Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Friday, November 20, 2015

Questions - life changing events

fun questions: what is the most life-changing event that ever happened to you? a) for bad,

Most probably when I was diagnosed with cf. Granted I have no memory of it as it was the day after I was born but it was still life changing and for the worse or so that's what i think. I don't really have a life changing event for the worst as I believe that everything happens for a reason and you learn from mistakes and grow from bad situations. 

 b) for good? 

One of the events that I think of first which changed my life for the positive was the first time I listened to my body and didn't go for a run even if I had planned to. I had planned to run after school but when I came home after a tough day I was exhausted, my body hurt and I knew that I didn't want to. But my eating disorder told me I needed to go for a run to compensate so I put on my running gear and I got about 500 before I broke down and started crying. Because I just didn't want to, I didn't have the energy and I felt like such a failure but then I realised that it was my eating disorder forcing me to exercise.  Taking something fun and making it a chore and something miserable, and I didn't want that anymore. I wanted exercise to be fun and an enjoyment so instead I walked home and that day I also texted my mum to buy Ben and jerrys for me. It was a huge recovery success for me, to not exercise even if my ed was screaming at me, but also to listen to my body and allow myself to eat a craving and also eat a craving on a day that I hadn't exercised.  So that day was a turning point for me and after that it was just easier to listen to my body, to rest but also allow myself to say I was hungry or craving something. I wouldn't say this is the most life changing event, but I don't think I have one!

And/or the most life-changing thing anyone ever said to you, a) for bad,

The first though that hits me when i think about this question is when i was 10 or 11 and my teacher commented "are you really going to eat that whole sandwich" when i was going to eat lunch in school. I still get angry at that teacher when i think about her comment. The comment was so unnecessary. I've always had low self esteem and i always took comments so personally, if i ever got critique even if it wasnt personal i would feel so sad on the inside. So i remember i just put my sandwich away and didnt eat lunch that day and that was the start of me eating less even though i still ate lunch sometimes but then when i started highschool and the stress grew and my self esteem was very low then i didnt eat lunch at all as i didnt want people to see me eat. But i remember how deeply that comment affected me and even if that comment wasnt what made me sick, i think it definitely was a trigger or catalyst to everything. Because after that comment i ate less and i think that triggered things as i began to focus more on food, not wanting people to see me eat, eating less etc

 b) for good? Or is it difficult, or unhelpful, to think in those terms?

I thought about this question for a while and i came up with a very good answer and something which did change my life. While i was a day patient and was relapsing in spring 2012, where i had lost weight and had begun restricting, binging, purging and other bad habits again. I went for a check up and weigh in at Mando and my case manager told me i had lost weight but i just said it was because of my CF and that i had a hard time gaining weight. I tried to convince her to lower my goal weight from 60kg to 55kg. I didnt want to weigh 60kg, it was too much i thought at the time. I tried to convince her that i was healthy as i was going to school and a daypatient it was just that i couldnt gain weight. But then she said something which was very important for me to hear and something i tell my readers that is "If i was truly healthy then my weight wouldnt matter. It wouldnt matter if i weighed a few kilo more". (She also then told me that if i didnt gain weight i would be back to daypatients from 8-4pm and if that didnt work back to inpatients.... so that was the kick i needed as well). But what she told me first, about my weight was something that stuck with me. Because it is SO TRUE. You can NOT say you are healthy if you are obsessed with your weight and weighing a certain number... it does not work that way. You are still obsessed with weight then. You need to accept your healthy set point whatever that may be. I always blamed my CF for not being able to gain weight, but even if i need to eat lots to gain weight i can still gain weight, and i did reach my goal weight and my body settled there. And then when i began strength training i gained more weight and that was ok, because the number did not have any meaning anymore. As long as i felt healthy mentally and physically that number had no meaning to me. And THAT is healthy. Not trying to compromise, trying to control your weight or eat less to keep your weight a certain number. Healthy is when you can listen to your body and allow your body to be its healthy weight, not try to have the lowest fat percent or lowest weight, it doesnt work like that. That is both physically and mentally unhealthy. So please remember this... if you are trying to compromise or using unhealthy methods to control your weight or eating, then you arent healthy.


  1. Would eating that sandwich been a "bad" thing if you weren't tall and skinny?

  2. I was once told by a guy in a pub, in front of all my friends, that I didn't need a drink bought for me because I was " fat enough already". I think that damaged me in the way your teacher's comment damaged you. x