Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Sunday, October 4, 2015

Can you fully recover from am eating disorder ?

A question which many have in recovery is if they can fully recover. Many doubt it, infact I have read posts from people who say they are recovered but don't believe you can fully recover because they are still somewhat controlled by their eating disorder or still get thoughts and got regarding food,exercise, body image etc

However that makes me doubt that they actually are fully recovered, of course they can be recovered but still have 5% left to fight off. That was how it was for me. I was declared healthy August 2012 and I felt healthy, mentally and physically.  I felt good in my body and most of my disordered behaviours and thoughts were gone, however in the next 2 years or so sometimes a disordered thought would creep in such as "i can't eat some of the chocolate my family bought because I already ate ice cream today" or "can't have oil or dressing on my salad" or "definitely can't eat a slice of white bread. " but then I realised that those thoughts weren't healthy and then I needed to go against them. If I were to listen to that voice then over time the thoughts would have gotten stronger. But instead I ate white bread,or ate chocolate even though I had eaten ice cream before hand and I added extra to my salad or didn't try to get rid of the dressing. And eventually those thoughts didn't creep into my mind anymore but it was a process,knowing that I couldn't listen to that voice and that food should NEVER be connected with guilt or anxiety, not something I need to burn off or feel that I can't eat. It's all about moderation and balance which was the most important thing to remember.

  I mean there is still common sense and balance which needs to be remembered. If I have already eaten ice cream and lots of food beforehand then I don't necessarily need to eat a whole 200 chocolate bar, but I shouldn't be scared of taking a row because that is what I want, even if I already ate something before hand. The thoughts can go away completely, but then you can't resign yourself to just accepting the thoughts. Accepting that you will feel guilt around some food,or will never be able to eat some food or will never be able to do something because it causes you too much guilt. It shouldnt be that way, you need to completely fight your ED.  Not resign for half recovery or being almost recovered but still battling with some thoughts.  Because if you don't face them, then they will still be there controlling you forever. However when you are almost recover then you should have the strength and knowledge to go against those controlling thoughts and know better. Do the opposite,  because that is the only way that you will get stronger and your eating disorder will get weaker/fade away.

It's like with weeds, you need to dig in deep and completely remove the weed,not just the bit that can be seen because otherwise it will continue to grow and expand and take over the whole garden. You need to remove it at the roots so it can't grow back and take over!!

So I believe that full recovery is possible but it does take time.  You can't let those small, last thoughts still control you.... Because if you are scared of eating a white slice of bread now and again or scared of eating both crisps and chocolate in the same day, can you really say that you are healthy? Food is still something controlling,  something that gives you guilt which is what you need to move away from wen you recover.

This is my own opinion from my own experience, but maybe you feel differently.... but then the question is,are you doing something to go against those thoughts or just allowing them to control you? Because you have the power to change.  You just have to make a change then!!


  1. I truly hope that one can! No matter how long it takes.. Xx :D

    1. You can fully recover!! But you have to fight for it and not resign for half recovery or think "it doesnt get better than this". Becuse if you dont make it better, then it wont get better.

  2. I've commented before on this topic, but it's something I feel strongly about so here I go again :) Thank you for continuing to address the myth that eating disorders are a lifelong battle and something that will need to be "managed" for the rest of one's life. This is SO false, and such a harmful way to view recovery. Not only is it defeating to think that you will always struggle to some degree or another, but it allows people to get stuck in half-recovery because people don't know that more is even possible. It IS possible to recover fully. I am living proof, as are many others. I spent years (many many years) thinking otherwise, and it was all such a waste. You CAN recover to a point where your ED is a non-issue, a non-factor, just a chapter of your life. You may always be more *prone* to eating disorder relapse, and you should be aware of and recognize your own personal red flags, but it is absolutely possible to get to a point in life where you have zero ED thoughts, and maybe can't even relate to the sick person you once were. Full recovery is possible, and you should accept nothing less! Fight for it, because you have NO IDEA how beautiful life can be on the other side. You do NOT need to resign yourself to this grey cloud following you around, ready to rain down at any moment and requiring constant vigilance. It is possible to have blue skies. It is possible to move on, and move beyond. And it is so, so worth it. I strongly believe that people who say they are recovered, but will always have to stay on top of the thoughts and behaviours - well, those folks are not truly recovered yet. And I suffered for FIFTEEN YEARS with my ED! I fully believed that it was always going to be with me to some extent, and my goal was to just manage it and stay on top of it and keep fighting. And now? That fight is actually OVER. And I won. All you people still suffering in recovery - don't settle for anything less than a TRUE and full recovery. It is possible, and it is possible for each and every one of you.