Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Answers - Random personal questions

It's fun that i got so many questions, i wasn't expecting it. Considering that i have answered so many questions, but there are always new ones which i love :) I'm not going to answer the questions in order, i'm just going to answer the easier ones first and eventually try to answer them all... so answers/posts should be posted throughout the week :)

Has your depression caused any problems in your relationship?
Yes and no.... I am not as positive, energetic and upbeat as i was when we first met and started dating - but on the other hand i amnt as stressed either (i was super duper stressed towards the end of high school and that was a rough time, which lead to me now feeling the way i feel... so basically its been a downward journey since spring time). I am a bit more distant and stuck in my own thoughts, so in a way that takes it's toll but we havent argued or anything. But i lack the confidence and communication skills to openly talk about my struggles so that takes its toll as well, because i mean if he was struggling i would want him to be open about it and talk about it as communication is key, though i cant follow that advice myself :( (hypocritical really...) But it hasnt made any huge affect, not that i have noticed anyway.

What is your favourite chocolate type? Do you like jelly sweets? Do you have any chocolate you don't like?

I love most types of chocolate so it is hard to answer but i loved the Milka chocolate i bought while on holiday in Lisbon. The toffee hazelnut one was soooo good. As well as the chocolate and biscuit one :) But i love Marabou and Cadbury as well, but at the moment i would have to say those two mentioned above!

No i dont like jelly sweets, i did as a child but now i rarely eat them. I have eaten some liquorice jelly sweets as they are good, but those candies coverd in sugar or jelly candies aren't to my liking anymore. Though sure, i'll eat them... i have eaten stevia jelly candies, but i prefer things like liquorice or chocolate compared to them :)

Chocolate i dont like? I would have to say Hersheys (im sorry to those in the USA and who like that chocolate) but i have tried it several times and it just tastes weird and super duper sweet. But i am sure people in the USA might not like European chocolate! Otherwise i dont like chocolate which has chilli in it... i am very sensitive to strong food so instead of chocolate making me happy, that type of chocolate makes me cry (i.e tears falling because it is so spicy!)

What is your favourite kind of exercise for a specific muscle group?

At the moment my absaloute favourite exercise is deadlifts, and have been my favourite for a while now! Though i am a little scared to go above my PB at the moment because of my hip and lower back problems, so i am so scared of injuring myself and its a mental block instead of a physical block :( Need a workout buddy who can back me up, haha.
  Not sure if you want me to name a favourite exercise for all muscle groups... but i'll do that anyway :)

Back: Deadlifts
Legs: Front squats
Glutes/butt: Hip thrusts on bench with weight
Biceps/triceps: Hammer curls & Cable push downs (with different grips)
Shoulders: Military press or drop set with side raises
Chest: Dumbbell flies 
Core: The little sit up i do when i get up from bed..... Joke, but i think v-sit ups with weights are good :)

On average, how many emails do you get a day?
10-20 each day... so a week without replying to emails and ive got a whole bunch to go through.... Before i used to try to answer them all, but i have now realised i dont have the time for it. Answering emails would have to be a permanent job if i were to answer them all, so i just try my best and if i dont answer then i hope that you can find the answer on my blog, or comment on my blog or even better yet, go to a professional!!

Do you ever feel pressure to live up to your "fitness image"?

I dont have a fitness image... XD Seriously my fitness image is holding a broccoli in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. 

  However i do feel pressure as this "recovered anorexic" image, which kind of annoys me. Though in a way i choose it myself because i still blog and i write on my platforms that i am recovered from anorexia, when infact maybe that isnt necessary. Instead just be me... leave that part out. But i feel like there is this image of how someone recovered from an eating disorder should be, and i dont fit into that... people presume i am still sick because i workout, because apparently that isnt ok if you have had an eating disorder in the past. Or because i like to eat salads (And lets not forget that i eat like 500g chocolate in a week and roughly 100g salted nuts a day..... #all about that diet and restrictive way of living -_-' (for those of you who dont get it, that was a joke and sarcasm. I'm just a little tired of being accused of things all the time) ) . So in that sense i feel a bit of pressure, but also why i was so scared to open up about how i was truly feeling because i felt like then my "recovered" image wouldnt be valid and that i would negatively affect people... as if, recover from your eating disorder and still be depressed... when infact that isnt the case. The last time i felt so low was back at the end of 2012 and i think spring 2014. Unfortunately i think its in my genes and something in my head that makes me feel so low and that its something that will come and go, so you can recover from your illness and not have to go through another mental illness again. But this is how it seems to be for me... but i am not going to make any prejudgments, because who knows... this could be the last time i feel so low, maybe i'll get through this and never have to through it again!!

Ok, that was a long answer for a short question XD

How tall are you?

176cm (Or like 175,8... but same thing XD) Though i wish i was 177-178 cm... i would most likely have been that tall if i didnt stunt my growth by not eating.

Do you ever get hate emails? Are you worried about stalkers on your blog?

Sometimes i get mean emails but mostly its comments. Hmmm yes and no. I have had people make facebook accounts using my pictures, used my pictures as pro ana or even used my stories as their own and used my pictures on different platforms. So that is kind of scary, however i have been too unbothered to watermark my pictures and when it comes to texts... i guess i sort of have "copy right" (?) on my text and if they dont source back to me its plagiarism... in a sense (hence why i always try to use sources when using other peoples texts) but also its important to ask permission before using anyone elses texts especially when it comes to blogs and such. But with stalkers.... i guess i am worried in some sense, i mean the online world isnt exactly filled of 100% kind and respectable people. There are a lot of weird people online who might see my blog and decide to do more research, and that scares me. But there isnt so much i can do about it... unless anyone has any tips about precautions i can take?

The next round of questions/answers will be up sometime :)


  1. You're entitled to sarcasm, for God's sake! I feel pissed off that you need to explain yourself every time you show some sense of irony.
    What if you just tried and stopped paying attention to those compulsively hair splitting comments for a while? I have a hard time trying to see why you still are remaining your patience.

    Please, don't let them bully you.

  2. Do you think it's good that forcefeeding in prisons was made illegal (as it was considered as torture)?
    This one will sound silly, but what is your advice on rumbling stomachs? It's very hard to control it for hours whilst at school. (It doesn't rumble because of emptiness, I've been a healthy weight for two months now). I know restricting isn't an option, but it's more and more tempting because it'd stop it. It's very uncomfortable to not be able to focus and relax because I know it might make loud noise ;/ really silly sorry, but it bothers me so much and causes anxiety.
    Additionally, I've come across your underweight pictures on proana sites. It's sad really. Also, it may be controversial, but do you think they really are anorexic if they choose that way of living? I mean that people on those sites say they want to be anorexic as soon as they say they wanna lose weight (when we all know weightloss doesn't equal anorexia), but EDs aren't a choice but mental disorders, so is it possible to consciously develop an illness when the point of being sick with it is that it's subconscious and the sufferer isn't aware of it? Hopefully this is clear enough for you to understand :)
    Sending hugs! <3

    1. good QUestion!
      These sides are so..scary!
      When I first found them, i thought it would be some kind of bad joke.
      It is very sad!

      And , Izzy, as I said it some times before (know you don`t know me...)), I really really "admire§ you, Your wa of thinking, sometimes you seem to be so much older...
      Be nice to yourself!