Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, October 27, 2015

3 answers - force feeding in prisons, pro ana & meal plan question

Do you think it's good that forcefeeding in prisons was made illegal (as it was considered as torture)?

I wasnt even aware of this... it was never really something that crossed my mind. I dont really know what my views on this are... because somtimes force feeding (though i hate that term, it just really does sound awful) is necessary. For example if someone has an eating disorder or is very underweight (though if someine is very underweight due to an illness and needs tube feeding, that isnt force feeding if they voluntarily choose NG tube feeding.) But for example when i got NG tube feeding, that was a form of force feeding as i didnt want it but i had to have it as i was underweight and not getting any nourishment or energy from oral intake so i had to get energy into me somehow. And even if i hated it, hated every second of it, i know the reason why i had to have it and if i didnt get it they would have had to force feed me with actual food or supplement drinks.

But back to the question.... as described from what i read online it sounds like the way the prisoners are force fed, it is more of a torture method rather than how they would do it in hospitals, which makes it different. But also if the prisoners are choosing to not eat, well then they will suffer the consquences and you can only hope that they will begin to eat again as a person can only survive 3-4 weeks without any food at all, and that depends on the persons age/weight/muscle mass etc beforehand. The problem though is that if the patient dies from starvation, then i am pretty sure that is a problem for the prison... they cant have their prisoners starving to death as they are under the "Prisons watch" or so to say. Such as if a patient dies at hospital, they were under the care of the hospital and so that shouldnt have happened, even if it does often unfortunatly. (Please correct me if i am wrong in any of what i say as i am not 100% confident or certain, but from my understanding anyway):

I really dont know what my opinion on this is... because the forcefeeding does sound like a torture method and so isnt really humane but its not really right for the prisoners to starve themselves to death, even if that is their goal to avoid prison. So i dont know what to write or what is right or wrong. But i think there should be more human ways of feeding the prisoners if they decide to go on a hungerstrike.... i am pretty sure prisons wouldnt put out the money to buy supplement drinks and nonetheless sit around and make sure the prisoner drank it and didnt purge it. But if there was someway they could get the prisoner to actually eat without having to resort to horrible actions.

Additionally, I've come across your underweight pictures on proana sites. It's sad really. Also, it may be controversial, but do you think they really are anorexic if they choose that way of living? I mean that people on those sites say they want to be anorexic as soon as they say they wanna lose weight (when we all know weightloss doesn't equal anorexia), but EDs aren't a choice but mental disorders, so is it possible to consciously develop an illness when the point of being sick with it is that it's subconscious and the sufferer isn't aware of it? 

As you wrote, eating disorders arent a choice and are a mental illness so even if you decide to eat x calories a day and starve yourself doesnt mean you will end up with an eating disorder. However the people who are pro ana do have disordered eating, as there are starvation diets which they seem to recommend and do themselves and that is a sign of an unhealthy relationship with food, but also an unhealthy relationship with their body... the question of why they would ever want to have an eating disorder is beyond me.

Some pro ana/Pro mia do have an eating disorder. I watched a documentary about this a while ago and there were some who were sick who made those types of sites as a community... they didnt want to recover so they settled for being sick and instead finding a community of others who wanted to be sick and then shared advice and tips. But they didnt see anything wrong with the sites as they werent "making people sick" they were already sick or they were choosing to look at the sites on their own accord and so that was there choice. However, pro ana and pro mia sites and pictures can trigger  young adolescnets who maybe want to lose weight and come accross one of the starvation diets and decide to try it and then maybe they do end up with an eating disorder. Because even if eating disorders arent a choice, they can be triggered by diets or if you already have low self esteem and then you starve yourself it can trigger something in your brain.

I cant say that everyone who calls themselves pro ana or pro mia are sick or arent sick, i cant make a generalisatin like that. But i think its very mixed.... i think there are some who dont actually have an eating disorder, but more disordered eating and wish to be very thin and underweight but cant do that (which is a good thing) because of their body type or because they wish they could starve themselves (no idea why they would want to) but they cant. Its all sort of confusing and i feel like if i try to talk about this more i will just go off topic. 

Do i think that you can choose to have an eating disorder? Not really.... its like if someone smokes and chooses to have cancer so smokes lots, that doesnt mean they will end up with cancer. Just like some people can eat very little and do lots of diferent diets and not end up with an eating disorder. While for others, going on a diet can be the catalyst to the eating disorder, even if there were other things building up and affecting you. (As an eating disorder isnt really about food or body image, but something else... however those two things get affected and you try to control those things when instead you are maybe running from the actual problem). So when pro ana/Pro mia just focus on the food and diets and trying to be super skinny, their only focus is food and weight and more disordered thoughts, body image and eating rather than someone who has an eating disorder where those things are just consequences of the eating disorder... that weightloss might not have been the goal but suddenly weight became a focus even if it wasnt in the beginning. 

Hope that makes sense anyway.

darling can i ask when I'm following a food plan i don't want to eat exactly the same everyday but i will do a weeks plan and then repeat it each week but do you advise to have exactly the same calories every day or just a rough guide i think it'd be hard to have exactly the same amount but maybe this is where i am going wrong. I'm not sure what to do x

That sounds like a good idea not eating the same thing everyday but i would try to keep the calories the same amount because if you do more one day, less the other, more one day, less the other etc it will just lead to maintenace rather than weight gain (if that is your goal?) but if your goal is maintenance then you can do different calorie amounts each day as that is more similar to normal eating... however it is best to try to keep it at roughly the same amount, and then over time if you need to gain weight increase the calorie intake of each day so that your body can adapt :) Hopefully this helps!!


  1. Thank you, Izzy. I found this really interesting.
    I do hope you will have a refreshing and relaxing day today. Get well soon!

  2. Thank you Izzy for you answers, they totally make sense and I have to admit the second question was hard to word :) I didn't actually look deeper into the feeding in prisons, just came across it when we were recapping Suffragettes (in history), their methods of activism etc and one of them was hungerstrikes. And yes, it's hard to generalise because circumstances are very different in each situation, but it would be hard to sit around in prison waiting for the protesting prisoners to eat! So thank you again for the time you put in!
    Hope you have a wonderful day and week, enjoy the colourful autumn! :))

  3. Love that you answer all of the questions people ask you!