Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Beginning to use my maths brain again

Firdat day back at school and back to studying. My first initial thoughts... "why, i dont want to. I am not ready for this." But once i got there it felt ok. The class is  a mix of many different people of all ages... some havent studied maths in several years and others just graduated like me.

One thing which kind of annoys me is that because i went the social science program i only learnt certain things in my maths class so now or the course i am taking i am mising quite a few "basics" and knowledge which i should have learnt in high school... and the teachers advice was to... study it on my own. I mean thats helpful -_-

So we began with what was supposed to be a repetition but was something completely new for me so i was just trying to understand what we were doing and why. And once the class ended after 3 hours (we finished an hour earlier as it was "repetition") i left the class just feeling confused and irritated. However luckily i have until Monday to try to learn all the "basics" and things i am supposed to know... so basically study each day until Monday to try to learn everything. And also the school has extra math tutorials several times a week which i am definitely going to go to. I feel that these next 9 weeks will be intense and lots of maths studying... i almost wish it was 3-4 hours 3-4 times a week instead of just 2 times a week... i would learn so much better if i had a teacher each day instead of just relying on Google. 

So once i was done in school i headed to the gym for a quick 45 minute session and then home, made lunch and went to the library where i live. And then i took alot of space with all my books, pens, computer etc and ate lunch while trying to Google all my answers and find problems and solutions and try to figure things out on my own.... roughly 2 hours into it i began to understand a little and after almost 4 hours of studying i felt that i understood somewhat, but my mental energy was decreasing so there was no point sitting any longer. I had done almost 7 hours of maths in a day... i think that's enough. I have tomorrow to continue with my studying!!

Right now i am definitely feeling tired and my brain almost hurts... is that even possible? Now i just want to watch series and not think at all. Going from not doing any maths in almost 4 months to suddenly doing so much at once.... yeah, i cant quite do things normally. Either i do things 50% or not at all. But also i am the type of person who needs to do things at once, i know that if i need to study or get things done i need to do them at once, otherwise i get anxious, stressed and irritated. Those two qualities can be good, but they can also be very negative as i pretty much shut everything else out in my life and never really feel satisfied with my work... always feel like i need to do more -_-' Need to learn to be satisfied with the work i put in, because i know i do enough and do my best, but i cant quite accept that and always think i need to do more. And if i dont get things done at once, then i just feel anxious and can get irritated/angry.

Anyway, those are my problems!! 


  1. I think you should be very proud of yourself for starting up again :) And I also think it is important that you work on the "never being good enough/doing enough" feeling. I struggled so much with this and burned all out. its crazy for me thinking that i studied for 16h each day, and still felt like i should've studied more. I was so tired I couldn't remember anything and I was to tired to remember anything I read. make sure you study "smart", not too much so you burn out and lot hope. remember that studying isn't your life and that you health is much more important! :) Good luck with your studies, i know you can do it! :)

  2. Of goodness, I haven’t taken a math class since I was a senior in high school! Perks of being an english major hehehehe. Good on you for doing this class!