Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Saturday, October 10, 2015

The reason why you do things matters

Sometimes it's hard to write exactly what I want to write on here. Mainly because I always need to explain things and clarify things, such as I can't say... "if you don't want a cookie then don't eat it". It really is as simple as that, but not when you have an eating disorder because then you might not want the cookie because of the calorie content, or because it is a fear food and gives you anxiety. And then, even if you don't want the cookie you should eat if anyway because you need to face your fears and eat things even if you don't want to.

The reason why you do or don't do things matters alot. If you go for a walk just to burn the calories you ate for lunch then that isn't the best way of thinking, but if you go for a walk to stretch your legs and get some fresh air, or just to help you concentrate and focus better.  That is a much better way of thinking. ... and it's about what YOUR thinking and reasoning is. Not just what you tell others, because you can tell others that you aren't hungry even though it's just because you want to avoid the calories,  or you can  tell people that you love working out even though you  do it just to burn calories.

 So what you say doesn't matter because anyone can lie but you have to know yourself your reasoning's and then do something about it.  If your thinking and reasoning is unhealthy then change that by facing your fears and doing something different.  For example don't go for that run which you just want to do to compensate, or eat that piece of bread even if your eating disorder tells you not to.

Reasoning and thinking is also what differs an illness from just someone else's weird behaviour. Because there are people who diet and some people who have disordered eating but that doesn't mean they have an eating disorder (there is a difference. ) the way a person thinks is what plays a role, of course usually certain behaviour goes to extremes which then is also signs that a person has an eating disorder. But its not always behaviour which is the defining factor, because unfortunatly there are may people with weird eating habits now a days and they dont suffer from an eating disorder. But society in a way gives out unhealthy eating behaviours, which can then be taken to an extreme by someone who is suffering from an eating disorder.

What is my aim with this post..... that you should know your reasoning and thinking behind your actions. And know what YOU need, what is best for YOU (and not your eating disorder). Sometimes you need to do things you dont want to or do things that scare you, but that will bring you closer to your goal of healthy and recovered. 

I didnt want any of the meals above and because i didnt really like the food i thought, why should i have to eat it if i dont like it. But then i had to remind myself, that it is my eating disorder that doesnt like the food and not me. And even if i dont like the food, i had to atleast try to eat it and see if maybe i had changed my mind.


  1. Do you ever get comments that you looked better before (like in those photos above) than after your weight gain and what does it make you think/feel/react?

    1. Ive answered your question in a post today :)