Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Saturday, September 12, 2015
When the feelings and emotions you were trying to avoid hit you hard
You can only run from your feelings and emotions for so long. A change of scenery and habits was good for me, it helped me think a little differently and feel a little better. But i still felt like this grey cloud was around me, weighing me down and couldnt really enjoy everything as much as i wanted. A constant tiredness which i pushed past as i want to enjoy this trip as much as possible. But today everything hit me hard again, i cant escape reality and the way i am feeling, what is going on in my head and my thoughts. I felt almost paralyzed when everything came back all at once.... You sit there and feel yourself fading away, almost impossible to smile or feel happy. Everything seems to be a colour of grey or black and things just feel darker and more distant. Its scary when dark thoughts hit you hard out of no where and you dont know what to do with yourself, where to go or who to talk to. All i want to do is curl into a ball, no longer be so far away from home, no longer feel this way. Though its up to me to change it... thats why i am writing it on here, because it helps me to write. Its my way of processing things, but also as i dont feel comfortable talking about whats going on in my thoughts and head i can write it out. It is up to me to change my thoughts and to make sure i fully enjoy this trip. So i am going to smile even if i feel very far from happy. I am going to take photos and enjoy things as much as i can. I am going to think positive and do the best i can to change my thoughts and not let the negatives control me. I have wasted for too much of my life and have ruined so many holidays due to my eating disorder, now i am not going to let depression ruin this holiday.
Just like i wrote in my previous post...you cant run from your problems. Changing scenery can only do so much, but when the problems are in your head you cant run from them, you need to face them. And so thats what i need to do as well. 2 days left here and the home longing is crazy strong at the moment, last night the anxiety and home longing was very strong but its usually the second night that is the worst, and wishing myself home is not a good idea because then you waste your holiday and you will regret it.
Anyway, now back to reality.
2 photos and what i have eaten today (& choclate of course ;);) so far i think 500g has been eaten over these past few days XD)