More about me, I love being free and having my freedom. I love being able to choose what i want to do during the day and not have to be stuck to a schedule. I dont think i could work a 9 to 5 desk job, it wouldnt work for me... of course i spend alot of time infront of the computer and sitting and such but i still know i have the freedom to get up and do other things or to go sit in the library or in school or even go to my boyfriends place, i dont just have to sit in one place all the time. I wouldnt want to work a desk but i wouldnt mind working in food stores and stacking shelves, i did that for my work experience and i found it sort of therapetuic but also it is fun to have an active job. Also when it comes to working and school i am the type of person who would rather start later such as 10am and then finish at 6pm rather than at start at 8am and finish at 4pm.
Also i hate being told what to do... this is also because of wanting my freedom. I dont get irritated or angry at school or work when it comes to schedules or being told what to do, as i accept that... thats part of school or work and you just need to go along. But for example if i am planning to do the dishwasher but need to do something first and then my mum tells me to do the dishwasher when i was already planning to do it... that makes me irritated and it will go 200% longer until i actually do it. But also, if someone tells me i cant do something then i feel like i want to do it..... for example my mum told me i wasnt allowed to dye my hair but i did that 1) because i wanted to but also because i was told i shouldnt. Also with tattoos, though this was just because i wanted them not because someone told me i shouldnt. But also ive been told i shouldnt run a marathon or try to run 3 half marathons in a year, but that makes me want to do those things just because.... Of course, it is not like someone tells me to not touch their hair and then all i do is touch their hair. It is more in the sense that i dont like being told i can't do things.... but also dont like being told to do things XD It is complicated basically.
Which gets me thinking about my future and future relationships (?), i am someone who needs my alone time and needs my space. Sometimes i just need 48 hours or a whole week where i can just be on my own not have to be around others and it is not because i feel sad or feel low, but it is just how i function.... I dont mind being alone. I dont mind sleeping alone, i like being alone it is just when i feel lonely i dont like it. But i am comfortable being on my own, maybe a little too comfortable. As i worry about will i ever be able to live in the same apartment with someone else? I mean when i live with my family i can just shut my bedroom door and they dont take it personally but if i live with a partner, i cant exactly shut the door and tell them that i need 3 days away from them when the problem isnt them, the problem is myself and that i need to be alone sometimes. Sometimes i think that i wont ever make a relationship last (i know i am in a relationship now - 9 months or something now) but sometimes i feel like i have too many problems to actually make it last and that sometimes i am a little too independant for my own good. I dont open up and talk and communication is number one in a lasting relationship. Though relationships have never really been a huge thing in my life or my thoughts..... i mean sure they are great, having someone who you really like and can spend time with and just feel happy around but once again, i am a little too independant and need my alone time a little too much. And sometimes i am alittle too good at not responding which is never a good trait especially when it comes to relationships where you need to communicate and respond, but sometimes the single life feels easier where you dont need to tell your friends that you just want to be alone because they might not really notice compared to with a partner who you might talk to everyday.
Sometimes i think that adult life would be easier, when you are 35 and seem to have your life together (even if that may not be the case) and then other times i think that being 5 and running around in dresses in the garden is a much easier life. But i also like to stop and think that my life is pretty awesome even if it is has its ups and downs, i really shouldnt complain about life and if things are not the way i want them to be i can try to change that instead of dreaming myself into the future or into the past. Instead focusing on the now and making the now as best as possible.
I like to be positive and think of the cup as half full. I do my best to be positive and think about the postives in the situation or to think, "it could have been worse". Some might think it is fake positivity but it isnt... this is just the way i like to think, i want to BE positive. My aim is to be known as the positive person and that is what i was known as in my friends, but even in my class. During the last days before graduation the whole class anonymously wrote compliments about everyone in the class (i.e you should have gotten a compliment from everyone in the class written on a piece of paper) and alot of those compliments were that i was so positive, that no one had ever heard my complain (Though i did do that... but just to friends) and also that i never judged people and seemed so nice (and then lots of compliments about how i worked out and seemed to have my life together as i got good grades, studied and worked out). So now my aim is to get back to that positive person again, because that positivity wasnt fake and also just laughing because i was happy, i love that. I love just laughing and when you get that happy feeling inside of you from laughing. This also brings me to the fact that i never judge people.... it doesnt matter who you are, what you are wearing, what you are doing i am not going to judge you. Not even if the waitress at the restaurant is mean or rude, i am not going to judge her because she is having a bad day. It doesnt matter what someone is wearing either or how someone looks, those things dont affect me so why should i have an opinion or judgement on it.
I am a sort of inpatient person, if we say that we are going to leave at 1pm, then i will be standing with my coat and shoes on at 12.58pm and ready to go but then having to wait 10 minutes while the rest of my family get ready makes me irritated and i can hold onto that irritation for a while but then it passes and i am fine again. I think when i am irritated it often shows in my face and body action, but i try to not let anger or irritation or frustration show. I dont get angry easily... i think my sister is the only person who can make me really angry and that is when we argue. When i was younger i used to slam doors and bite when i got very angry or frustrated... now i stay silent or just leave because i dont want to have to deal with getting extremely angry or frustrated. I am also quite a tolerant person, alot can happen to me before i begin to say no. Such as someone could be throwing paper balls at me and the person throwing would get bored before i said no (this has never happened to me... but i am a tolerant person). Even if i feel irritated in situations like that i hide it as best i can and from what i have noticed, that irritation doesnt show to others which might be a bad thing because then people dont stop either.
And before this post gets too long... i love playing candy crush. I am currently stuck on level 762 and i am not even ashamed about it. If all i did was play candy crush and did nothing else with my life then maybe i would be a little embarrassed, but for me who always needs to do something with my hands or do other things while watching series, candy crush is perfect and i have 3 friends who are equally as addicted so i dont have to send candy crush requests to people who dont want them :) haha
I could write so much more, but this post is long enough so maybe i will write another one sometime... but here you have a little more about me and some of my thoughts this morning.