Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Thursday, July 30, 2015

If I look big now, how will I look when I gain even more? (Eating disorder recovery)

A common thought and question which I get asked is, if I look big/normal/healthy now how will I look when I gain even more?
This trail of thought isn't uncommon. When you have roughly 3-6kg your body functions more normally, you might already have gained weight and you feel normal and people might also comment that you look better,  that you look healthier. And that is just clarification that you look better,  right. And that is exactly what it is, so don't turn it into something negative where you think that you don't need to gain more weight because people are telling you that you look better.  Instead take it as a compliment and realise that the weight you might have already gained is actually making you look better,people are telling you that and you need to believe them. And it also means that those last few kilo you gain will make you look even better.

If you look at my previous post (HERE) where I show pictures through my recovery. During the beginning of 2012 when I began relapsing I felt huge. I felt fat and hated my body, I  had already gained 15kg and had about 5kg more to gain and I thought I would turn into a ball with those last 5kg. I thought those 5kg would turn me obese or overweight,  but if you see photos from 2012 to now, there is a 10kg difference.  And I am not fat or overweight.

 And 5kg, that doesn't make much difference to your body at all. It just adds energy to your life, adds sparkle and shine to your skin, makes your hair and nails healthier,  it makes you healthier! ! Those last few kilo you need to gain will actually make you think healthier,  can make you feel better in your body and even if you weigh more you might actually feel better in your body, feel thinner. Feel more comfortable in your body, I know this might seem unbelievable but that is what happened to me. It seemed awful to have to gain the last bit of weight, but I knew I had to and suddenly my thoughts were healthier,  and I felt better in my body even though I was eating more and had gained more. Seems strange,but it isn't.  Because when you nourish your body properly and you reach a healthier weight it is easier for the mind to think healthier as well. I have also had many people email me and tell me that they experienced the same thing, even if they might not have believed me when I told them that gaining those last few kilo won't be the end of the world and won't make you overweight.

Also think logically if you medically need to gain weight then there is no way that you are overweight or will be over weight with just a few kilo of weight gain. It can be hard to believe especially when you are stuck in the thoughts of feeling huge, but atleast try to gain the weight and focus on being positive.

It can also be good to remember that the body naturally goes up and down 2-3kg throughout a day due to water, food, hormones etc so the scale.doesnt matter so much.
If you struggle with getting comments I have a post about that,  click HERE.

And some more posts which can be helpful:


  1. This has always been a big issue for me, as I actually never been "that skinny". I have thought that "if i'm not that skinny now when I sick and don't eat that much, how will I then become if I start eating as I should?!". It's just hard to accept the thought of it not being all about the weight, and even if it's not all physically visible, it can be as hard as ever inside. I actually experience the relapse I'm in right now, being much more hard, mentally, than when I was sick, some years ago, even if I'm not that skinny as I where.


  2. I found as time wore on, my mind came to accept it and I learned to love my body more and more.