.... was it because i did nothing at all and the days just blur into one or because i actually can't remember. And it is usually the latter... but i try to do something different and significant each day so that i can remember the days as individual days and not just a blur of days.
I just thought i would post these so that if a friend or family member reads this then maybe they can notice signs if someone is relapsing and just notice signs in the beloved one right now. But this is also a sort of self analysis which i seem to be good at at the moment... i guess i do alot of thinking and then it is good to come to these realisations.