Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: email@example.com
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Trying to find peace when you have an inner stress
These past few weeks my sleep has been terrible... i've been lucky if i can sleep 6 hours, but its been around 4-6 hours each night. I havent felt that tired though which is nice, ive still had lots of energy but then at night ive just lain awake and havent been able to sleep.
Yesterday and today i have been thinking about why i've felt this way. Why i havent been able to sleep and i think its because i feel this inner stress.... this nagging anxiety and stress inside of me. And i havent been able to pinpoint why or what it is, but when thinking about it i've realised its because i feel i just want some quiet time. I feel that what i need and want right now is to not have any 'musts'. To not have to be somewhere, to not have to travel, to not have things i have to do. To know that i dont have to be anywhere or do anything, and just be able to do nothing for a few days. To be on my own, to recharge and unwind. The only time i feel i have peace is when i am at the gym or out walking or running.... then its like i relax, the stress and weird feelings go away. I feel calm, relaxed and very happy. Though i still feel very happy and positive in general now anyway, even if i have these weird feelings.
I think the first step is to realise what i feel and why and the second step is to do something about it. I think i need a day or a few days where i dont do so much, where i can get up at 11am if that is what i feel like... not feel like i have wasted the day then. Not have to be somewhere at 11am or do something at 12pm... just do whatever i feel like. On Friday i am going camping and hopefully that will help me relax... though i do have a little anxiety about it, which i think is adding to all these weird feelings. I dont know what to expect with camping, whether i will like it or not.... no control at all which is both positive and negative. All these mixed feelings at the moment, hard to know what i really feel.
But i think it will be nice to come home this evening, to just relax somewhat. Though on Thursday its a day of having lots to do and then early Friday morning we leave... so not sure how much relax time i will actually get. But doing some colouring therapy will hopefully help!!! :)
Not sure why i am writing this, i think i just felt i needed to write out my thoughts and it helps a little. To clarify my thoughts and feelings!! :)
Also now that it is July 1st, my goal for this month is to get rid of these feelings and to try to get 8 hours sleep each night. Find time to mentally relax and not feel so stressed!