Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, August 2, 2015

Facing fear foods (repost)


Today i got a flashback of how it was when i was sick, when my mum would go food shopping and come home with the wrong food. She would purposely buy the full fat yoghurt or the 3% milk, and i would go into full panic. I would stand hyperventilating in the kitchen because she bought the wrong spread or bought vanilla yoghurt instead of natural etc all these things which really dont matter. But they gave me so much panic and anxiety.
   I would lock myself in the bathroom and self harm to get rid of the anxiety and would refuse to eat...  Just because the milk was 3% and contained 10 calories more per serving than the 1,5% milk.

Also, while i was sick i stopped taking my omega 3 capsule and  my d-vitamin because i realised they contained calories.... I tried avoiding anything that would give me extra calories.

This behaviour is very messed up, it is far from normal but i still tried to convince myself that i was normal. I barely new what normal was at that stage.

What you need to remember, when you feel panicked about food is that the food wont kill you or make you fat. Its easy to feel like your gaining weight each bite you take, but that is not true. Its not possible. Those are just feelings, thoughts in your head. It doesnt matter if you are eating full fat yoghurt or low fat yoghurt. But think like this, if you need to gain wieght its better to get these extra calories in everywhere... add extra instead of taking away.
You need to face these fears. You cant be healthy but still be scared of full fat yoghurt, or scared of eating cheese on bread because that means you still have fear foods. You are still controlled and restrained by your ED.
 You need to fight against the fears... face them. Know that everything will be ok.

Buy the fear food and then try it. Take deep breaths and think rationally... nothing bad will happen. Its all in your head.
  Why can others eat that specific food and nothing bad happens to them, but you cant? Why are you different?

Everything will be ok. You will be ok. If you face the fear, overcome these irrational fears you will become stronger and be more capable of fighting your ed and recovering!!
   Dont ever dobt recovery. One thing which i kept telling mysefl while i was sick was that i would never recover.. i would always be sick. Always have these behaviours. But i did fight and get rid of all those behaviours, it is possible to completely recover. To not count calories, to not freak out about eating at a restaurant or freak out about extra calories.
   It is possible to recover, you just have to keep challenging yourself. Keep facing fears and becoming stronger than your ED!!

(It's like you can see the disgust and hate in my face... i actually remember this evening so well because it was one of my first times being home to eat and my mum and sister were so proud of me.... until i began cheating with the food, throwing food away and not eating.)

Before^^ When food scared me and my list of fear foods was 20 times larger than my safe food list. When 3% yoghurt scared me more than death, when using oil to cook food was the worst thing i knew and having to put butter on my bread would send me into a panic and anxiety attack.

Now^^^Food is an enjoyment!!! And there ar eno fear foods, i use oil to cook my food, i add butter and cream to meals when necessary. I dont care whether we have 0,5% or 4,5% yoghurt. I don't care whether the crisp bread has 35 or 60 kcals. I eat the food we have at home and eat the food cooked when my parents prepare food for the family. There are no rules, safe foods or fear foods. Just food i like and dont like!

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