Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, October 18, 2015

How to find motivation to keep going.

Finding motivation and fighting through the tough times is by no means easy. Recovery from a mental illness is not easy and i dont know anyone who says it is, if they have been through it. It also takes time, you dont wake up one morning and everything is good again, it takes time and there are ups and downs.

But how do you find the motivation to get through the bad times? The times when the anxiety, the guilt, the fear, the panic is overwhelming. Your feelings and emotions are so strong and you dont know what to do with yourself, you feel like you cant get up and live another day. You dont want to.. .you dont want to keep fighting, you dont want to fight the demons in your head anymore. Motivation is not easily found so sometimes you just need to follow the steps even if you arent fully commited to it. Because there are certain steps you can take to recover from your mental illness, such as 1) talking to someone, 2) seeking treatment, 3) having a support system and someone to make you do the things which you dont want to do. Because in the beginning you might not have the motivation to do those things. Even after reaching rock bottom its not always easy to go against that voice in your head or the darkness pulling you down, you need someone there to help you. Even when you are commited to recovery it isnt always easy and it can be easier to fall back into destructive behaviours, but that is just a coping mechanism and it is important to find healthier coping mechanisms, because the destructive ones just do harm and arent helping you. So if you arent motivated you can atleast start with recovery because you can find your motivation along the way, but if you just keep going with your destructive behaviour there might not be a turning back, things can go so far that you end up with long term consequences, or you have no long term.

So the first step, jump onto the recovery path and find motivation and your reason to keep going after that, if you havent already found it.

How to find your motivation? You need to dig deep..... is there something which really keeps you going? Something which you really burn for and want to do, see or experience. Setting up small goals can be helpful.

Another way to find motitvation is to think about how restricted you are when you are suffering from a mental illness. What has your illness taken away from you and your life? What are you missing out on.... is there something that makes you angry about your illness? Such as angry that you are so stuck in your routines and habits but you so desperatly want to be spontaneous and do different things. Or you are angry that you never allow yourself to go out and enjoy yourself with friends or go out to eat or go to parties. Or you feel angry that you cant seem to get things done because your depression is pulling you down and taking all your energy.
  It can help to get angry at your illness.... of course the illness isnt a person, it isnt a thing, its something inside your head. But you can get angry at that chemical imbalance, and that anger can turn into motivation because you so badly want your life back, want your life to be normal, be free from your illness.

Thinking about what you are missing out on, what your eating disorder has taken from you and what it will continue to take from you can be a form of motivation. Or writing a list of things you want to do but dont feel you can do now because of your mental illness... that can be motivation because you realise what your illness has taken from you and will continue to take.

Your motivation has to come from you and in the end your recovery has to be for YOURSELF. You cant recover for anyone else or for "things". You need to want to recover for yourself, because that is the one thing that will keep you going. Of course wanting to recover for yourself isnt always the easiest, especially when you are going through the tough times then you dont want to keep going. But you need to trust the process and trust recovery and want it for yourself. Want it for YOUR life, for YOUR health, for YOUR opportunities and all the things that life can bring you, but you have to be alive for them and also be healthy for them. Because opportunities can come, but you have to dare to take them and be healthy enough for them as well.

Even when you see your body change, when you are very bloated, when you are super full but know you still need to eat, even when you want to cry at a restaurant, or when you feel like picking up something sharp and hurting yourself, or you feel like spending a whole week in bed due to sadness, you need to pick yourself up and remind yourself that you can get through this and that you need to for YOURSELF. Because it is your life  and it is you who needs to do the hard work, but it is worth it. You need to dare to recover and dare to step outside of your comfort zone and do the things that scare you.

To find your motivation set  up goals, know that you want to recover for yourself, know that it is worth it. That even if its tough now, it can get easier but you also need to work on your thoughts and realise that you are worth a good life, you are worth a happy and healthy life, but you also need to fight for it. Even of the darkest of times you can get through, you need to find a glistening of hope and faith, a spark of motivation for life and for your own life. Want to recover for yourself, because that is the thing that will keep you going and keep you from relapsing or completely giving up, when you know that you want to live and you want to be healthy and happy for YOU and your own sake.

I hope this helps somehow. But like mentioned in the beginning, motivation isnt something easily found but you can find it. Sometimes you just need to take steps towards recovery without the motivation and try to find it along the way. Dont just sit around and hope that motivation is found, because that is not how it works. Its all about changing your thoughts and focusing on the positives and on better days, then motivation can more easily be found.


  1. where do u put all the anger, pain, frustration that you would've used ed to numb or control? I'm left with all these awful feelings and i don't have new coping mechanisms cos i don't know how. i feel like I'm going round in circle and the fear of feeling just as bad but bigger in weight makes me not want to put on the weight cos i already feel so terrible now. I've put on 10kg but have 15kg to go and its all too much. i don't have any help so I'm on my own and i know i probably need to eat more and just put on the weight but at the moment i feel so low and frightened i don't know if i can. i don't know what to do izzy. please can you help me get out of this hole. I'm starving too and that scares me so so much that i might lose control.

    1. can you find someone to talk to - whether it is a friend, a helpline, a priest, a counsellor, a self-help group near you, a colleague, or whoever? you say you are "on your own" but ... can you reach out to someone and change that? x. In the end, this is what has always helped me.
      also, can you write out your feelings like Izzy does? can you draw them or paint them or find something creative to do with them? x.

    2. ah bless you anon thanks for replying thats so sweet. i don't have much professional support just a stupid physical monitoring and this usually gets me more upset as they don't understand. I've tried to talk to my mum but she has issues too so not always that helpful. my friends are sick of it and say come back to us when you're well. I'm too old for beat and i feel so alone. i do find writing helps i just want to know why I'm like the way i am and why i can't just get better.

    3. That was my worry too - that by recovering, I would still feel all that pain, but be fat to boot. The fact is, though, that didn't happen. When I was weight-restored, that pain slowly started going away. Once my body was healthy, my mind started following suit. Of course I still had difficult feelings, but I was healthy enough to cope with them and they no longer overwhelmed me. It was super scary, and took a long time to realize, but my mind only became healthy and happy once my body was happy and healthy. That magnitude of pain simply didn't exist once I was healthy. Or more accurately, that pain became something I could manage and no longer overwhelmed me to the point of paralysis. Its hard, but you just have to do it and trust in the process. Have faith. It gets harder before it gets better, but it does get better if you stick with it. As for new ways to cope with the feelings, yes you do need to replace your usual methods. You need to talk, tyou need to process them and experience them, and find ways to let them go (writing, therapy, art,, etc). But I promise that the pain lessens once you are fully physically healthy again. You have to be patient though, and again, have faith that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Practice self care and self love. Treat yourself with kindness and patience and care. Good wishes to you, I know its dark and scary but you ARE on the right path, and going in the right direction, to end up in a better place. Just don't try and get there alone - it can be done, but is so, so much harder. Find support.

    4. (to the original anon!) ... I'm so sorry you are struggling so much with this, and my heart goes out to you. You say you are too old for beat, but I don't think that can be completely right. I wrote to them a few times as an adult (in my 20s and 30s), once just for support as a one-off, and a couple of times to enquire about what kind of help I could get, given the constraints of my particular situation. I think they will do what they can to help put anyone in touch with some sort of help. Do try them, and tell them the constraints of your situation and what you are looking for. I agree with the things the anon above says too -- keep going! it does get better. Look after yourself... Love from all of us!