This morning i woke up with the worst headache combined with feelings of being hungover, despite not drinking anything. I felt as if i was hungover, haha. Not a nice feeling at all, but with a painkiller and some water it went away. As it was pouring down with rain when i woke up i decided to sit by the computer and get a few things done before i went for a walk to start my day! I spent the night at my boyfriends place and he didnt have so much at home so for breakfast ive had to satisfy myself with chocolate and bread XD Atleast its something.
For the past hour ive sat infront of the computer and looked at university courses and ive applied to a few courses which start spring 2016. I've also sat in a queue on the phone to talk to someone from the school where i applied to the courses as i want to know why i didnt get in, but after roughly 20 minutes of waiting i gave up and will call again later. It feels good to sit down and get these things done, try to plan and figure out my life a little... i need structure in my life and i hate when things are just up in the air. Tomorrow my mum and I are going to a university which is outside of Stockholm as i have applied for a dietician program there. I have never been there before so i want to know what its like and whether i would want to live there for 3 years, or i could commute but then i would spend roughly 3-4 hours a day commuting. I think i would prefer to live there instead... have my own place. It feels exciting but at the same time i know, life doesnt always turn out the way i had planned or expected, so i am not going to get my hopes up. But it would be awesome if i liked the university, got into the course and found somewhere to live there.... then i could just structure my life, feel like i am not just fumbling in the dark having no idea what i am doing with myself or my life. There will be lots of waiting so my goal is also to try to get work for this autumn and within a week or two i need to make a decision about whether i will go the course i got into or not. At the moment i am feeling like no... i dont want to go it as i dont necessarily need to study it and i dont want to study it either, but it would be some form of structure and routine. But i also feel like... im not ready to study again. I am not ready for the stress, i dont know if i could cope with it right now? Maybe all i need is work a few days a week and to begin with that and then get back to studying 2016?
But its hard to know what i want or need at the moment because most of all i just want to sleep and forget everything. Not work, not study, not meet people, not do anything. But i know deep inside that i need to try.... i need to try to get some structure into my life, i neeed to get back into studying or find work because all the nothingness... that isnt good either. But going from 0-100 wont be good either.... I have alot to think about anyway and this is the first step to start applying to courses, feeling some form of excitment about maybe studying again. And to also go and leave my CV and personal letter to stores. I cant expect to get work if i dont actually apply..... hahaha.
Now anyway its time to finish my coffee and leave!! Its gym time and then going to spend my day in my bed as its such awful weather so all you want to do is lie in bed and drink coffee!!!