Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Sunday, October 25, 2015

Answers - calories, reaching goals, exercise

how do i stop counting calories when its so automatic. i have to manage my own diet so need to know but its also suffocating me too with rules and restrictions and anxiety.
For me the only way i stopped calorie counting was by following a meal plan... because then even if i counted everyday and would always round up, so that one day my meal would be X calories and the next day for some reason i would think it was X&50kcal even if it was the exact same meal/snack. So eventually i realised i was eating the same thing each day and so what was the point of counting calories. And then i got alternatives for other foods  such as 1 ice cream & 2 dl juice was equal to a snack or 150g of chocolate covered nuts etc and that was sort of comforting knowing that i wasnt eating "too much" and eventually as i began to trust my body i began eating more intuitively and fogetting about calories. Or if i did count it didnt trigger me as much as i saw it as just numbers. It is an automatic thing and once you know it you wont forget it, but the best thing is to take the triggering factor away from calories. To see it as just number, to try to remind yourself that even if you eat more for one meal it balanced itself out eventually and that eating more one day wont mean that you gain weight. Calories are energy and your body is always burning calories so you need to replace those so that you have energy to live.

Below are some posts which you might find helpful on how to stop counting calories. What works for people is very individual, but taking the fear and negativity out of calories is the best option because calories are always there, people will talk about calories and you will read about calories in magazines etc, but if you dont find calories or knowing the amount in food as something negative then you have nothing to worry about.

How to stop counting calories - masterpost
How to stop counting calories - post
Why and how i stopped counting calories
Metabollism and calories in recovery
Calorie intake in recovery
Is calorie counting and weighing yourself in recovery necessary?
Increasing my calories in recovery
Freedom from calories, weight and obsessiveness

how do you think you would feel/be if you didn't exercise so much? like do you think you would use food again as a means to cope?
I dont really know what you mean with "cope" i dont exercise so that i can eat? I eat and know that i have energy to live and for me that also includes working out, but i of course eat alot more because i workout. So if i didnt workout i dont know if i would be as hungry or need to eat as much as i do. But i wouldnt restrict. For example if i am sick, on holiday or injured and cant workout then i dont decrease my intake, i just eat according to how i feel whether that means i eat 4000kcal in a day or 2000kcal in a day, whether i workout or not doesnt matter. However because i have grown up always being active and that is a part of my life i am pretty sure i would feel sad and very restless and wouldnt know what to do with myself if i couldnt workout so often. I am naturally a restless person so working out is a way for me to release some of that restlessness as well as it is my "Me time". And just like with anyone who does alot of something, if they suddenly cant they can feel very negative, low and dont know what to do .... such as if someone has gone to theater practise 6 days a week or done after school activities 5 days  aweek and then suddenly you cant do those things anymore... you have lots of freetime and you cant do what you enjoy, it does have a mental impact. 

You wrote that goals keep you going. When you reach a goal ... can you be happy and proud about that or is the next goal already in your mind?Oh , or do you panic when you reached a goal, because you have got nothing that keeps you going anymore and ypu have to find something new?

Hmmm, i can be proud of myself when i reach goals... but i dont really stop to be proud of myself either. I mean when i ran my first 15km i was proud but i had already set up my goal of 20km and when i did that my goal was to run an actual half marathon and i wouldnt really be satisfied until i had done that. And then i set up the goal of a full marathon.... so i guess i do put up new goals almost as soon as i have reached a goal. And if i dont have a goal... i do feel a little lost, like i dont know what to do. I need goals to keep me going and to get me up each day, if i dont have goals then i dont see the point of getting up because there is nothing to fight for. However i am not so rigid and strict with reaching goals, i mean i dont set up dates to reach my goals and i dont work towards them everyday. But they are there in the back of my mind and that is helpful. I mean for example now when i am finding the maths difficult and i would very much like to quit the course, i remind myself that i have set up the goal to pass the course and that requires me to put in hours each day to study maths and so it is worth it even if i feel irritated at times.

Do you know " Everything ED recovery" , this side of a women named Sarah?

What is your opinion?
I think many things of your eatopia are good and supportive, but this side is sometimes a little bit too... extreme...? Don`t know, because my anorexia is still so strong, so I would appreciate your opinion very much!

I had never read her blog or heard about "your eatopia" but its sort of like Minni Maud and that does work, so i dont think it is too extreme. It is pretty much recovery and some good guidelines and with the calorie amount they are the amounts you should aim for  based on different factors, however its about increasing and not just jumping from x calories to 2800kcal. I havent read her blog or any posts so i cant say so much about it :)

I think this was all the questions. If i have missed your question then comment it again or comment on the post where you posted the comment and just remind me that i missed your comment :)


  1. Thank you, Izzy, as always.
    It wasn't me who asked, but I was intrigued to hear what you might say in response to the other two questions that one person asked on Oct 20 -- about your opinion on the illegality of forcefeeding in prisons, and about whether people who choose the anorexic lifestyle really have EDs? I have my own views on both of these, but would be intrigued to hear yours. But *only* if it isn't triggering or damaging for anyone -- I am interested, but I don't need to know!
    I hope you have a good day today. Every blessing.

    1. ps it was me who posted this one ^(above) ... Izzy, please ignore it! I really don't need to know, and I'd much rather you got rest or peace or whatever you need. And I am not sick and I know lots of people on this blog are, including you. Love, and thinking of you, and take care. Wanting you to be well, and grateful for all that you are.

    2. Ohh don't worry I am going to answer these. I said I would and i want to, I had just forgotten. Don't worry its not pressuring or stressful ;)

  2. Yes thanks for taking so much time to make sure u answered all our questions. X

  3. thanks so much for answering my q's i really appreciate your advice and support. darling can i ask when I'm following a food plan i don't want to eat exactly the same everyday but i will do a weeks plan and then repeat it each week but do you advise to have exactly the same calories every day or just a rough guide i think it'd be hard to have exactly the same amount but maybe this is where i am going wrong. I'm not sure what to do x