Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Saturday, October 10, 2015

Answers - growing taller, what to do when friends are dieting, when people tell me i look better before (i.e underweight)

Hi, i was wondering did you grow taller during the desease? I used to be fat when i was ten and when i turned 12 i started to lose weight. Every thing got back normal when i was about 14 but then things got worse again. Now i m 17 it s been though during this last two years and i haven t had my periods for three years and my boobs(sorry but i m not english and i don t know if there is a nicer word to call them) never grew and i didn t even grow i hight. My question is: do you think that THEY will ever grow? And i m short now 159 cm and since my parents are quite tall they say that i didn t grow because of my behavour. Do you think it s true? Cause lately i ve been bothering my self with this thought cause i suffer for my hight. 
Sorry for the lenght, i hope i didn t bother you and i wish you a nice day!:) and by the way you re really inspiring, i really admire you:):)

First off thank you, I am glad that you like my blog and i can inspire you.

To answer your questions, you might not grow in height, maybe just a few mm/Or a cm or two if you eat properly. But when you starve yourself and your body doesnt get the nutrients it needs, then you wont grow in height. I am rather tall, but i know that i would have been taller if i hadnt suffered from my eating disorders, and i also know that i would have had bigger boobs. For me, my boobs did sort of grow back as i gained weight but they would have been bigger (i am guessing) if i hadnt starved myself while going through puberty/growing up. If you gain weight and reach your healthy weight then your body might change a little and you might get bigger boobs, and if you are eating properly you might grow a few mm. However as you are now 17 and havent had your period for the past few years, the chance of growing taller is unlikely. Also the fact that you havent had your period for the past 3 years is maybe because you arent at a healthy weight or fat percent? If you do have a healthy fat % and healthy weight then i would suggest going to the doctor to see why you havent gotten your period back, as there is medicine you can take. But when you get your period and your hormones work properly that can make your boobs grow a little & also lots of food and a healthy fat % will make them a little bigger. However for some, they dont grow back and that is just due to genetics then. But learn to love your body no matter how it looks, but i would suggest you checking up why you havent gotten your period back as that is important to have if you are a girl (and not taking medication which makes you not have it).
 In my group of friends I have a girl who is trying to loose weight and also build muscle by dieting and forcing herself to the gym. Where as I´m trying to gain weight (and muscle) by eating a lot and actually I have not gained almost any weight in the past three months even if I have gotten more muscular. I enjoy exercise so much and never have to force myself to workout. The problem is that I feel like I have to restrict myself in my friend group because I don´t want to make this girl feel bad. She is always talking about dieting stuff and flexing her muscles and so on. And I would actually love to talk about my workouts too and how I´m making progress and gaining while actually having fun. But I feel like I can´t flex and stuff around her because I don´t want her to be jelous or I don´t want my friends to think I´m bragging. So I always just nod and smile.
Do you have experiences like this? Forgot that I also feel like I can´t eat as much as I want to and need to around her because she is on a diet.

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. However you have to know that you cant stop how your friends react or how they think, you have the right to talk about your workouts and flex and such if you want to. If your friend can do that, then so can you. If your friend gets sad or feels bad that you do that, then she has to work on her own confidence and realise that even if you are smaller than her she can still talk about her workouts and such as well. Why dont you suggest working out together, if you have that in common? Maybe you can make it fun for her then if you can show her how much you love it. You can also try talking to that friend if she has shown signs that she gets offended when you talk about your workouts, ask her why. I mean if she can do it, so can you.

For me personally, i never really felt like talking about my workouts or my achievements in running or working out with my friends because even if they were happy for me, i think it sparked something within some of them. A bit of jealousy but also because i worked out because i enjoyed it, when they had to force themselves to workout or didnt even workout because they didnt enjoy it. And i dont judge them at all, everyone is different... but sometimes i wish that i could talk about my races or workouts without them telling me i was bragging or something. For example, when i ran my first half marathon i was super happy and proud and none of them said congratulations or well done, just asked me when i was going to run a full marathon, as if i could magically just do that. And it kind of bothered me, but then i realised that the problem wasnt me... but it was them. They had a problem with themselves, that when i did  share my achievements (which wasnt often) it caused something negative inside of them, instead of being proud and happy for me. So your friends should be happy for you when you talk about your achievements, of course... dont do it too often because nobody wants to hear somebody always talking about their achievements. But you should feel ok with doing it now and again. 

And when it comes to food, you need to eat what YOU need to eat. Who cares if your friend is dieting, you can still eat as much as you want. And if she comments and says that you eat too much or alot, then tell her that those comments are unnecessary and that you are eating for YOUR goals. When you have friends that arent as interested in working out as you, it can be tough as sometimes you want to share your achievements, but you need to just learn to deal with that not everyone will be proud of you. Maybe you can find friends or even online friends who share the same interests as you who can be someone you can share your successes with? You can always email or talk to me, or add me on FB if you want, if you ever want to just share some progress or sucesses!

But back to the question, dont be scared to eat what you need even when around friends. They have no right to judge the amount you eat, focus on what you need. And talk to your friends.... maybe they dont even realise how they act or what they say, so maybe just ask them what they think when you talk about working out. And maybe specifically talk to that friend who is on a diet and ask her if it bothers her and why, and maybe you can both do something about it. Either you are both allowed to talk about those things, or neither are allowed.
 Just some suggestions, but i hope it works out for you :)

Do you ever get comments that you looked better before (like in those photos above) than after your weight gain and what does it make you think/feel/react?

Yeah i have. Mostly online - no one who actually saw me when i looked like that has told me that i looked better before. If anything 100% of the comments are that i just keep looking better and better! For me i dont take it personally when someone on my blog comments and tells me that i looked better when i was underweight. Because unfortunatly society gives us this image of underweight which is seen as the ideal body. Ive often been told that my body at around BMI 16/17 was the "perfect" body and i looked better then, and that actually scares me. That people think an underweight body is a better looking body than now when i have a healthy body and a happy body. When i was around a BMI 16/17 i ate next to nothing, i worked out alot, i was filled with anxiety, self hate and fear. I hated myself and i constantly felt fat, i never liked the way i look. And now when i have a BMI of around 20/21 my body is strong, it is healthy and has a healthy fat percent. It functions properly (well mostly, apart from my CF things and either being freezing cold or extremely warm. But thats off topic ;)) and 95% of the time i like my body and dont even care when i am bloated which is 70% of the time.
   When people comment and tell me that i looked better when i was underweight, it just shows that they have an unhealthy body image and cant see when someone isnt healthy. Because even if i was slim and maybe you could say "i was naturally slim" you can see in my face and my eyes that i wasnt healthy or happy, but also my behaviour and thoughts is what makes me sick. You can often tell when someone is naturally thin compared to someone who is very thin because of an illness, whether its an eating disorder, depression, cancer, CF etc

I mostly feel sorry for those who think that my body & me looked better when i was underweight and i just hope that one day they can be happy with a healthy body and realise that that is so much more important than being underweight or just skin and bones. I hope that one day they can improve their body image and not feel the need to be super skinny. For me, i love my body now so no matter what people say about my body or think about the way i look i know i am happy and that is all that matters. (Of course health and having a healthy body and mind ALWAYS matters) But when you have those two things, then how your body looks shouldnt matter to others, but you should be happy yourself and not let other peoples opinons matter to you.

*If i havent answered your question or comment, let me know :)


  1. Such wonderful advice Izzy! I don't know whether you've seen my comment? It was a comment on a post a while ago in which you answered three other readers questions? It was the same post in which the second question above was posted? I am the 'anonymous' who is eating 2300 calories and I would love it if you would give me some advice! xxx

  2. Izzy, I think I'm going to end it for myself. I can't look at myself and every time I try to fight this voice I end up in mania. I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I feel like I deserve this for being so disgusting. I don't think I can hold on anymore...

    1. Don't say this, you shouldn't end your life. That is not an option, no matter how tough it is. You can get through this, but maybe you just need to stop, think and breathe for a while. Try to figure out the small things you can do and change to make things better. But first off, TALK TO SOMEONE. call someone,text someone, go talk to someone. Tell them that yiu are struggling and suffering, that you are thinking about suicide. You can get help which you do need. Remember that it is your ED telling you these things,you aren't ugly or fat and you deserve a life. You deserve to live a happy life, but you also have to fight for it. Think about how much you are giving up on, how much you are going to miss out on by giving up. It isn't worth it, and things can get better, but they won't if you give up. You have to stay strong and fight, DON'T act upon such strong feelings. Don't make any spontaneous actions such as this. Talk to someone and get professional help, maybe inpatient for a while if you are struggling this much. You need to fight for yourself and your life. One day you can look back at your struggles and be happy that you didn't give up. You can keep going and things can get better. Recovery is one of the toughest things you will do, but it is also one of the best things. Stay strong, don't give up.

  3. Thank you so much for your answers <3 I´m so thankful that you take time off your day to help others
    Have a great weekend!

  4. Great post! I can also relate to this, i had comments from people telling me you've gained weight and looked better before! of course they didn't know i had an eating disorder, but still i find it very rude! hope your well xo

  5. Hey, I'm 15 turning on 16 this coming August! It's going to be June in a week's time. I had anorexia was when I was 14 (nearing 15), and it carried on till this March. I used to eat nothing but a few cups of broccoli a day... I don't know how I survived. I screwed up my height, relations with others, and went from being a top student to last in the cohort. Pretty much wasted my early teen life. I am just so disgusted and angry at myself for letting others' opinions get to me in such a way and lead me into having such a horrible eating disorder.

    My question is- will I be able to grow in height? I am gaining weight, but I'm not sure if I will grow... My parents are pretty darn tall, and my sister who is 11 is 160cm tall.... and that is what I am, as of current. :( I got my first period when I was 14! Please do help.
    Also, thank you so much for this blog post. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. <3