Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

So much can change each year - if you decide to make changes

Sometimes it is comical to think how much life has changed the past few years. But its also very empowering to think how different life can be when you decide to make a change.

Today i did three simple things while making dinner and that was 1) use oil while frying and 2) Make myself a pre dinner sandwich using butter, because i was hungry. These are 3 things which i dont even reflect upon in daily life because there is nothing to think about or reflect over. But for just 3-4 years ago i could not use oil or butter at all. I couldnt even eat on my own accord, let alone willingly use oil when making food or to even consider making a sandwich using butter and nonetheless eat it as a "pre dinner" snack. Hunger and cravings were two things i completely disregarded, i couldnt and didnt listen to those two signs.

Just 4 years ago i couldnt eat on my own. I couldnt sit down, i was always standing or exercising. I could not concentrate or anything. I could not look in the mirror without feel huge self hate. And i couldnt eat a meal without feeling guilty and hating myself. I could not go a day without exercise, let alone sit still for a whole hour. I couldnt go to the cinema, i couldnt spend time with friends - if i even had any, which i didnt at that time. I couldnt go to family gatherings or parties because it always resulted in anxiety and guilt.

Just 4 years ago i couldnt do a basic thing such as eat if i wasnt forced to eat. I couldnt do a basic thing such as rest unless i was forced to. I didnt even allow myself to sleep because i thought "i wasnt burning enough calories" then.

I was scared of having a healthy food intake and being "normal", that scared me so much . I didnt want to be normal or healthy, my identity was the sick person, but i also dreamed of being normal... of being able to eat when i wanted to. To be able to just sit down and eat when i was hungry and enjoy it. Not overthink it, not count calories, not plan my day around exercise (or in all honesty, i just exercised all the time and said no to everything else). I wanted health but at the same time it scared me so much because i didnt know how to get there and i thought that if i listened to my body i would be fat. I thought that if i ate chocolate i would never stop gaining weight.

But now, 4 years later i can listen to my body. I can do simple things which once were so extremely difficult. Its crazy really how something that seemed so impossible once can now be so easy, but it is also a reminder to you all. That you may be struggling now but it doesnt have to be that way forever, however it does mean that YOU have to make a change and keep fighting those fears and restrictions. I mean you dont wake up one day and suddenly be fine with eating and all your problems are gone, but its a continuous battle where you have to be stronger than your eating disorder.

But its also a good reminder that simple things that seem so hard now, such as leaving the house, talking to people and feeling happy, they wont always be hard. But maybe in a few weeks or months i will look back on this and feel proud over myself how those simple things are once again simple. That leaving my bed isnt such a hard act or leaving the house each day isnt the worst thing. But the important thing is to keep fighting to make the changes!

Time will always pass, and you have to take your chance every moment to make a change when necessary. Because 5 years can pass and you might not change at all or 5 years can pass and you can be a completly different person, whether that change is a positive or negative one is up to you!!


  1. Isn't it weird how it feels like another lifetime ago you were sick? Thinking back to who I was a few years ago I can't believe it was really me. But at the same time, it wasn't, I was controlled by sickness. I thought I would never recover... or eat any of my "fear foods" again. But here I am; recovered and eating everything! :) I am so glad i fought the fight. I am glad you did too. I hope everyone does.

  2. Thank you Izzy! X

  3. LOVE THIS Izzy! It’s so important to see how different we are now versus when were were in the midst of our eating disorders. Sometimes, I think nothing as changed at all, but then I think back to what it was like to be succumbed to disordered thoughts. only then do I realize how far I’ve come. It’s hard outthink back to that time, but I also find it necessary in order to appreciate how far I’ve come.

  4. Lol. Those are two things, not three. ;-) And what else has changed compared to one or two years ago. Exercise, blog, exercise, blog...

    1. It was 3 things.. using oil, using butter and eating because I was hungry. And if you don't like my blog you don't have to read it.

    2. well said izzy

  5. i feel like I'm where you started out i.e.. in the pics of how you once was, sad and frightened but i hope too that i will be like the other pics of you now. you give me hope thank you, i just feel a bit stuck and scared at mo cos i want to be free so much yet i don't know how to get to the other side i feel lost and scared