Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Friday, October 16, 2015

Focusing on the positives

Good morning!!
This morning I felt that I was in need of as much positivity and positive thinking as possible. 

Yesterday evening was a lovely evening with my boyfriend and his parents at a restaurant. There was delicious food and a good time. Though it wasn't until the night when my boyfriend had fallen asleep and I lay awake with alot of anxiety, the weight of depression weighing me down and 1001 negative thoughts.  At that moment all I wanted to do was take some sort of pill to make it all go away or for the first time ever, I felt like picking up the phone and calling a therapist or someone. I didn't know what to do with myself or my thoughts and sometime at 3 or 4am I finally fell asleep, only to wake up at 7am. I do not want this post to be negative or to go into my thoughts as I don't even know why everything felt so strong. There was alot of fear  and sadness anyway.   But I want this post to be positive,  because that is what I need right now.... lots and lots of positivity and motivation.

So today I am going to be excited for today. It's Friday after all,  going to be excited for a new day. I'm going to make it a good day,whatever I do. I'm going to notice the small things, like flowers while out walking or the blue sky or notice something that makes me smile. I'm going to look in the mirror and try to smile at myself, write nice words on my skin instead of feeling like using something sharp. I'm going to eat lots of green stuff as that is what I am craving! I am going to cuddle my dog and take a power nap and hopefully laugh while listening to a podcast. I am going to read my book and maybe lift some weights at the gym if i have the energy! It is the small things in life. Focusing on all the big things, on all the musts, the future and to do's.... that can be overwhelming and sometimes you just need to focus on the small things each day. Make the day positive and that is what I need right now. Good thoughts, happy thoughts and positivity.

And maybe reconsidering to book a new time for the psychiatrist as I had already cancelled that appointment,  not feeling ready.... but it feels like I've reached the point of, I can't keep feeling this way and feels like I can't get any lower with my thoughts  (though I know I can and that scares me). Or better put, if my thoughts get even darker then I don't know what I will end up doing. But for now.... positivity,  positivity, positivity.




6 comments:

  1. Hey Izzy,

    I've been following your blog for like a year now, or maybe even more, I don't know. It is so weird to see how you changing ... because I am changing the same way the same time. I started to deal with negative and bad thought around the same time when you started to write about it (maybe a little bit earlier). And I can't even write down how much the same I feel as you write it down. It's scary. Even though we have so different lives. Anyway. I was thinking about going to a pshychiatrist as well, but I wasn't ready. I somehow managed then to stay at the same level of 'depression', and not going deeper, because I don't want to go to a doctor. But I feel like I need to go back to normal, to my normal, happy, careless myself, especially that my behaviour affects my relationship too. I hope you will get back to yourself as well, either with help or not, and I really hope that your writings will be 'scary' in a way as you are healing at the same time as I am. Good luck!

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    1. I am sorry you are struggling and I really hope that my posts haven't been triggering or anything. It's scary to feel this way and the last thing I want to do is trigger anyone else. Stay strong and I hope that we both - and everyone else struggling -start to feel better soon.

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  2. Have you regained the weight that you had lost?

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    1. I don't know. I don't weigh myself so often, but I think I've regained a little of it anyway. But I haven't been actively trying to gain weight.

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  3. It's scary how I'm feelin this too, at the same time as you. I hope that everyone, including yourself Izzy, starts to feel better soon -- as depression just sucks the life and soul out of you.

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    1. Thank you. And I hope you feel better soon as well. Keep fighting and know that things can get better!!

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