Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, August 31, 2015

Freshly baked scones, resting and the "real model world"

Hello :) :)

Sitting here and thinking, I am pretty sure i have put a winkey face in a comment or email or in a post when i was actually supposed to put a smiley. If i ever do this... ignore it, and just see it as a normal smiley, haha. Because i seem to do that alot, and for some it can make the situation awkward XD haha. I overuse smiles alot and could use them after every sentence, but that doesnt look good and well when i begin writing essays again i cant put a smiley each time i want to express an emotion or a way to end a sentence!!!

How have i spent my Monday? Not doing much, i have felt a bit like a walking zombie today and i felt a sore throat creeping in so i decided to just spend the day resting day. Also consuming lots of ginger and garlic and drinking lots of tea and i am feeling better now, so hopefully tomorrow i will wake up feeling fresh. I decided to stay home and not stay at my boyfriends today incase i was catching a cold - no point spreading bacteria. So instead i decided to make scones (just normal ones using white flour, butter, milk, baking powder) and they turned out soo good!! Warm and freshly baked bread or scones is one of the best things i know. If there is one weakness i have in life (ok more than one) is fresh bread (including scones without raisins) and salted nuts... i cant resist those things, and its a bit like once i have one piece... well then there is a 100% chance that i will finish atleast 50% of what is infront of me. -_-' No self control when it comes to those things, but i am just human!!


This evening i also watched a documentary series about boy models and a documentary series about girl models. The real model world... not just the glamorous one which people believe. But the nasty behind the scenes, the small living places, the harsh critique and words they receive. How the model life really isnt glamorous, its hard work, many hours and feeling very lonely while travelling. Spending weeks on end travelling and not making alot of money for the long hours they work. The model life has always attracted me slightly, and i have been contacted by 2 model agencies, but i was very underweight both times (which shows you just how messed up that branch is). I wanted to say yes but i was 15/16 at the time and my mum wouldnt let me. She has been a model when she was 20 and she worked in Milan and did some big fashion shows and shoots so she has been stuck in that bubble, been surrounded by girls who were bulimic and anorexic, and she said that the whole branch was very sick... when i see pictures from my mum when she was a model she looked great but also very slim, too slim. She said she never used unhealthy behaviours, but back then... just like now, the ideal body image was an unhealthy one. In the documentaries many of the models suffer from eating disorders, depression, anxiety disorders etc and they dont feel that great. They are constantly being judged and critiqued on their bodies, their self esteem is low and many do it just because of the money, but hating what they do.Mnay of the models also showed signs of extreme fat phobia, they exercised hard, ate very little, were always tired and survived on caffeine. They knew that their bodies were their jobs, they were judged by their bodies and so they couldnt eat the foods they liked but also they were scared to actually eat or to rest, scared of having fat... and that type of thinking isnt healthy, and i just hope that they get help after/during their model career so that that type of thinking wont take over and control their lives.

   I think watching those type of documentaries are very important for people who think they want to be amodel just to earn lots of money and to have some type of glamorous life, when that isnt the case. For me, being a model isnt a goal or ambition of mine anymore. But if you had asked me when i was 12 i would have told you that being a model was my goal and ambition in life. However i cant deny that being a fitness model, or being a model for Nike or Adidas or something would be fun and i wouldnt say no to that opportunity, i would think that that would be alot of fun. But i wouldnt put myself in a situation where i had to lose lots of weight or have an unhealthy fat percent just to seem "Ok". But if someone wanted me as a fitness model as the way i looked now then i wouldnt say no :)

Just some thoughts anyway, and before this post gets even longer... i just want to clarify something. I wrote that i had lost weight, and i have... i dont weigh myself so often, but i did recently at the gym scale (where i had weighed myself a few weeks ago) and then i weighed myself recently and the weight was lower. It has NOT been a choice or something i have been aware over. Either my body is not absorbing the energy or nutrients i am eating or my body is burning lots at the moment for some reason. So it's not like i have purposely tried to lose weight, if you follow me on my IG, which i know many do then you see how much i eat for the meals i do post, and i eat alot more in between those meals (as it is NOT my food diary). So i eat alot and havent decreased, but apparently it's not enough at the moment. And it HASNT triggered any weird thoughts, i do not feel the need to lose weight. Like i have written several times, i am planning on regaining the weight again because i know that i feel best at my normal weight and that is where i want to be. Or more important, i want to regain my energy again. I dont care so much about the actual number, i dont care if its 62kg or 66kg, but i want to feel my healthiest and most energetic!
  So hopefully that clears things out for you if you thought that i was trying to purposely lose weight. (It would have been kind of contradicting my answer in the previous post about weight loss, if i was trying to lose weight. ) :)





Also on a sidenote... if you want smooth legs, put coconut oil on them. XD XD

4 comments:

  1. Dear Izzy, you are already a wonderful model in the most important sense of all -- the whole person. I thought your post yesterday was also really helpful precisely for rising above other people's anxieties about your weight, and for the combination of openness to others and confidence in yourself in having "nothing to hide", and accepting people's concern in ways that neither pushed them away nor retreated from what you know in yourself to be true. It's hard to do that, hard both socially and in oneself, and I really respect it and am grateful for the example. It must be hard (though perhaps inevitable) to come under such scrutiny with so many people taking a vested interest. Well done for dealing with it so well. Thank you for being so strong inside and out! Get well soon... :-)
    Oh, and yes, completely agree about fashion industry models -- awful for everyone, both the models and the public. Worth campaigning for healthy models and a much greater diversity in ages & colours as well as body shapes & sizes etc etc? Great interview on youtube on this theme (7 mins long) with Amber Butchart (fashion historian) and Natasha Devon (youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em0ILGPrHFo)

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  2. hey izzy what's your ig name i'd like to follow love instagram x

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  3. What were the documentaries that you watched? I'd be keen to look them up myself! :)

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  4. I think the modeling world has changed a lot from the past. Most agencies are aware of how unhealthy it is for their models to be just skin and bonea and portray an anorexic figure. They hire much more models that have healthy weights and even many photographic models are short, average sized beautiful women who love their jobs and do quite well. Plus most agencies who contact you or approach you aren't necessarily looking to get you jobs. They want to incorporate you into their training program and offer a course for which you have to pay and take expensive headshots and then you can hope that a job you apply for will be given to you in that one in a thousand chance because you're not necessarily model material. Its not all about the weight.

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