Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, October 10, 2015

Final race of the year & picturebomb

Sooo.... my final race of the year. Or i presume it is my final race, but who knows i might run another one. They are somehow so addictive, its like i love them and hate them at the same time. Like all addictions i guess, but atleast races are a positive addiction (but maybe not so economic, and if you start running long races far too often then the chances of injury increases. )But anyway...

My feelings for the race? Yesterday it was anxiety and "dont want to do it", but then this morning while out for a walk with the dog my thoughts changed and i began thinking, "this will be alot of fun. Its running on trails which is what i love most, not running on concrete for 10m, but in the forests where there are ups and downs and more of a flow!" So that was my thinking before the race, a positive mindset.

My parents drove me to the start and they stayed there to watch me start running and were also there when i crossed the finish line, which was nice. I love when there is someone there waiting for me at the finish line, i can then share my joy which is fun :)

How did the race go? The first 4km were just fun, despite really needing to pee (even though i went 2 times beforehand XD I guess drinking a whole energy drink before the race just isnt good for the bladder.) the first few km just flowed by and the upphills weren't a problem. But then from 4-7km eveyrthing just feels tough and i just feel like dying and giving up and not wanting to continue. This seems to be a standard for me, these 3km are just the worst. My mind tells me to stop, my lungs dont get the oxygen they need and my legs start to ache... but then almost immediately after passing the 7km mark it is alot easier again and i get back into the flow and my mind begins to co operate. So learning to not give up durin those 3km is the toughest part of the whole race!

Once i cross the finish line with a racing pulse and a smile across my face, all of that "i never want to run again. This is torture." thoughts just go away, like they never existed and all i can think is "I love this sport so much. I love the endorphines, i love the adrenaline and i cant wait until my next race". And even if my mind tells me... lets go run a half marathon, i need to be a little practical and realise that my lungs just arent co operating with me and until breathing gets easier i cant press my body to run that far :( Whenever my lungs stop me from running it always makes me feel sad and makes me think back to when running 20km every weekend was easy, and now 10km makes me start coughing blood :( But onto positive things.... i have now run the four races part of "Nacka touren", i.e a half marathon and 3 x 10 km runs! So i got a rose, a diploma and alcohol free champagne (?) and also a present card for one of next years races. So hopefully i will be able to run the half marathon next year, and then i can run it for free (always a bonus, because races arent cheap :( )

Races are alot of fun and very addictive even if at times there is so much more pressure with races and you get the "why am i doing this" thoughts during the run, but overall it is alot of fun :) But remember, running isnt for everyone. So if you dont enjoy it... dont feel bad, there are other sports :):)

Do what you love and i love running - even if at times it is a love/hate relationship.

^^Me warming up by my self....

Favourite part of my room

My step dad took some running photos, so i might post them later when i get them :):)

No comments:

Post a Comment