Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, August 30, 2015

Cafe tips, weight talk and running photos

Hello :)

Ive spent the last 2 hours mostly lying in bed, with a stomach pain :( Everything got a little bit late and time dragged on so in the end i decided to not go to my friends house. It sucks, i would have liked to meet her before she left, but i would have been there by 6.30pm, and everyone was there by 2pm, so i knew that there was no point. Instead i followed with my parents to a shopping centre where they had to get a few things and instead i went to a cafe i found which served lots of delicious salads, juices, raw food cakes and bars and other delicious food. I ordered myself a chicken, avocado and egg salad with bulgur and sun dried tomatoes as well as a ginger, apple and pear juice.  While my family did their shopping i sat and ate, though i ended up getting alot of stomach pain. And i think its time for me to realise that there are certain foods, including sun dried tomatoes which my stomach just cant seem to cope. Each time i have eaten them the past few months i have had the same pain...... i dont want to admit that its true because i LOVE sun dried tomatoes. Put a jar with 300g sundried tomatoes in oil infront of me and i will eat it all.... though it feels like the stomach pain afterwards isnt worth it. There are other foods i need to avoid as well, but i am not going to mention them here as it can be triggering to some, and well... foods i dont eat or need to avoid are personal and affect no one else but myself.

Even though i got a stomach pain from the food, due to a bad choice, i can still highly recommend this cafe. I think its a new business, but if not... try it.

Otherwise this evening my mum had a talk to me about food and exercise. She likes to have these check ups with me because of my past, and just making sure that everything is going well with me. Also i have lost weight recently, and she notices that and thinks that i have gotten too skinny recently, so she wanted to make sure that everything was going well. I am still eating lots, but maybe because i have been feeling so low i havent gotten enogh, or my body is just burning lots (i admit, i am constantly warm all the time, or freezing cold), or my body just isnt absorbing the nutrients/energy at the moment. But i am focusing on regaining the weight, as i know that the weight i am at usually is where my body feels best. I really dont focus on the number and all honestly i dont care what the number is, as long as its a healthy weight for me. But i know that i need to regain the weight because my body is healthiest and happiest there. For my own strength and energy levels, of course i am still a healthy weight and BMI! 
For me the most important thing is feeling happy, healthy, energetic and strong. And well, all 4 of those have been a little low lately, or not my strength. But i mean, i could feel and be stronger!

Whenever anonymous people attack me online or accuse me of being orthorexic or still being sick i always tell them that my family would know before anyone online. Because of my past both my mum and sister are very observant of me, they would notice if i were to change my behaviour such as cutting food groups or mixing with food or if i were to begin doing lots of exercise. They know how often i go to the gym, roughly 5-6 days a week and my sister often works out at the same time/with  me. Also they see the huge meals i eat and when i go back for more, which isnt posted online. It can be annoying when you feel yourself being analyzed at times, but i dont personally mind because i have nothing to hide or be worried about. Of course i think it is great that my mum has discussions like this. Because then i can tell her exactly my thoughts regarding food and exercise. Its important to have dicussions like that with your family, but also because if someone has had an eating disorder it is easier to relapse or to develop another eating disorder. And unfortunatly many people who "recover" from eating disorders just turn to exercise and "clean eating" to control their food, and it is a problem, it isnt healthy if its an obsession or due to control issues. But if i can talk about my thoughts and how i think regarding those subjects then we have an open discussion and she doesnt have to be worried. I do understand her, and other peoples worry, especially when it comes to exercising so often. 

Anyway, this post became very long, but i thought it was a good thing and instead of being irritated or angry like i would have been in the past, when hiding secrets. Now i see it as a positive thing, she does it now and again and it is good :) 

Onto some of the photos my step dad took today!
(Had run 9,5km at this point and i was pretty tired, but kept a smile on my face anyway!)
(Photos are unedited - as all my photos are. But usually when my step dad takes photos he fixes the lighting and that, but today he didnt have time :))


  1. Sooo was it the first time your family saw your tattoo ? What did they say ? The pictures look real good :) Carine.

  2. I think you will feel better on all areas if you gain weight. I can not follow the BMI scale, because even though I have a normal BMI according to the scale I will feel awful if my weights drop too low. Lowest normal BMI is way too low for me. For me to feel healthy, happy and have the energy i need i have to have a weight that is much higher on on the 'normal BMI scale' than lowest possible (if that makes sense). To gain weight you should drink less energy drinks, eat less fluff (its only air, as you know) and eat less melon (low calorie) and more energy rich foods and drinks. Too skinny is not good for you physical or mental health. :)

    1. I'm glad to see someone saying that they know that the natural, happy, healthy set-point is a lot higher than the lowest on the BMI scale. It helps the rest of us too :-)

  3. Of course I can't judge but I do think you've lost weight by seeing recent photos. But I also trust you that it wasn't intentional, it's natural for our weights to flactuate. Recently, I've lost almost 2kg in a week (don't even know how) and despite still being a healthy weight, I can feel the difference. Makes me appreciate health even more! :) I am trying to maintain (after a relapse), and know it's now risky that I might relapse again, you know "I've lost weight but still ate foods I like, might as well lose more" thoughts. 

    You look so happy in these photos, and tanned as well! Seems like a nice course of the race. Are your long socks special? Just being curious why they are this long, I rarely see those :)

    Some time ago, you mentioned A agreed for photos of him to be shown on your blog, are you going to do that? Sorry for being nosy, I simply wonder what your boyfriend looks like :) Of course it is up to you, discretion is absolutely understandable, especially online :) 
    Have a wonderful new week and a wonderful race on Saturday! (If you're gonna sign up for it that is.)

  4. thanks for being so honest izzy, its hard to admit when you've lost weight and even harder to make the decision to regain the weight (well for me anyway). This just goes to show how strong you are for not letting things slip. I have to admit you do look like you've lost weight but its not my place to judge and thus i haven't until now. But maybe it'll be a good guide for all of us in how to regain lost weight as i know i have lost a bit lately and i think i have been cutting back on things as i got scared and shaved off bits so now I'm finding it hard to up again but today i am making the decision to up my intake again. if you can help in how to not listen to eds voice saying you need to stay this weight or go lower then id find it really helpful thanks. But only if you have time. For now maybe you could have an extra helping or break out the chocolate or pancakes or whatever else you fancy. You will always be gorgeous but like you say you feel better in yourself at a higher weight. Great race pics by the way - proud of u and thats nice for your mum to look out for u xx