Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: email@example.com
Sunday, August 16, 2015
3 years healthy - what happens after recovery from a restrictive eating disorder (masterpost)
August 16th 2015 and today I am 3 years declared healthy. Some might think it is silly to remember the date, maybe it is. I mean the whole part of recovering is letting go of your eating disorder, leaving it in the past. But i think an inner celebration, an inner pat on the back is ok atleast. The only real reason i remember the date though is because the midnight run is usually on the 15th, and my best friends birthday is on the 15th and i remember that i was declared healthy the day after!
3 years has passed quickly, and it is usually after the 3 year mark that the chance of relapse is less, though its up to 5 years before there is very little chance of relapse. But life is life, and i know from these past 3 years that it can be easy to relapse... that when life is tough and you arent feeling strong enough, then it can be easy to resort to bad behaviours to cope. But i also know that it is not worth it.... that life is so much more than the hell of an eating disorder or depression.
Have these past 3 years been easy, or been a bunch of roses and unicorns just because i went through a tough stage beforehand? No... recovering is one of the hardest things you will do, but life can throw you curveballs anyway. But when you have recovered from an eating disorder you learn to cope in healthy ways and not resort to bad coping methods. You learn to deal with the ups and downs... and you know that if you do begin to fall, you can pick yourself back up again and not let yourself fall all the way down.
The first year after i had recovered life was not at all how i had imagined... i thought life would be exactly how i had dreamed it, but that was not the case. And shortly after reaching my goal weight and being declared healthy (also i felt healthy at that time, mentally and physically). But life and stress knocked me down again and by Christmas 2012 i was very depressed again and had thoughts of suicide as life just didnt seem worth it. I thought life would be good, that it would be easy... but it wasn't. Now of course i know that life is what you make it to be... i was still very weak at that time, after spending so many years with low insecurity, being stuck in hospital, basically not living life or socializing with people for the past 2 years and suddenly trying to fit in and make friends. It wasn't easy... and i also struggled with finding balance with exercise. I "hit the wall" so to say with exercise which also lead to my depression and exhaustion, too much exercise, too much stress, too little food, too much negativity and hate. Not a good combination.
But i promised myself New Years 2013, after an awful New years eve, that i would make 2013 a good year. And so 2013 and 2014 were the years i focused on finding myself, loving myself, getting stronger mentally and physically, stepping outside of my comfort zone. Focused on being the happiest and healthiest version of myself! Mistakes were made, bad times happened, sadness took over at times... but i didnt let that stop me or break me. Instead i stood tall anyway. And year 2015 has been "My year". The year where so much positivity has happened, so many things have changed in my life.... and even if there have been tough times, stressful times and times i have just wanted to give up, i have kept going. Because in the end i believe life is worth it, even if i struggle to see it at times. But i know that if i keep thinking positive, keep having dreams and goals, keep going even when it feels like walking through mud. I know i can reach my goals and dreams, i know that life is what i make it and so i choose to make it positive. Also vowed myself to never ever go back to how i was before. To never have food, exercise and self hate rule my life. Food and exercise are part of my life, but they do not control me like before. They are my interests, i love food and i love making food look good (and most importantly - taste good!), and i love many forms of exercise. Those things bring me enjoyment and happiness, but my family, my friends, my dog, my bed, series, late night talks, travelling... all those things also make me happy and are a part of my life!
3 years is a long time, alot has happened and i have grown ALOT and my mental state has changed alot. I have found myself, found peace with myself... dont have that vicscious voice that tells me i am awful, that i am worthless, disgusting and better off dead. I now have a positive voice, most of the time and change my negative thoughts to positive ones because i know that life is so much better when you can see things in a positive way, not focus on the negatives!!!
I know recovery is tough and it doesnt always seem worth it, but it is!!! You need to find yourself, find your coping methods and MAKE life worth it. Because life is what you make it... and if you only focus on the bad things or think that nothing is worth it and everything is awful.... well thats exactly how it will be.
3 years recovered and i am proud over how far i have come and how i keep growing and learning as each year passes, becoming a stronger person mentally and learning to cope with the curveballs of life!
Below are some helpful posts about post recovery which you might useful. However, what happens after recovery is very individual, just like recovery. I can't tell you that you wont develop another eating disorder or that you wont relapse, i cant tell you that you will instantly find balance with your food or that you wont begin over exercising, i can't tell you that life will be easy and everything will go super. I made mistakes after recovery, i did stupid things, but i learnt from that and that is what is important. That you can learn from those mistakes, grow from them and hopefully not repeat the same mistakes. That is also part of being reco ered, being strong enough to not listen to the "voice" if it ever does pop into your head again. To go against those thoughts and know better.
Almost my goal weight - July (?) 2012
Time to run the midnight run - August 15th 2015