Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Friday, September 18, 2015

I didnt come this far to only come this far

When i was writing my previous post i began thinking how much i have been through, how i have fought my way through so much.... so many tough and hard times. And for what.... for me to throw it all away now? Did i really fight my way through everything just to end it here? It was sort of a wake up call for me.... one i realised that i really amnt that old. I have always felt very mature because of what i have been through, i havent felt my age. Either ive felt like i am still 14 years old or i have felt like a 25 year old, but never my actual age. But then again, age is just a number and just because you are X years old doesnt mean you feel it or behave like your age.

But i also realised, after everything i have fought my way through why end it here, why give up here. There is so much that life has to offer, so much more to see, do and experience. The little bubble of a world that i am in now, that is not all life has to offer. There is more in life, so much more.... of course it means daring to step outside of your comfort zone and experience it as well. Because dreaming and wishing is all good, but then you have to put plan into action and do/see/experience new things.

When the feelings and emotions feel overwhelming and everything feels too much. You think that this is how it will always be, that you wont ever be free and you will just sink deeper and deeper into darkness... then its easy to want to give up and think, what is the point? But i know from my own experience, ive been through the darkness  before and i can get through it again. This is not the end of the line for me, even if it has felt like it. I know i didnt come this far just to come this far. There is so much more to life, so much more that life has to offer me and i want to have a chance to experience it. It means getting through the tough times, it means fighting for better and brighter days. It means not letting the negativity win, not letting the negative spiral of thoughts drag me deeper down and convince me that i would be better off dead. Instead focusing on knowing that there is more and there are better days, i know from experience that there are better days, now i just need to start believing that these feelings and emotions wont be forever.

I also got a comment a while ago saying that i seemed stronger and more positive this time when i am struggling compared to before.

And i think that is due to a number of reasons. 1) I am a healthy weight and still eating enough food which makes it easier to have a little more energy and easier to fight the demons in your head. If i were to stop eating and lose lots of weight then i would most likely trigger and eating disorder again and so then be struggling with that as well as a low weight and depression which makes it alot harder.
2)I am trying to focus as much as i can on positive thinking because i know that can help me somewhat anyway.
3) I am not as open about my feelings and thoughts on here as before. Before while i was struggling i wrote it how it was and how i felt. My online diary basically. But now i have family and people i know who read my blog as well as i want this to be a positive place, so i am refraining from writing how i am actually feeling and how much i am actually struggling.
4) Ive been through this before and so i think each time makes you a little stronger. Because a mental illness is not a choice, i didnt choose to feel this way, but i can choose to feel better and fight to feel better.

We can all get through our struggles, but then we have to choose to fight and never give up. Whenever you are struggling, remember that quote above. I personally find it very helpful and almost like a wake up call at times.


  1. dear Izzy, I so wish I could help.
    You are not alone in spirit.
    Izzy, do you think that maybe fighting the challenge of being open about your feelings with your family, boyfriend etc might be one worth trying, a bit like fighting the challenge of the eating disorder in the past? Obviously it is something really, really hard for you, and you don't want to do it, but so was eating and you did that in the end, even though it took a while to get comfortable with it?
    Whatever you do, love and prayers from your readers.

  2. I totally agree Izzy! You do have to push yourself out of your comfort zone.. Every day can be a challenge. Putting yourself in situations, (like cooking/ eating with housemates for example) is a positive challenge.

    Not that you want to look back, but when u do, u realize how you've come too far to go back and that there is so much more - - for you to go forward!

    Keep your chin up Izzy, you're fab!! :D Xx