Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Friday, October 30, 2015

It's easier to say you want change than it is to make a change

Yesterday was a day where i just had enough.... i didnt want to feel this way anymore. I didnt want these thoughts in my head.... the moment where you just know you need to seek help to get better. Where you know that you can not continue in the same path that you will just be on a standstill with the same emotions and the same feelings, or you will spiral downwards, and i want neither of those.

Then i began thinking.... how many times in my life have i said, "I want things to change, i am going to change things". It is easy to think or say that, especially when you reach a point where you have had enough, or you do something you regret or leaves you with lots of anxiety and fear, then its easy to think... im going to change. Tomorrow is going to be a new day and everything will be different. But then it isn't different, you still end up doing the same things... or maybe you last half a day or a day, or even a few days, but you end up ging back to the same old thing and once again you end up repeating "things are going to change"... but things never do and it becomes a constant repetition.

The important thing to remember with change and recovering from mental illnesses is that it doesnt all happen at once. And things dont always go perfectly... you might slip up, make a mistake, take a step backwards, but you need to remind yoursel to not just break apart and think "ive already ruined things might as well ruin them more". For example, if you drop your phone you dont suddenly stamp on it and break it completely just because you dropped it. So for those of you who have black and white thinking and have thoughts such as "i ate a piece of chocolate... now ive ruined it and might as well eat everything" or think " i've eaten a piece of chocolate, now i wont eat for 3 days"... that is black and white thinking, and breaking the phone when all you did was drop it. Instead think, you havent ruined anything and it is not black or white. Before you might have used behaviours such as the above, but now you need to remember that you wanted change and that means not resorting to old or bad behaviours... but instead doing something different, so things change.

It is small steps all the time and realise that all those steps forward will lead to the final goal. Not everyday is awesome, not everyday is easy but it does get better. You need to actually make the change as well, know that it will be tough but it will be worth it.

And this goes for me... i think that "I want change" i want things to be different, i can't keep feeling this way... but all ive done to change things is to look online for therapists... and then not even call anyone, not even talk to someone..... that is doing nothing to change the situation. I cant keep thinking i want change and then not change anything, i know what i need to do, but it means also doing it.


So these were my thoughts yesterday... and i hope they are a reminder to some of you, that it is not enough to think or say that you want change. You wont break free from the destructive mindset and destructive thoughts unless you do something about it and actually make some form of small change everyday!!!



5 comments:

  1. Izzy - I`m sorry to hear you are feeling so low again. You know there comes a time when maybe a strong mindset just isn't enough any more and all the positive thinking in the world doesn't help. Have you considered medication for your depression? Its not just a sticking plaster, depression is a chemical inbalance in the brain and meds help level those inbalances so you can work through your depression, its not a stand alone cure but one to help you function so that you can work at the causes of your low mood. I have depression and take medication but initially I also went through cognitive behaviour therapy, counselling and social inclusion therapy. That, along with medication enabled me to get through the darkest days and to be able to function. Its worth thinking about. You don`t have to exhaust yourself like this when help is available for you. I wish you all the best and know that you are strong enough to come through this - don`t be afraid of seeking a helping hand.
    carol

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    1. I am going to seek therapy, but i dont know about medication.. its not really something i want to take. But everyone has a choice :)

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  2. Im sorry you are feeling like this - i am feeling low these days too. I think it comes in peaks and troughs. Take charge of your mental health and take baby steps to getting some help - or even just talking to a friend or family member. Even email someone who will understand - i know i do! Feel free to email me.

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    1. <3 I hope you feel better soon. Stay strong.

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  3. Tråkigt att läsa att du inte mår så bra. Hoppas du finner någon eller något som kan hjälpa dig back on track så du finner glädjen och ditt glada positiva jag igen! Tänker på dig tjejen!

    Detta inlägg kunde inte kommit lägligare. Jag befinner mig precis på den plats där jag fått nog av ätstörningen och inget hellre vill än att få till en förändring och må bättre igen! Jag vill ta tillbaka mitt liv och ha kontroll över det. Jag är trött på att bli styrd av en fiktiv destruktiv röst i huvudet. Men som du skriver är det så lätt att säga att man vill ha en förändring men oerhört svårt att genomföra förändringen. Jag har i månader tänkt att "imorgon ska jag ta tag i det, då ska jag gå emot ätstörningen i allt. Jag ska äta allt jag är sugen på och när ångesten kommer ska jag bara stå ut i den." Yeah right?! It nerver happens. Jag vill så mycket men vågar inte ta steget fullt ut. Tänker allt eller inget. Svart eller vitt. Måste försöka få in det där tänket "one small step at a time." Men jag är så trött på ÄS att jag vill att förändringen ska ske nu, helst igår. Men å andra sidan. Det tog tid att bli sjuk så därav är det väl logiskt att det kommer ta tid att bli frisk. Önskar det fanns en genväg till friheten, men tyvärr gör det inte det. En sak som är säker är dock att ju längre jag väntar på att börja förändra desto längre tid kommer jag spendera som sjuk. Så jag antar det är bättre att så smått börja förändra nu. Small steps everyday.
    Du inspirerar mig så mycket Izzie. Jag beundrar din styrka och envishet att gå din egen väg och göra vad du vill och det som Du känner är bäst för dig.
    Ta hand om dig och fortsätt vara den underbara och fina tjej du är!
    Kram <3

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