Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Friday, August 7, 2015

Cheating with the scale and how to stop caring about your weight

Recently i have gotten alot of emails where people are telling me that they are cheating with the scale. That they do these tricks before they are weighed at the clinic/treatment centre they go to.

I've been there, i've done that. Infact i once got surprise weighed and suddenly my weight had gone down 5kg in just a day because i hadn't 'cheated' before i got weighed... that resulted in increasing my meal plan, getting extra energy drinks but also ending up in a sort of inpatients again. (At the hotel/extra inpatients bit at Mando). I thought I had been super clever, i had been fooling my case manager and the doctor, i mean i had been so close to only going to day patients a few times a week, not being there as long because my weight was going up.... but in a matter of a few days everything had come tumbling down again once they figured out i was cheating with the scale.
  All i was doing was cheating myself. Because in the end, it was ME who took the consequences. ME who spent extra time in hospital. ME who had the dietitian, case manager, doctor, staff at Mando and my mum all stare and shout at me. Give me their dirty looks. It was ME who had caused even more problems for myself.
  And for what? To pretend to gain weight... how long had i been planning to do that... i was no where near my goal weight when i was cheating with the scale. Was i really planning on drinking say 10L of water before a weigh in, just so that i didn't have to actually reach my goal weight.... is it even possible to drink that much? Not really.
   In the end, i had to gain the weight anyway...  i cheated with my food, i cheated with the scale, i exercised when i shouldn't have. I purged, i restricted etc... but in the end, it didn't get me anywhere. It just got me more time in hospital.

So all i can say is, ITS NOT WORTH IT. It might ease your anxiety now, but you will have to gain the weight. But also, ask yourself How healthy is it really? To care so much about a few kilo. Your body NEEDS that weight. Its not like your doctor has just picked a random number and sits there laughing at himself, thinking he is so funny to make you gain that weight. NO, its a weight which your body will function properly at. A weight which will make your brain, your organs and everything else work. So you have energy, so that you can live your life. The number is NOT too high.
   You can spend your whole life, scared of the scale. Not wanting to reach your healthy weight, but think of the damage you are doing to your body?

I mean if you cheat with the scale so the doctors think you are your healthy weight and you get to begin living life again, i can promise wont be long until you fall back again. Because you haven't let go of your ED. If you have let go of your ED then reaching your goal weight wouldn't a problem.
  This was something which took a long time for me to realise, i kept trying to compromise with my case manager, with my ED. Saying that 55kg should be my goal weight. That that was high enough, i mean i had never weighed more than that in my life, so why should i have to weigh 60kg. However my case manager (Infact she was one of the best ones i had through out my whole time there! She was such a lovely person :)) she told me directly that If i was healthy, if i had a healthy mind like i claimed i did, then gaining to my goal weight wouldn't be a problem. Because its just a number. Just like a normal body goes up and down 2kg, that shouldn't bother me.

And THAT was almost like a slap in the face to me, it was then that i realise that actually... i didnt have a healthy mind. Because i was trying to compromise with my ED. My ED was telling me that i couldn't reach my goal weight, but why couldn't i? I had overcome so much already, so why not go all the way and reach my goal weight... then see what happens. And so i did with extra food and rest.

So be honest with yourself, are you actually healthy? Or is there still a voice in your head controlling you? Trying to compromise with you?

The number on the scale shouldn't matter. Its your bodies mass... your organs, your bones, your muscles, your hair etc so why care about the number.
   Don't let it bother you, the number SHOULDN'T affect you. Its something you need to learn to overcome, realise that being a healthy weight, having a healthy body and mind is more important that a certain number.

Think like this, if you go to the moon you would be ALOT lighter... so if you want to weigh X kilo or less....Go live on the moon. Then you can have your dream weight.

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