Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Friday, August 14, 2015

Comparing with the past

One of the things which you might find in recovery is that old memories come back to haunt you. But these memories seem to have a rosy tint on  them... you think back to the past and think, well it wasnt so bad when i only ate once a day. Or, well running 10km everyday wasnt so bad, somedays i actually enjoyed it. or it wasnt so bad when i was sick.....

Its like the memories are warped in your brain and the past looks a little better than what it actually was... and the past seems to be more tempting than the present. Ive been there... i can still get those thoughts once in a blue moon.
  But sometimes i think back to times when i was underweight and think, it wasnt so bad. I wasnt that sick.
But the truth is, it was awful when i was sick. The constant anxiety, panic, fear, self hatred and everythging else. Every meal was anxiety filled. Thoughts of self harm and suicide were constantly in my mind. It was like i had this rain cloud over my head and it was a storm over me all day, everyday.
  And there was a reason i choose to recover and that reason was because i felt i could no longer be sick anymore... i realised that fighting for recovery, with everything involved with recovery and weight gain, it was worth it. I didnt want to be sick anymore.

And you have to realise and remember the reason WHY you chose to recover in the first place. Was it to travel somewhere? To get your life back? to be allowed to study again? to make your family happy etc?
  Remember that reason.

Also write down all the negatives about being sick... about having an eating disorder. Was there really anything good with it? The starvation? hunger? routines and habits? ocd habits? anxiety? guilt? lack of social life? fear? self hatred?

You might think back and think...well i was skinny and happy and who cares about a social life, but really.... is that what you want? did you actually like your body back then? Some might say yes, but if you were to ask me for an honest answer. When i was sick i constantly felt fat and bloated.... there were random times when i thought i looked skinny and liked it. But most of the time i hated how i looked, i felt this need to lose weight and fat and that everyone was staring at me because i was so fat. So no.... i wouldnt want to go back to the body i had when i was sick.

THink of the tiredness, the hair covering your body, hair falling out.... and if you purged, think of all the consequences of purging or even binging.

Memories change and can be warped, it happens to all of us. If you were to ask 2 people about their memories of the same events they wouldnt eb the same as each other and if you were to ask them again in 2 years to describe the same event they would most probably say something different again.... memories change.
  Dont believe everything in your head. Just focus on the NOW. If you are struggling now, try to fix the problem instead of thinking back to the past. The past isnt somewhere you want to go back to, you should just focus on the future. On moving forward with your life, not holding ontto the past.
    So fix the problem at hand instead of runnign away from your problems. Seek more help. Find a new reason and motivation to keep going....

If you are at a half recovery stage, you are sort of on a balancing scale... either you can fall back into your ED or you can take the leap of faith and jump into full recovery. So think about what you really want.
  Is being sick, having an eating disorder really worth it? What are you giving up just to be skinny?

Focus on making NOW good. On making life worth living... dont live your life in your head or in the past. Make changes in your life for the better so that the present will get better. And work on your MENTAL thoughts. Because an ED is a mental illness, so you need to get rid of your ED thoughts and habits... work on healthy habits. on a healthy life!!!


  1. It took me quite a while to realize how an eating disorder is a mental illness.. and I've been battling thoughts in my head constantly since -- but choosing to live for the future, letting go of all negatives and pushing forwards {both thoughts and literally} is the key to wanting to fully recover!


  2. This is exactly what I needed to read Izzy, thank you! Xxx