Starting the post off in a not so positive way... but the past few weeks i haven't been on top. I havent felt so good at all. I wrote a few weeks ago that i was taking CF medication which made me feel very strange and affected me alot mentally. But even before that i didnt feel so great, lots of weird thoughts... but ever since finishing with the medication i've felt so strange. I haven't felt like myself and felt very negative... scared of my own thoughts as well. Unfortunatly the post which i made about depression yesterday, is exactly how i have been feeling the past few weeks. I can smile and laugh with others, but still there are times, which have been more frequent where i've felt so hopeless, felt so sad and so lonely. The amount of times i have wanted to break down and cry - even in public is ridiculous. And i can't even say why i am feeling this way, i just know that there is far too much negativity in my head at the moment. Which is another reason why i have been a little absent here on my blog... it hasnt been so much of a priority, i've both consciously and unconsciously distanced myself from some things. Trying to focus on finding myself and my inner happiness again. The first step is acknowledging how you are feeling and realising that it shouldnt be that way. Realising that you have better before, but also realising that these times don't last. I try to be as honest as possible here on my blog, that is why i am writing it here, but also reminding myself to focus on happiness and positivity. Not let my mind be filled up with the darkness, the despair and sadness. So i am going to try to post alot more positivity each day, as well as trying to remember to post my positives of the day. If you find my positives of the day boring, then i am sorry for that, but i find that it personally helps me. So that is what i am going to try to do everyday :)
So lets begin right away:
1) It has been warm and sunny all day!!!
2) A morning run... though i've gotten some hip pain afterwards :/
3) My room feels so fresh and feels so much better being in my room now that i have rearranged and painted it white
4) My lunch was delicious
5) I got a job offer... i didnt know they were going to call me, so i was very surprised and hadnt prepared any answers so when i was asked about my "strengths and weaknesses" i almost wanted to laugh because i had no idea what to say. Had to try to keep the conversation going while my mind tried to formulate what my strengths and weaknesses were, hahah. There are both pros and cons to the job, so i am going to take some time to think over it.... Though basically i will be doing what i am doing now, in some ways but getting paid for it. I.e helping people, motivating and inspiring people. But then it will also take a few hours of my day each day, and the question is... do i have time for it? It would mean that less time would go to my family, boyfriend and friends and less time to my emailing and blogging now.... though i would still be helping people, but getting paid which is a positive thing. What i want to work with!! But need to think about it before i make a decision.
6) Positive body image - first time in a while.