Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Compensation is not the answer

When you're sick with an eating disorder, you often  compensate. If you eat, you puke or exercise.
  The less you eat, the more you exercise. The more you eat, the more you purge. The worse you feel, the more you self harm.
If you eat anything 'high calorie', 'fatty'. You compensate by not eating anything for the next X days. You have to go running for X hours. You cant relax.

If you eat... you wont be allowed to do this.... etc etc

Its all compensation. Its not the way to get rid of anorexia.
   You compensate to minimize the anxiety/panic/angst (whatever you call it.)... but the thing is, its still there. You'll get the anxiety, anyway.
 And its better to jsut face things head on, then shy away and try to take a short cut. Because that short cut, thats the long road.
  You need to face up to anorexia, to the anxiety, you cant hide away from it. Because then its Ana winning. Its Ana who is in control then.
  Your just trying to  minimize the pain/the anxiety. But one day you will have to face that pain anyway, and the thing is... you dont die from it. You dont die from anxiety.
  It might feel like it, like you being ripped apart from the inside out. How you cant breathe, you feel dizzy. But you dont die, im living proof.
  I stood up to my anxiety, I didnt let it control me anymore.
I challenged Ana, i ate foods that scared me. I relaxed. I dealt with all the guilt and pain afterwards, somedays i had to take calming medicine... but theres nothing wrong with that.
  You cant compensate, it wont get you anywhere, you wont become healthy or free from anorexia, thats one thing for sure anyway.

And no cheating either, thats Ana. Taking a little less food, doing a little bit more walking. Leaving food here, leaving it there.
  Where will that get you? Another more week with anorexia? Another year or your life?
Face it head on, do things right, and just deal with the anxiety. The anxiety will fade, anorexia will fade.

And think of it this way..... Do you want to be 40 years old and have anorexia? Do you want to be 80 years old? (If you even live that long, you ususally dont if you have anorexia)
  Do you want to be 40 years old, scared to eat. No kids, as you never got your menstruation back, no partner, as no one can deal with someone who is so scared to live.
  And you're out running everyday, because you need to exercise. You dont eat, or barely.
What type of life would that be?
  Do you want to be 20-25 years old, and look like you're 50?
Why are you letting yet another year of your life go by... when in the end? You dont want to be 40 and have anorexia.
  Why let time go by, when you could be using this time to get better.
 You dont recover from something like an eating disorder in a day... but it takes just one day, to decide that from right this second, you are no longer going to listen to Ana, you are no longer going to spend anymore of your life, not living. That you are going to recover, and from this second. You are going to do thigns right.
  Maybe everyday doesnt go right? But then think... tomorrow is a new day?

What do you say? Is it time for recovery now? 

*repost of an old post*


  1. would you maybe do a post on gaining weight when you are already in the healthy range? Maybe because of age, strength training, or just fluctuations? And how to mentally avoid relapsing because of them?

  2. I struggle with this A LOT. Especially recently, I have been sick and lazy and it makes everything harder. Luckily, I have been working at my recovery for quite some time now and feel a lot stronger.