Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, October 5, 2015

6pm and wanting to sleep

Somedays tiredness just takes over. Its like this fog in your head, everything seems far away and you feel distant. A tiredness pulling you down, making it hard to get out of bed or have energy for anything. Today is one of those days... or this evening is anyway. This morning i had lots of energy, though it was around 2pm when the tiredness hit and i wasnt home until around 4pm and  then it was just to make a huge meal as i was super hungry and then to lie in bed and thats what ive done for the past 2,5 hours... and also what i am going to continue doing for the rest of the evening. Ive also gotten stomach pains again, not sure why, but they arent so bad but just making me feel nauseous, hopefully it will pass quickly!!

On a positive note, my boyfriend found my buscard in his car - after 5 minutes of searching!! So now i dont have to buy a new one and dont have to walk everywhere. Even if i do alot of walking to place its nice to atleast know that when i dont want to walk somewhere, its just to sit on a bus or train and get where you need to go quickly! Such as after the gym, i usually walk to the gym as it only takes 20 minutes and that is my warm up, but after the gym... those 20 minutes can take 40 minutes because everything in my body and mind screams "no" hahaa, so then having to walk home is not fun and takes the fun away from walking when you know you "have to." Because otherwise walking is always a choice i make because i want to, if i dont want to then i use public transport.

Too much writing about useless things. Now i am going to listen to music for a while and then watch paper towns if i manage to stay awake long enough anyway!!

How was your Monday?

P.s if you have questions or want me to write about a certain topic or something, let me know :):)


10 comments:

  1. Maybe around 8PM would be fine to go to bed so that you don´t then wake up 4AM :)

    I wrote a comment under the post where you answered 3 questions with the one about others being skinny. I really wish some advice if you have any to my comment. It was the one with one girl in our friend group being on a diet to loose weight and me trying to gain.
    Thank you!

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    1. I am going to try to answer your question today or tomorrow :)

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  2. Dear Izzy,

    first- your blog is great , really so helpful and intelligent!
    Yes, I have question...At the moment, I try to really recover from anorexia (I have the illness for 15 years, seen better and worse times but never came over a BMI of 16,5 or so). I had some kind of strong relapse...
    However, up to lunch everything works ok, I can manage to eat about 2000 kcal untill3 p.a. (don` t count exactly, know, that I would need about 3000kcal a day to gain), bur, then, in the afternoon and evening, I hardly manage to eat another 500kcal- so it`s too less, I know. I prefer to go to bed early...thinking always "tomorrow...I`l eat more in the evening"...Well, I just HAVE to eat more, but have you any advice?
    Ihave "fear foods" and try to eat them, one after the other, and these days are especially difficult...!
    Sorry for my poor English...

    Best wishes, I´m glad that I`ve found your blog...!

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    1. Hello, its great that you are trying to recover and eating during the days, but you also need foods in the evenings. The first thing is to ask yourself why you cant eat in the evenings? What is it that scares you and what can you do about it?

      Try to add in a small dinner to begin with, something with carbs, protein and healthy fats. And over time increase your portions and eventually add in a night snack before bed as well. If you want things to change then you have to change as well. The first step is to try and then try again and again until it is no longer scary. Maybe you can try to eat dinner with smeone else to make sure that you eat. Remember that if you want to gain weight- which you need to - then you need to eat enough so that you do gain weight. Keep fighting that voice in your head and know that the anxiety and guilt wont harm you, but your eating disorder will. Maybe you can try talking to someone or have someone with you who can eat your evening meals with you? Keep fighting.

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    2. Dear Izzy,
      thank you so much, I do really appreciate your answer and the fact that you did!!
      You seem to be a really "strong and good" person(sorry, I really mean it...;)).You might go through a hard time, I wish you all ,my best!!

      Sorry, if I go on your nerves... but another question...
      I just write numbers...at the moment, I do a cood hour of jogging every day... my BMI is about 14, if I manage to eat more in the evenings, would you say I should stop it, or how much would be ok in your opinion?
      I am addicted, I know, but I always like it!!The fresh air...
      Istopped to take laxatives 2 weeks ago, it was hard, but I did, but doing no sports anymore seems to be impossible...

      Perhaps you could give some other advice..!

      Just one more time...thank you so much for your blog, is has become important to me!!

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    3. and, something else-
      if you feel so bad sometimes, you kind of fear yourself, what you could do...stupid things...I think it is most important to know that inside of you is this negativity, that wants to destroy you, but it is only a part, not the whole "you"... as lang as you are aware, you are stronger than this negative side...you are such agreat and postive person, O`m sure, but be careful,than you can defeed yourself...
      alittle bit wired, hope, understand what I kind of mean...

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  3. I know the tiredness feeling! -_- I keep falling asleep in the middle of the day or at 8pm and just wake up tired! So frustrating when you have too many things needing to be done...
    Have a good week Izzy! ♥♥

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    1. Yes, it's definitely annoying when you have things to do and you just feel too tired to do any of it... and then at night time you are wide awake. haha. But hopefully things will get sorted out, and i hope things get better for you as well!

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  4. I hope that you feel better tomorrow Izzy after some rest! I wanted to thank you for answering my question before (about eating 2300 calories a day but still gaining weight, despite doing more physical activity now than ever being a waitress). However, I find it really hard to believe that I wont just keep gaining weight. I still don't have my periods back yet, so that it is reason that I feel reluctant to not follow a meal plan of 2300 calories a day any more, yet I don't think that I can handle any more weight gain as my BMI is already 20 and I'm struggling with my body as it is! My hunger cues are also still quite unreliable, so I don't know whether to start eating intuitively or not, it's so hard! When can you tell when the best time to start doing this is? I'm so scared of weight gain and of what to do! I don't want to suddenly start eating less and mess up my metabolism as I am quite active on work days....sorry for all the questions and babble, I'm just scared xxxx

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    1. If you feel that you cant trust your body then i would suggest to keep following a meal plan. If you are scared of eating too much or gaining weight then there is more chance that you will eat too little when tryingt o eat intuitively, so it is better to eat at a maintenance through a meal plan. If your period doesnt come back in a few weeks, then i would suggest you try to gain a little more weight.... your weight might go up and down a little, despite eating the same amount as your body is trying to find its healthy set point. So dont focus too much on your weight, and try not to let weight gain scare you. Your body wants to find its healthy set point and then it will try to keep you there, (though naturally you go +/-2kg each day or so because of water retention and such). Focus on living life, working and eating enough (dont decrease). Also know if you are very active you do NEED more food otherwise you will stress your body more and it wont feel safe and you wont get your period back. Keep going, and keep fighting your fears, dont let your eating disorder control you and dont resign for half recovery. Keep facing fears and eventaully learn to trust your body so that you dont have to follow a meal plan or be scared of calories or weight gain.

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