Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, August 18, 2015

You are not your eating disorder

I really struggle with this as I've been sick most of my 35 years and thus people know me this way and thus i am scared that if i gain weight people will see me differently and will they like me. will i like me? how will i be, how will i react? how will i cope with a change in identity? i also struggle with clothes sizes and find this really hard to contemplate having to be in bigger sizes its so hard when i things are getting tight and it's very upsetting.


First of all, I am so sorry to hear that you have been struggling so long. I know it can feel like you are a hopeless case and will never recover. But that is not true, you can always recover no matter how long you have been sick. It's just that YOU have to find it within yourself to want to recover, to go against that voice in your head. To do the opposite of what you have been doing for so many years. It is never to late to recover. The problem though with being sick is that you begin to lose yourself, your identitity becomes your eating disorder, you think you are the eating disorder/that the eating disorder is you. Your identitiy becomes the "sick person". People around you know that there is no point in inviting you out to dinner or to social events because you always say no, or they are no longer surprised or ask you why you arent eating. They just accept the "im not hungry" or "Ive already eaten" excuses you always give. The longer you have an eating disorder, the more the eating disorder seems to become you and your identitiy and it can become harder to remember what it was actually like before hand... what did you like? How did you behave? What did you do?
  But you need to go against your eating disorder, know that you are more than that voice controlling you. There is more to life than calories, food, weight etc That you dont need to spend your days hating yourself and at war with yourself. But that means breaking free from your eating disorder and trying to find YOU again. People might be surprised at you behaving differently, deciding to do something different, wear a dress instead of jeans and a top, decide to eat a sandwich instead of a salad etc but dont let peoples reactions or what their expectations of you, stop you from changing.

With weight gain, if you have looked a certain way for a long time and then change, it will be noticble to some. But if you have been underweight for a long time people will have seen that, and if you gain weight people should be happy and proud of you. When someone is underweight, most people notice that and then when that person gains weight to a healthy weight they look so much better and as long as the people you surround yourself with arent idiots, your friends/family/collegues should be proud of you. See it as a positive change.

Remember that you are still you, that you need to find your hobbies and interests, things that make you happy. things you like to do. You need to find yourself and learn to love yourself. Self love comes from everyday practise, comes from accepting yourself for who you are. Loving your body for how it looks, not feeling like you need to change it or look a certain way to be accepted. But being happy in yourself, in your body. It takes practise and time, but without it it can be hard to feel happy about yourself or your body. If you dont invest time to practise self love and body love it wont happen on its own.

Recovery is tough but it is worth it, you need to remember that. Even if you have been struggling for so long, it is still possible to recover, but that means going against the voice in your head. You have to believe that you can recover and make changes and choices towards a healthier and happier you!!! Dont worry about what others think about your body. And with clothes sizes.... clothes are made to cover your body, they are supposed to fit you. Who cares if you have a size 32 or a size 42, they are just clothes sizes... made for different body shapes. The important thing is that you wear clothes you like and that fit, the actual clothes size doesnt matter so much. Anyway clothes sizes varies alot dpeneding on what store you buy them in... i mean i can be an XS or a M depending on where i buy my clothes... so dont get caught up on the number or ssize. Focus on finding clothes you like that suit you. You are MORE THAN A NUMBER. You are more than your weight, your age, your height, your clothes size, your calorie intake. You are YOU, you are a unique and special person and you need to believe that yourself. You need to know that you deerve a better life than one with an eating disorder, because that is not life, that is surviving.

Below are some posts which you might find helpful:

6 comments:

  1. Bless u izzy, this was me that wrote this thank you for your kind words, i do really want to recover i guess I'm just so so scared as i seem to feel worse every day rather than better even thou i am making positive changes. I search for positive quotes and tell other people to love themselves and their bodies yet find it very hard to do for myself. I just feel massive and i get so fixated on my huge stomach its really upsettng. I have made increases to my food this week and I'm scared to see the numbers change on the scales and i keep looking back on how many kgs I've already put on and constantly calorie counting to try gain control or predict what its gonna do. Im miserable and lonely and this stupid ed has wrecked my life i don't want this anymore but I'm so scared izzy. I feel overwhelmed with anxiety about the food my weight and not exercising. I am however determined to get better, your blog gives me so much strength i'd be lost without it as I'm having to fight this alone. ill fight all the way thanks for being there x

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    1. I just have to comment. You are such a warrior and I really admire you for fighting this terrible illness. You have to fight!!! Don´t think about what others might think or do. It is your life you are fighting for. And you need to recover for you. Screw everyone else expectations. If they don´t support you then they are not worthy of your friendship.
      Recovery and freeing your mind and thoughts from anorexia will reveal so much of the real you. The anorexic thoughts take so much time and energy that you cannot live a full life.
      I really hope the best for you and keep going!

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    2. ah bless u darling thanks thats so sweet and touched my heart thank you for reaching out. gotta keep fighting gotta keep believing its possible - recovery warrior thru and thru thanku x

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  2. Thanks for this atricle, I've been anorexic for 35 years and fighting since I was 14 against this. I'm trying to reach a healthy bmi and I've got to say it's so hard. Being told you are "worse" in my head than anyone people have met is so hard to hear when I really pushing through my anxiety. I get people comment all the time on my weight and I feel like telling them to mind their own business. They don't know me and how I'm also worried about the comments. Guess I should turn around and say "yeah it's great isn't it" maybe they will shut up. For some warped reason the world is so consumed about looks To the person who this article is for I encourage her and wish her my best and say if we believe we can we will. Fight for it, I know I am. xx

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    1. thank sonya yes i was told i was a chronic anorexic and id never recover by a consultant in a ward round room full of people. i left crying and never forgot that comment since. but i won't be labeled as such and yes i will recover, i have so many doubters cos of my history but we can do this sonya, life is for living and yeah the journey will be hard but hey being stuck with anorexia is no party either. where there's a will theres a way x

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    2. Similar with me. I was being told by the hospital staff that I'm the sickest and the worst case they have ever seen... inpatients were so, so depressing; I thought I'd never get out of hospitals, yet I'm at home right now :) people only saw me as my ED. Whatever I did and said (even if it wasn't related to the ED) they'd just dismiss it. I wish you all the best, you can live your life happily! Find your true motivation :) thumbs up!!

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