Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Sometimes when using social media i end up stumbling upon recovery accounts and it breaks my heart. It doesnt trigger me in the slightest, if anything it just makes me so happy that i am free and no longer controlled by that voice that tells me that food is the enemy and that skinny/eventually disappearing is the aim. However, there are so many people out there struggling and i wish it wasnt that way. I wish that i could just hug you all and make your pain and struggles go away. I wish that there was some type of magic cure, or that i could just tell you all that you have to keep going and that food isnt the enemy. But it doesnt work that way... it can be a source of inspiration or motivation, or maybe just helpful to see someone else who has recovered or to hear that it is ok to eat, but in the end the hard work has to come from you. Its YOU who has to fight back and make the eating disorder go away, make the thoughts disappear.

But i wish that eating disorders werent a thing, or i wish mental illnesses didnt exist... I wish that the brain could just co operate with the body and that the mind didnt become something negative. But i also wish that all other illnesses didnt exist either... i mean cancer, diabetes, aids etc are all pretty awful illnesses which i wish no one had to suffer through. But because i have personally suffered from eating disorders, depression and self harm i wish that no one else has to suffer from it. But the truth is, there are more people than ever struggling with eating disorders and that thought is scary. That so many people are struggling and suffering in silence, so many people who see food as something bad, something that shouldnt be part of their life, but at the same time its all they think about. So many people who hate every millimeter of their body, hate themselves and their lives. So many people who hate themselves so much that they would rather die than have to gain weight. So many people hurting themselves just to sruvive each day. I have been one of them... i have been the person who would rather die than have a healthy weight, the person who would lock herself in the bathroom and hurt herself just to try to get rid of the mental pain i felt. The girl who found it so hard to eat that she would rather not eat at all, and the girl who accepted that life wouldnt be a long one for her. But that is not life and that is not something anyone should have to suffer from.

It breaks my heart to see so many people struggling and i more than ever wish that i could help you all. Help everyone struggling and make them realise that life is worth living, that food is not the enemy but something that should be enjoyed. Food is something that should be eaten and enjoyed but of course too much of anything isnt good, but that doesnt mean that its a bad thing. Its about changing your thoughts, going against the negative and controlling thoughts and fighting for a healthier and happier mindset.

I dont really know why i am writing this post, but i guess i just wish i could give you all a virtual hug and to remind you that IT CAN GET BETTER.You might not believe it now, but it can. I dont know how much of an inspiration i am myself when i am not at my healthiest or happiest stage at the moment and sometimes i need to remind myself that life is worth it and that i cant give up just because times are tough. But i do wish to help others, to make others realise that you can recover from your eating disorder but you need to make it better then and you have to want to get better for yourself. Because in the end, its your life and your body and nobody can force you to do something you dont want to... because people can force you to eat and gain weight, but if you dont want to recover you will eventually end up losing the weight again because it wasnt a choice you wanted or wanted to make for yourself. So you need to find it within yourself to want to recover and want it for yourself.

Stay strong and make today a good day!!! Keep fighting, no matter how tough it is.. you need to dare to make a change and do the things that scare you, otherwise they will always be fear and something that controls you. You can do it.





6 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you published this post. I needed to read reassuring words like that, especially today. It's been a rough day today for me. I've had a healthy weight for over a year now but spent the weekend at a music festival with some friends who have quite disordered eating and I'm feeling the effects now of all the thoughts I had over those few days with them. I had a lovely buffet lunch today at a modern health cafe. But I cried. I shed a tear during the meal and my mom kept trying to comfort me. We then went food shopping and I had cravings for peanut butter I was too scared to act on. So when we climbed in the car, I started crying my heart out. I hate the feeling of being so confused. That there are so many problems and there is no clarity on any of them. That you don't know what will make you happy anymore and you get exhausted trying to look after yourself and try to destroy another darker side of yourself which is killing you. Surviving should not feel like a full time job. Thank you izzy for position real recovery words. The good times and the bad. Real sized meals with exercise. You live a balanced life and I know that's the real key to health.

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    1. I am sorry that you are struggling and that your friends affected you so negatively. But remember that you need food, always!! Your body needs it to survive and your mind needs it to function properly. Dont let that voice in your head tell you otherwise. You can do it, take small steps forward each day... next time buy the peanut butter, even if it means that it just sits in your house for a week or two, actually buying something you want is a big step and the next step is then daring to try the food. But remember, baby steps = reaching the big goal. Keep focusing on doing things right each day and facing your ED. Take each day as it comes and do your best to make choices towards recovery. You can do this.

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  2. Thank you Izzy for continuing to be an inspiring force and for keeping me hopeful -- during those bouts of darkness, which try ever so hard to creep back in!

    You're such a force of positivity! Thank you Xx

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  3. I so wish the same for people who are suffering, including for you now with the depression.
    Your blog has inspired me hugely. I am in a really good place now, but I know what the dark places are like, and I feel so happy thinking of you. You make me realise that one of the best things one can do for other people is to be a good example of healthy and happy, that it's ok to be healthy and happy ... all the time, if one can! And that part of loving people is looking after oneself. You are SUCH an inspiration, and you've really helped me move past some of the lingering things from being 95% better to being much better than that. I want you to be healthy and happy all the time too and I wish I could give you the virtual hug as well, that makes everything better. It is sad that people suffer, but good things come after the dark... often they do, and your work through your blog is one of them. Look after yourself and give yourself a hug from all of us!

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    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. It means so much to me when i hear that i actually help and that my blog is doing something good :) And you are right, good things do come after the dark so it is just to keep going and trying to make things better. :) I am so glad that you are in a better place!! I hope you have a great day.

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