Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
You are not your eating disorder
I really struggle with this as I've been sick most of my 35 years and thus people know me this way and thus i am scared that if i gain weight people will see me differently and will they like me. will i like me? how will i be, how will i react? how will i cope with a change in identity? i also struggle with clothes sizes and find this really hard to contemplate having to be in bigger sizes its so hard when i things are getting tight and it's very upsetting.
First of all, I am so sorry to hear that you have been struggling so long. I know it can feel like you are a hopeless case and will never recover. But that is not true, you can always recover no matter how long you have been sick. It's just that YOU have to find it within yourself to want to recover, to go against that voice in your head. To do the opposite of what you have been doing for so many years. It is never to late to recover. The problem though with being sick is that you begin to lose yourself, your identitity becomes your eating disorder, you think you are the eating disorder/that the eating disorder is you. Your identitiy becomes the "sick person". People around you know that there is no point in inviting you out to dinner or to social events because you always say no, or they are no longer surprised or ask you why you arent eating. They just accept the "im not hungry" or "Ive already eaten" excuses you always give. The longer you have an eating disorder, the more the eating disorder seems to become you and your identitiy and it can become harder to remember what it was actually like before hand... what did you like? How did you behave? What did you do?
But you need to go against your eating disorder, know that you are more than that voice controlling you. There is more to life than calories, food, weight etc That you dont need to spend your days hating yourself and at war with yourself. But that means breaking free from your eating disorder and trying to find YOU again. People might be surprised at you behaving differently, deciding to do something different, wear a dress instead of jeans and a top, decide to eat a sandwich instead of a salad etc but dont let peoples reactions or what their expectations of you, stop you from changing.
With weight gain, if you have looked a certain way for a long time and then change, it will be noticble to some. But if you have been underweight for a long time people will have seen that, and if you gain weight people should be happy and proud of you. When someone is underweight, most people notice that and then when that person gains weight to a healthy weight they look so much better and as long as the people you surround yourself with arent idiots, your friends/family/collegues should be proud of you. See it as a positive change.
Remember that you are still you, that you need to find your hobbies and interests, things that make you happy. things you like to do. You need to find yourself and learn to love yourself. Self love comes from everyday practise, comes from accepting yourself for who you are. Loving your body for how it looks, not feeling like you need to change it or look a certain way to be accepted. But being happy in yourself, in your body. It takes practise and time, but without it it can be hard to feel happy about yourself or your body. If you dont invest time to practise self love and body love it wont happen on its own.
Recovery is tough but it is worth it, you need to remember that. Even if you have been struggling for so long, it is still possible to recover, but that means going against the voice in your head. You have to believe that you can recover and make changes and choices towards a healthier and happier you!!! Dont worry about what others think about your body. And with clothes sizes.... clothes are made to cover your body, they are supposed to fit you. Who cares if you have a size 32 or a size 42, they are just clothes sizes... made for different body shapes. The important thing is that you wear clothes you like and that fit, the actual clothes size doesnt matter so much. Anyway clothes sizes varies alot dpeneding on what store you buy them in... i mean i can be an XS or a M depending on where i buy my clothes... so dont get caught up on the number or ssize. Focus on finding clothes you like that suit you. You are MORE THAN A NUMBER. You are more than your weight, your age, your height, your clothes size, your calorie intake. You are YOU, you are a unique and special person and you need to believe that yourself. You need to know that you deerve a better life than one with an eating disorder, because that is not life, that is surviving.
Below are some posts which you might find helpful: