Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, September 14, 2015

Seeing yourself in pictures

Believe it or not, i can struggle with seeing pictures of myself. I think this is something most people struggle with, until they have learnt to just be ok with it.

It's like when you hear your voice in a video, it sounds strange and doesnt sound like you. But that is because you hear yourself from the inside. I have had times i have stopped speaking for days - yes days - because i have been so conscious about my voice after hearing it in a video. But i have learnt to deal with it... i have a weird accent, and i dont like the sound of my own voice. But i cant change that and so i deal with it. Just like with pictures. I know i post 101 pictures of myself, and not every picture is bad according to me. There are some pictures of myself where i think Damn, i look good. And then there are other pictures of myself which i see and just want to cry because i think, is that how i look? But those are just thoughts and negative feelings. When you see yourself in pictures you look different. Because when you look in the mirror you often see yourself in a certain angle, not to mention that all mirrors are slightly different... in some mirrors you look slimmer and in some you look taller or larger. So mirrors arent the best thing to rely on... but also that when you look in the mirror you often look at your best angles. You know which angle you look good from and that is what you see, but you also dont see yourself from the side or in different angles. So then when you see yourself in photos when you are just doing things or taken in weird angles then you look different. You might be making a weird face, or your turning so your stomach sticks out or your waving your hands like a crazy person. All these "caught in the moment" photos have at times made me want to curl into a ball and never show myself again because i think.... this is how people see me. But you know what... we are all human beings. NOBODY LOOKS PICTURE PERFECT ALL THE TIME. Those awesome pictures you see, they are one second when a person is standing still, most often. There are certain angles, lighting and poses which make people look different and better. But then when they arent posing, standing still or with certain lighting or angles then they can also look weird in photos.

The best thing i can say is to ACCEPT YOURSELF. You will look weird in photos, you will see yourself in different angles. Some people take pictures from high above or from below you which all make you look different. Photos are just one second they are not how you always look. It is nothing you need to feel ashamed about or want to hide yourself because of.

Have you ever  noticed that when you look at a group picture of you and your friends everyone looks at themselves. Comments something about themself, how strange they look... its like you dont even notice the others in the photos, or everyone else looks so good apart from yourself. Thats how most people think because seeing yourself in photos IS weird.. you look different and unusual from how you see yourself everyday. But you see your friends and family everyday, you see them from different angles and lights and they still look good... so they dont look strange in photos because that is how you see them anyway. But seeing yourself in photos is strange and not like usual. But you have to accept that.

You cant avoid never seeing a photo of yourself, i know some who will do everything to never be in a photo and if a photo of them is taken they wont look at it and it isnt allowed to be uploaded anywhere. But you have to get over those things..... you dont have to take 101 selfies everyday, but accept that sometimes photos will be taken of you. And there is nothing wrong with that, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR BODY. Even if you think you look strange and yes, we all have those horrible photos where we are looking super weird and you just feel terrible about yourself for a few moments. But once again, that is one second and not how you always look. Its important to face things like this, not let them hold you back. Realise you are more than your body and photos arent a bad thing.  It takes time to be ok with seeing photos of yourself, i still struggle with it sometimes. But its just to take a deep breathe and think... who cares. I mean you dont have to do anything with the photo if you really hate it. For me... even if i dont like photos of myself, i post them anyway. Sounds strange, but it is a way for me to get over that negative voice, not let it control me. I dont often mention when i dont like photos of myself because there is no point in it... i look past what i think are flaws and instead know that its a good challenge and good way to overcome negative body feelings when you know that there are thousands of other people seeing the photo and nobody says anything bad... so then i try to tell myself, there is nothing bad with the photo either. Its just my mind.

^4 photos taken of me, where i have seen more negatives than postiives. But i tell myself that.... who cares. This is how i look and i cant change that. I can only be happy with myself.

2 comments:

  1. oh hun your eyes play tricks cos all i can see is beautiful you! but i know what you mean i hate having pics taken i always think i ruin the picture for everyone as they all look gorgeous and i look crap. i have a photo that was taken when i was a bit weller i couldn't look at it for ages as i thought i looked horrid but now i can and i think i look nice and it makes me upset cos i want to get back to that time but feel stuck. i also have another pic which should be burned when i was made to put on loads of weight and i look hideous and now thats put the fear of god into me about putting on weight cos i don't want to look like that. so now i feel trapped and I've got this barrier and i don't know how to push thru.

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  2. Now I understand those negative thoughts are merely our minds playing tricks on us. I've been following your blog for 1-2 years and never ever have I seen one single thing wrong with any photo! This is a proof that photos of us aren't really bad, even if they seem so to us. Good point Izzy!

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