Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, October 7, 2015

The first step is to start, the second step is to get it done

One of the hardest things at the moment is to actually get started with things. I usually have a "to do" list which is what gets me to do things and reminds me that i have things to do. But sometimes there are things on that list that just never get done because i cant seem to start. I just stare at the list and know i need to get something done but just sitting down and getting it done isnt that easy. So today that was pretty much the case for me, i had some writing and work to do and i just couldnt get it done. I got home from the gym around 12pm and it wasnt until 3pm that i finally sat down and opened Word document to get it done. But then there was still alot of "I dont want to do this... i cant do this...." I didnt get the work done but i atleast got started which is the first step. But i have no idea how it will go when i begin studying again... even when i have the whole day to do something i still cant seem to get it done. When i was in school and studying i got things done at once... i never waited, i would sit down for several hours and work through everything and then still do more the next day. But now i have completely lost that and would rather not do anything, but of course that wont get me far in life if i just refuse to do things because i dont have the motivation or energy. Then i just got to find the motivation and energy and not complain about things, just get it done!!

Starting is the first step so i can atleast feel a little satisfied with that, even if i feel useless because i cant seem to get things done at the moment. I dont want to do anything, i dont want to get anything done. Ohhh well, need to push past those feelings and get shit done like i usually say. To just do it!!

Small things everyday. Just like i tell people in recovery, small steps everyday will lead you to the final big goal.  There is no point taking a huge step forward only to end up back tracking because it was too much at once, so instead take each day as it comes and do a little everyday and eventually it will lead to results :) Or thats what i believe anyway, some might believe its better to just do everthing all at once, but i believe that that will just be too much, no matter what it is.

Now i am going to take a powernap or something as ive spent a little too much time infront of the computer, so need to take a break from that anyway and then ill see what my plans are for the evening!! And thank you to those who are giving me feedback on my previous post about food and exercise posts :) I listen to all your opinions!!

(I am wearing heels & no i dont have a thigh gap... its all an illusion ;);))



  1. I'm so sorry that you're struggling with depression so much. I remember going through that period as well, after school but before real adulthood, and feeling lost. I just recently had to take time out of life to recover from some serious mental health stuff (addiction related) and basically had no responsibilities beyond focusing on my health. At first, that time was just what I needed, and honestly I would have been incapable of anything else. However, after a year or so, I found myself in this state where I was clean and doing okay, but still depressed and fearing that it would never get better. I felt that I was incapable of getting a job because I was having so much difficulty just doing basic things on my to do list every day. Often, showering was a big accomplishment. I worried that when I did go back to work, I would feel overwhelmed and crash and burn. But a time came when I couldn't postpone it anymore, people were starting to pressure me, so I halfheartedly looked for work. I ended up getting hired somewhere, and the effect was shocking - instead of feeling overwhelmed and anxious, getting up, going to work (and my job is stressful and difficult), having routine and purpose - it actually changed my life in a good way. My depression went away. I had no problem functioning. I started becoming productive on my days off. It has been great! For so long I thought that I couldn't work because I was depressed, when in the end I was possibly depressed because I wasn't working (or going to school or whatever). All this is just to say that its really not uncommon to be going through a depression at this stage in your life. And maybe its the lack of stuff going on that is starting to wear on you, and not the other way around. I do think its great to take that time, to relax or recover or whatever you need after a period of extreme stress ( school for you, addiction for me), but there does come a time when that break can actually feed into depression instead of helping it. Just some thoughts based on my experience (as this is not the only time I went through this situation!) to think about... Of course I don't know you personally or know what is going on in your mind. But I thought I'd share anyway just in case it helps.

    1. Thank you for your comment, and i think you are right. For me, being productive and having things to do has always been a motivator for me. And then of course having my days off when i need them. But i also know that i dont cope well with stress at all and that is one of the top factors as to why i became depressed again. So even if i know that i need routine and structure again, i know i dont want to cope with stress again. But i think i am going to start studying 50% in 2 weeks time, and the course is 9 weeks long, so then i have time to readjust to studying and get back into routine so that i know what its like again before i might start fully studying again next year. I am glad to hear that you are better and that life is better for you now!! :)

    2. I'm glad you have a plan for yourself :) I would not be surprised if you find your depression abating once you are back into a routine. Its so funny how a break can actually cause or contribute to stress when it should be the opposite. There's a lot to be said for having direction and purpose in one's life.

  2. P.S - thank you for posting my comment again (a couple posts ago), it always feels special when you do that to my comments lol.