Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Monday, October 26, 2015

Relapsing with an eating disorder

I thought i would talk about relapsing.... it is very common during recovery. And some people say you need to relapse to truly recover, i dont believe thats true.

I say i've relapsed when i was sick, but when i think about it.... i never truly relapsed, because i was equally sick, all the time - though i did get sicker during the time. But i mean, when i was in inpatients, i never got better. There wasnt any improvement with me..... all i did was gain weight because i had to while i was an inpatient, and then as soon as i was home again i lost it all, and that was my plan all along.
  So its not like i truly got better, and then fell back again.
But the fact is i did go from inpatient to day patient and then back to inpatient and then day patient and so on.... and i only got sicker and more depressed. But still.... its almost like relapsing? (or maybe not)

But anyway, relapsing is normal unfortunatly.... and it just means you have to fight harder, because when you relapse, the voice in your head gets stronger and you listen to the voice, you become weaker. But instead, you need to become stronger, to fight back.... to know you want to recover, even if the voice in your head tells you that you dont want to recover.
    Make a list of all the good things about recovering, and all the bad things about your eating disorder.

And just because you relapse, doesnt mean that you just lie down and accept it... No, you fight back even harder. 
    Just because you've gone a few days/weeks where you've done things wrong, that doesnt mean you cant turn around and stop it.
  I mean you know what you're doing wrong. You make the conscious choice on listening to the voice in your head, its you who decides you'll skip lunch, or workout extra long etc. But its also you who can make the choice to eat ice cream with friends and just deal with the anxiety, or to eat that fear food, or to skip that workout. Its your choice...  thats something you need to remember.
  You have the choice to change your life.

Recovery is something you choose.

Its always your choice, even if it may not seem like it. I mean there is always the choice whether you cheat with your food/meal plan, or to skip a meal etc.
  But it is also your choice to do things right, and know that its you wwho will benefit frmo doing the right thing, but suffer the consequences of doing the wrong thing.

To prevent relapse, know your triggers... and look out for warning signs. 
  Like when you start feeling anxious around food/certain foods... then you need to start eating those foods, go against the anxiety. When you start cutting out food - My best advice - DONT.
  When you start looking at yourself and finding flaws.
When you skip a meal/snack.
When your working out and decide to do even more, even when you're tired.
Forcing yourself to workout even if you dont want to.
Avoiding siutations where there will be food involved

^¨Those are just some warning signs, which if you are a friend/family member of someone who is sick can look out for. Or even if it is you who is trying to recover, if you notice those types of things, then you want to stop with those things.

Here is :

Relapse prevention for anorexia and bulimia

The work of eating disorder recovery doesn’t end once you’ve adopted healthy habits. It’s important to take steps to maintain your progress and prevent relapse.
  • Develop a solid support system. Surround yourself with people who support you and want to see you healthy and happy. Avoid people that drain your energy, encourage disordered eating behaviors, or make you feel bad about yourself.
  • Stick with your eating disorder treatment plan. Don’t neglect therapy or other components of your treatment, even if you’re doing better. Follow the recommendations of your treatment team.
  • Fill your life with positive activities. Make time for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Try something you’ve always wanted to do, develop a new skill, pick up a fun hobby, or volunteer in your community. The more rewarding your life, the less desire you’ll have to focus on food and weight.
  • Avoid pro-ana and pro-mia websites. Don’t visit websites that promote or glorify anorexia and bulimiaThese sites are run by people who want excuses to continue down their destructive path. The “support” they offer is dangerous and will only get in the way of your recovery.
  • Identify your “triggers.” Are you more likely to revert to your old, destructive behaviors during the holidays, exam week, or swimsuit season? Know what your triggers are, and have a plan for dealing with them, such as going to therapy more often or asking for extra support from family and friends.

1 comment:

  1. Going backwards can give you the impetus to bounce back with a BANG! :)

    ..well, in reality, recovery is not immediate but rather like teetering on a tightrope as opposed from sick -- to healthy 'ideal'.

    Nevertheless, if you relapse, you have more of an awareness of the pitfalls that not aiming for recovery has.