Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Answer - therapy

I have commented many times before, and I say this with love, but - dude, WHEN are you going to put up a post about seeing someone for your depression? ;). I know it's hard and you're feeling very reluctant, but you've been feeling more than a little blue for MONTHS now, and you simply deserve better than this. I think its safe to say its not just going to pass on its own (although that does happen sometimes, who knows how long that could take or if it will ever happen at all). I love your blog, I love your message, and I just plain want you to get your spark back. You could blog about the process, even. Getting started, the trials and triumphs of it - if nothing else it could help others to take the same step for themselves. And it just might be what gets you back on track. I know you like to keep your blog a positive space, and I worry that if, even despite your effort to stay upbeat here, it is CLEAR that things have changed and you're not feeling good, that you might actually be feeling much worse than we know. Again, I say all this out of a place of love and concern, not to get on your back or bring you down! You have a readership that really cares and wants the best for you - the same as you want for them. Its time to treat yourself as you would a dear friend, and take some action. And I know "taking action" is just about THE hardest thing to do when one is depressed, but before you know it months or even years slip by and its not time you can get back. Much love :)

I am posting your comment because it does mean alot to me.  It means alot to me that my readers care about me, and i do appreciate your concern and comments. So even if it seems like i brush them off i dont, i do take them to heart. At the moment i am getting quite alot of questions regarding when i will start therapy, or if i am going to start therapy. And i have said that i do awnt to start therapy, however i havent gotten any further than that. I dont really know where to turn to and havent spoken to my mum or anyone to help me take contact with someone or even know where to turn to. I know my sister and mum both went to therapy while i was at Mando as my illness took such a toll on them and they felt like they needed to talk to someone, so maybe i could figure out who that therapist/company (?) was and turn to that place. But it is also the money aspect.... unfortunatly i really dont have the economy to pay for therapy myself. It may seem like i have alot of money, but i dont. I do not earn anything from my blog and i am not working at the moment so my economy is basically +/-/0 every month and just about paying for the basics and my bills, but i know health care is number one. I really dont spend alot on things, i rarely buy clothes or buy things for myself, the only thing i spend money on is food and buying lunches if i am out or studying... so i guess if i didnt buy food then i might have enough to pay for therapy, so that is something i might look over though it feels like i wont be able to start therapy until after the new year anyway. I know this sounds like excuses, you can comment below and tell me that i am making excuses and my health comes first and that i am being silly. I would most probably do the same thing to another person (or maybe not.) But i KNOW exactly how it sounds.... just like i wrote in my previous post, saying that you are scared of life being awful after recovery and so not recovering at all, that isnt a valid excuse. Just like what i am saying now, isnt a valid excuse. But it is te truth. It is of course the fact that somedays i feel ok, i feel like life functions and life is ok and other times i feel completely numb and then other times i feel very low... but its those times when i feel numb or feel ok that i think, i dont need help because i am ok, this is just how i am.

Mental illness is like fighting a war where the enemy’s strategy is to convince you that the war isn’t actually happening

^^That quote is very tru and pretty much sums up me at the moment.

I do want help and treatment because i am not going to be a hypocrite and sit here and tell everyone to seek help and seek proffessional help and i dont do it myself. That is not the type of person i am. But also i say health comes first and i am aware of that, so for now i am doing the best type of therapy and caring for myself that i can at the moment. Not doing stupid things or stupid actions, keeping myself away from harm and such, and then once i get a chance i will try to start therapy or some type of herbal medicine or something to help me.

So i want to say thank you for caring :) It does mean alot to me, and like you say i am not writing out everything as i dont want to do that. I dont feel it is necessary, instead i want to try to be positive though i am not going to share a fake side of myself either. I am being honest on here and being my true self by writing out the things i do, but at the same time not everything and every thought needs to be shared, but know that i am being honest on here. I know i will feel better soon and that does require work and WANTING to get better, knowing that i NEED to get better and not just accepting how i am at the moment.

Throw back to summer and happy memories!


  1. Izzy We all love you so much and want to see that glowing, passionate, happy, and strong girl back! We want you to smile for real again, and have loads of energy again to go out there and kick some ass! We support you anyway and everyday. I hope you are ok, and feel free to reach out to us to. We are here for you like you are for us ok?

  2. Thanks for responding to my comment like this <3 I love that war quote - that's EXACTLY what mental illness is like! It makes it so difficult to convince yourself to get help. Regarding financial barriers: I live in Canada so our system is obviously different, but I know Sweden is renowned for its health care and I bet there is a way for you to access what you need. I was in the same boat, I couldn't afford to pay therapy fees, so I had to find alternative avenues. Some ideas for you: hospitals often have free therapy _ there is usually a wait list but its better than nothing. Community agencies (nonprofits) are great, that's what I did. And nowadays, I do pay for my therapy out of my own pocket, but I researched my city and found a counsellor who offered sliding scale fees based on my ability to pay. Its actually quite affordable - I pay like 10% of what she normally charges. I googled sliding scale+counselling+my city's name, and went from there. And YES, absolutely go ask your mom and sister who they went to! Your mom has already noticed the change in you - my guess is that she'd actually be pretty stoked if you showed some initiative in caring for your mental health. In my experience, parents are often kind of scared to bring up the topic for fear of making it worse, but trust me, they notice. Thanks for posting this, and for seeing that it does come from a positive place with your readers. We know its your life and your blog is only a small representation of what's going on, but the entire tone of your blog has changed and that's what is so worrying. Its like you can't hide it even when you do your best to be positive and upbeat here :( I do have total faith that you will get through this, though, no matter what route you take to do it. Be well :)

  3. Beautiful post - you are so patient and kind and warm and sensible in so many ways. But struggling hard....
    Please tell your mum about it all, and talk to her about how to get therapy? It sounds like she would want to help, and be in the best position to do so? Telling her would be a good thing to do _anyway_?

  4. I do hope you start to feel better soon Izzy, as you're such a wonderful person.

    (As I am kinda telling myself now!) -- it's great caring for others all the time and trying to always make everyone else happy, yet you also need to feel happier in yourself too :)

    Take care, X

  5. I agree, you should definitely confide in your mum and let her help you. I don`t know how your health care system works in Sweden but here in England usually the first port of call is your doctor - who then refers you on for the appropriate treatment if he is not able to provide it himself.
    Your family can surely see that you are struggling and not yourself. let them help you.
    wishing you huge hugs that things get better for you :)

  6. Well done Izzy for seeing that all these comments are coming from genuine concern and love. I like the fact that you take our opinions on board and what we think means something to you. I think you are v mature....maybe cos you've been through so much.:-)

  7. I am one of those commenters that genuinely care for you Izzy. You were the first person I found in my recovery to exhibit TRUE REAL authentic recovery. You were one of my biggest inspirations and to hear that you are putting off proper help really breaks my heart. Money will always work itself out. It will. I think you should seriously reconsider using money as an excuse. I bet if you confided in your family that you are struggling, they’d be more than willing to foot the bill. Give it another thought.

  8. Gå genom landstinget, då kostar varje besök som ett vanligt läkarbesök och det blir sedan gratis när du kommer upp i högkostnadsskyddet, vilket jag antar att du inte är så långt ifrån med tanke på din CF, om du betalar för det vill säga?