Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.
I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!
If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: email@example.com
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Small positives of the day
I started my morning with a walk in the forest with my favourite podcast! That is always a positive and puts a smile on my face. I actually find myself walking and smiling at the same time and a genuine smile because something is funny. Then it was breakfast time and blogging before I headed to the gym to do 3 favourite exercises. Strength training is my time for myself, when i do what I enjoy and think is fun. I don't follow any program and I don't have any goals like squat X kilo or deadlift X kilo. Or I do in some sense but I am not actively working towards them because now I'm just listening to my body.
I came home and made myself a delicious lunch and then resting a while and then took a short walk with Daisy, just to get some fresh air and to leave the house. Trying to sort out some things in my mind. Then when i came home again my goal was to clean my room as that is always helpful, but i got half way through when my mum came into my room and wanted to talk. She noticed i was feeling low and wondered what was going on.... so i opened up and talked about what was in my head and thoughts. I always feel so judged and silly when i talk about it open.... when i write it down, its like i am just writing for myself, but then when i talk about it.... i feel silly. I just want to take back all my words, laugh and say i am joking. But she listened, while i talked and cried. She gave me advice which included rest, avoiding stress and pressure and taking some alone time. But also following routines, because that is what ineed right now... to still get up each morning, to go for walks or go to the gym, keep up with some form of routine while things will eventually get better. She also did a sort of "health diagnosis" on me... that is what she works with as well. She looks at peoples skin, nails, eyes, pulse etc and asks about diet, vitamins, sleep etc etc and then she can figure out if maybe you are lacking something in your diet, or if your body is showing signs of something such as some type of problem in the body or lack of nutrient or vitamin etc
I am still waiting for what she has to tell me, whether i might need extra of some vitamin or nutrient or if there is something i can take to help me feel less stressed (I feel this inner stress even though there is absaloutly nothing stressing me. I have this pressure and stress inside of me) and to help me sleep at night.
She also reminded me that i need to take care of myself at the moment. I am a people pleaser, i hate to say no. I hate to let people down, and i always want to be there for others. But in the end, i cant help others if i cant help myself. So taking time for myself might be exactly what i need. So i am looking forward to holiday in a weeks time :)
My mum also said that i might be feeling this way due to all the stress from the last few months in high school. Because i was super duper stressed and i know my body wasnt doing so well i.e too much stress and cortisol in my body. And my mental state was on a balance line... and it all became too much. Because after my graduation these feelings have just grown... and then i began takings trong medicine for my CF and i feel like that was the catalyst and its just gotten worse and worse. But i have tried to repress the feelings, deny how i have actually felt and just thought it is normal. But my mum thinks that i could have mentally burnt out during those last few weeks of stress but i kept going and going... and now its sort of a backlash. Where i have been relaxing and havent felt any stress, but i have stressed myself. Havent maybe fully relaxed, have stll had this mental pressure and stress inside of me and now its all too much. All the cortisol in my body has been affecting me for the past few months. She has said that we might go to a spa or she might book me a time for massage so that my body and mind can just relax. Do i think that those things will magically help me, maybe not. But it does feel better talking, getting advice and hearing a reassuring "it will get better". Because it is not always easy to believe it... but sometimes when you hear it, you want to and startt to believe it. I bit like with my blog i guess, reassuring everyone that it can and does get better.... Because it does!!! But sometimes i need to remind myself of that as well.
Anyway, this post is getting very long, but i just felt i had to write out my thoughts... write out what was in my head at the moment.
Now its time to make myself some dinner!!