Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Friday, November 20, 2015

Creating healthy habits and coping mechanisms

Yesterday i ended up thinking about my time at Mando. My thoughts ended up back in old memories though it feels like those years spent there are just a blur.... a year of inpatient and daypatient, but it is a year that is just a blur and the years before that i have very little memory of what i did. Granted i didnt do so much 2009 and 2010 because of the lack of energy and being so ill, but from 2009 to about spring 2012 i have very few clear memories. Its only the times when i had very strong emotions or something terrrible happened that i really remember. Though if i go back to old posts and read them then i sort of remember that day, but most days were similar so hard to tell the difference between one day and the next. I also started thinking about coping mechanisms, because in recovery you need to get rid of your bad coping mechanisms which is restricting, over exercising, self harming, purging, binging.... those are things you do to cope with what is going on inside. The anxiety or guilt is so strong that it is easier to not eat than have to deal with even more guilt and anxiety. And if you do eat then it is easier to cope with those feelings if you compensate but those are coping mechanisms which dont work.. not in the long term. They leave you with consequences and eventually they wont help you dull or numb the pain on the inside. For example i began thinking about my years of self harm and about the night i overdosed. I remember so clearly how the self harm just wasnt working, it wasnt numbing my pain, it wasnt taking away my mental pain no matter what i did. I still felt those extreme feelings inside of me and me overdosing on painkillers wasnt really me thinking "oh i want to die" it was just that i wanted to numb the pain inside of me. I wanted the anxiety and guilt to go away and one pill wasnt working, though i had been saving painkillers as it was something i had thought about doing but at that moment it was a coping mechanism. An extreme coping mechanism because i wanted to numb the pain. But all it did was leave me in hospital and an even worse situation, it didnt numb the pain, it didnt take away my anxiety or guilt. Even when i began with calming pills for my anxiety all it did was make me fall asleep but i would wake up with the same anxiety and strong feelings inside of me. (Though calming pills can definitely be useful, there are times i know i wouldnt have been able to cope without them or i would have done something very regretable if i hadnt taken them.) But recovery is about replacing those bad coping mechanisms with good ones... with ones that work.

Because you cant starve yourself forever or purge after every meal. Self harming will only get worse as the feelings and pain inside of you get stronger, eventually what you do now wont work to help numb the pain and you cant exercise away your pain or feelings as eventually you will end up injured or broken.

Instead you need to find healthy ways to cope. Such as writing, talking, having reminders or quotes with you on your phone or on pieces of paper in your pocket. Having a mantra you can say to yourself when you are in a tough situation. Listening to music or podcasts, doing sudoku or colouring (these are things you can do if you are at home or somewhere). Doing meditation or something with your hands and brain which can take away your thoughts from whatever is tough.

You need to find something that works for you, some healthy coping mechanism which you can use long term. You need to know what triggers you and be able to cope with those, not just resort to bad techniques.

Even if the future is scary, think about the long term consequences your habits at the moment might have. You need to make changes and also know that you can get through those strong feelings, but you can't run from them. You CANT run from the problems in your head. No matter how much you try to, they will still be there until you fight them. Such as weeds..... if you turn your back on them and refuse to get rid of them they will just continue to grow and become more, but instead you need to completely get rid of them and it is the same with your ED thoughts. You can try to get rid of the feelings for a few moments with bad coping mechanisms but the feelings will still be there and will just continue to get worse until you begin to fight those thoughts and fears and also begin using healthy coping mechanisms.

This is just a reminder to you all and i hope that you can listen to my words and try to make a change. Because even if it is tough it can get better, but then you have to make it better.


  1. Thank you :D 'Good habits' really do work!!

    Anything negative just leads to going round & round in circles..

    1. Exactly. The good habits and good coping mechanisms will help you and especially long term. Whilst the negative coping mechanisms just work short term.

  2. Inspiring! Really, you are so strong and I've been following your blog for a few years now and it's really helped me get to where I am now, and even though I'm not quite there, I feel like I'm on my way. I love the good coping mechanisms you've listed here like writing and music!

    JosieVictoriaa // // Lifestlye, Travel and Fashion