Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, August 8, 2015

Bad body image days

Izzy, I just don't understand how anyone with a smoking hot body like yours can ever have days where feeling fat! I do not understand it! It makes no sense at all to me :/ You are perf - botj on the inside and outside!

I think your comment was a really good one which is why I decided to answer you in a post.  Many people think that if someone has a body type or body image which is seen "ideal" then it seems weird that that person would have bad body image days.

I know that my boyfriend can't really understand when I have bad body image days because he thinks I have a great body. But there are times when I dislike myself and feel uncomfortable in my body and the last thing I want is for someone to hug me or to touch my stomach or thighs etc but that isn't always easy to tell your partner. Days when I have bad body image days I don't let it stop me from living life though I prefer to wear clothes that I'm comfortable in, don't show too much skin and try to avoid too much physical contact as that just makes me more aware of my current discomfort. But I know that those days and feelings pass.

I don't think I have a perfect body by any standards,  but I have a healthy body and do like my body 90%of the time. I try to focus more on what my body can do rather than how it looks because then you get to stuck in your appearance, staring in mirrors and focusing on the visual. And then once you are bloated or your body changes,  then all your confidence and happiness is gone because it was all based on looking a certain way. Though just because I think like that doesn't mean that I don't have bad body image days. I personlig believe that bad body images are due to other things and not actually your body. Granted when you bloat you are more likely to feel a little more down because bloating is uncomfortable as well as having a stomach that sticks out alot isn't fun.  But in general I get bad body image days when I am tired, stressed, anxiety, haven't eaten enough. Even if at the time I don't think of those things and I just "feel fat" and avoid the mirror like a plague.  but deep down I know that I am not fat, that I haven't suddenly gained lots of weight and that my body hasn't drastically changed overnight. So the problem isn't actually my body, it's what is in my head. It's too much stress or anxiety, too little sleep or too little food. Which is why that people at any size or any weight can have bad body image days. You can't always be on top, but you can try to think rationally and change the thoughts.

Body confidence, body love and body acceptance don't just come from being a certain size. They come from your mental state and your thoughts.  Working on loving and accepting yourself, not needing approval from others but also being happy in yourself and your body. Not comparing yourself to others. Don't think that just because you lose or gain weight that suddenly you will be super confident in your body or love your body. That is something you need to work on and accept.  It's like the quote goes, "you can't hate yourself into something you love".


  1. just clicked on this post and saw that im wearing the same top as you haha :)

  2. It was me who made the comment ^_^ That was a really great answer! PS: I check your blog like five times a day to see if there are any interesting comments or new posts, haha.
    If this isn't too "triggering" or something for the other readers, I wanna ask you one more thing: You look so slim, but not bony or unhealthy skinny - you look fit, strong and healthy. I look bigger than you (I think, or different body atleast), but: you weigh more than me. You are like 4 cm taller than me, but weigh 7 kg more than me! But you still look smaller than me. Is this because you do strenght training and therefore have quite some muscle? I mean you do have more muscle than me, for sure, but will more muscle make one look smaller or decrease in measurement? I want to have a healthy body fat percentage so I will still have my period, but if I gain muscle (I do strenght training and I am gradually becoming stronger. I did 62,5 kg romanian deadlift x5 reps yesterday :) ) - will I then look smaller or bigger? I don't care about the number on the scale - I measure in progress at the gym B-)

    1. Someone else here - obviously - but another gym member anyway.

      'Looking' is the worst method for validating body. I'm not saying that you should use measuring tape instead - oh no no - but asking you to understand that there's no point in comparing two different, functional and strong bodies. The two build up differently. Besides, you can't not look fit, strong and healthy with those lifts! That's that.

      Muscle only looks like muscle, to be honest. It grows, you know. It doesn't make anyone (look) smaller but healthier in some people's eyes - apparently in yours', for example. There's no need, either, to aim for smaller if you are at a healthy setpoint as your periods roll normally. You will (slllllowly) gain some size as your muscles grow but it certainly won't look like fat.

      If you just can, don't think of it as a body transformation. Think that it's pumping and flexing instead. People don't flex being afraid to look bigger, do they?

      - Katriina

    2. Thank you :)
      Well you have to remember that people have different body shapes and look differently due to genetics. Muscle is more compact than "fat" so you can look "slimmer" in some ways or look "toned" (hate that word) but it takes time to build muscle and as you do that the scale can go up. But it's great that you don't care about that. I know that if I didn't strength train I would still be skinny/borderline underweight and have tiny arms because that is how I looked all my life until I began to strength train and decided I wanted bigger/more muscular arms. I can't really tell you how you will look with strength training as that is very individual, but you won't look bulky anyway. That would take years of hard work and even then it's very individual and maybe not the "right /legal" way of building muscle.

      I would focus instead on accepting and loving your body. Not comparing it to others, and if you want to strength train... do that :) it's awesome and it will change your body in some ways but it doesn't happen over night.

  3. Hi Izzy, i'm sorry for this question but... You have cellulite? I'm gaining back the weight that i lost in my ED, so i'm starting to get some cellulite and that makes me feel "impure", and i just want to feel normal and be ok with that :/

    1. Yeah i have cellulite on my legs :) it's normal so don't worry about it. I even have stretch marks... though I think that's due to strength training. You shouldn't feel impure there is absaloutly nothing wrong with cellulite or stretch marks, those things are normal and cellulite happens more on women than men because of how the fat is stored, it's just how the body works. Try not to focus so much on things like that, you are more than cellulite, you are more than your body and your worth is not in your body. Those things aren't flaws. Stay focused on recovery and don't let this stop you from gaining weight :)

    2. Just letting you know that I too have got cellulite! It's just the body's way of storing fat (which is an essensial ORGAN for hormones btw), and it may look different from person to person due to genetics etc. When I got them I was a bit upset at first, but then I noticed that pretty much everyone has them my age, and got over it. Now I don't even bother - noone notices it anyway :) So take a chill pill and wait for the "accepting thoughts" to arrive ;)

  4. Izzy, your words allways help me so much!! :)

  5. I love these kind of Posts Izzy! It's so hard to accept your body and I struggle every day in recovery, but I know it will pay off one day and find my inner peace :)

  6. This post helped me so much, Izzy! <3 Have a great day!