Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, September 12, 2015

Guest post by Jess

So, it has been about 1 year and 9 months since I first started to develop anorexia and about a year since I first started recovering. 
And now I can finally say that I have fully recovered from my eating disorder. 

It's really quite scary saying this out loud because it has been a part of my life and a part of my identity for so long that it feels like I'm losing a part of myself. 
But I haven't, anorexia was just an unwelcome visitor that I have now evicted from my life.

And let me tell you all, recovery is tough, it's really tough! 
I had my days where I wanted to relapse and I had days where I wouldn't eat a thing, I had days where I just didn't care about anything at all, days where I couldn't care less if I was dead or alive. 
But I also had great days, days where I overcame a huge fear, days where I would eat ice cream for tea just because I could, days where I felt almost normal again, days where I felt on top of the world because I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Now that I'm recovered I don't obsess about the number on the scale, I don't have any anxiety around food, I can eat whatever I like whenever I like, I can go out to eat in restaurants, I can have takeaways, I don't count calories anymore, I'm so much more fun now, I have my personality back, my hair is getting thicker, I'm not constantly cold, my skin is no longer grey, but most of all, I'm free now.

I'm free from the clawing grasp of anorexia, the horrible thoughts in my head that ruined my life and wouldn't let me eat, that made me lie to everyone around me, that told me I wasn't ill enough to recover, that told me I had to lose more weight, that tried to make me kill myself slowly and painfully. 

But not anymore, I'm free, I'm stronger and I'm living my life the way I want, on my own terms. 

I don't have any thoughts in my head trying to control me anymore, they're gone. And what remains is me; Jess, the true Jess, the Jess that has been hidden by anorexia for too long, but she's back now and stronger than ever before and she's here to stay.

Also, I have a Tumblr so if anyone would like to follow me my URL is: 
I-cant-have-the-usernames-I-want

4 comments:

  1. You rock girl! Thanks for the motivating post. I am almost fully recovered from Anorexia and I can also say, facing fear foods, gaining weight, all that pain is worth the happiness in the end! I am proud of you! <3

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  2. That's great jess and anonymous I'm really struggling can i ask did u get help to overcome your demons? I'm trying to gain weight but the scales and the numbers and feeling like i don't have control is overwhelming me. I want to get better but don't know how i get from where i am now to being free, this feels like slow torture and i don't know what to do. I feel worse now trying to recover (pretty much alone as i can't afford help and my authority won't give me more) than when i was fully in the grips of ed and only going down. now i have this pulling from both ends the well and the unwell and i want it to stop

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    1. Hi, I am neither Jess nor the anonymous above nor our dear Izzy but this comment's very much in my heart and I wanted to reply, though I hope someone else will too. I think quite a lot of demons are tied up with the weight you are at, and when you get to a healthy weight then some of them do go on their own. Not all of them, but really a lot of them. And it is definitely worth it. That is my experience anyway, and it is also what I hear from many other people and from studies that have been done too. But do find someone in your offline life to talk to if you possibly can. Perhaps there are some other sorts of help or self-hep communities near you? I don't know where you are but in many places there are organisations outside the ones one has to pay for. Well done for trying and for fighting. You'll be so, so, so glad when you get there. Love and prayers for you, x.

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    2. I am sorry this is a so late reply and I hope you will still read it. Loseing control seemed super duper scary to me but I tried to look at it this way: first it was anorexia controlling my life and if I decide to gain weight, well then it is ME how has the control. Try telling yourself that whenever you have to eat. Gaining weight is the opposite of losing control. It is YOU who is in control of the numbers etc. nobody can force you to gain weight, so it is all in your hands. What I did while gaining weight, I took a step back from the number on the scale. I saw it as a game, like a mission. (e.g. my next mission is gaining another kg, next up eat x amount before lunch,...) I hope this helped! You are strong and can fight the demons!

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