Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, July 9, 2015

How a relationship can change your view on your body

I got asked about how a relationship/sexual relationship can help boost your own body confidence or even change your view on your body. And my personal opinion/view on this is that a sexual relationship can both be positive and negative for your body image.

It can be positive because when you are in a relationship you hug, your partner might touch places like your hips, stomach, thighs etc... which are areas which some people find as problem areas. For me personally, i am the type of person who hates hugging. I have never let my family hug me and only hug friends if i have to... but i just dont like hugging. However since being in a relationship with my boyfriend i have done alot of hugging and gotten used to it.... am i the first person to start the hug, not really, but i dont mind being hugged. Also, getting used to the fact that he touches my belly and hips etc, that would have been a big problem for me before but now i dont mind... i dont worry about having to suck in my stomach or worry what he thinks of my body. Or i dont worry too much.... because that can be the negative thing about being in a relationship.... you begin worrying, do you need to change. You might begin worrying too much about your body, wondering what your partner thinks about your body. You might become a little too obsessed about your body, end up not wanting your partner to see you or touch you. I definitely have times when i wonder what my boyfriend thinks of my body.... whether he thinks i have 'too much muscle', or look weird etc etc and even if he tells me i look good or am beautiful it can be hard to accept it.

I know i like how i look and like how my body looks, i am happy in my own body, but at times (when i have bad body image days) i wonder what he thinks. But also when you have a bad body image day you might not feel like showing your body, instead you want to cover up and not have anyone touch you. But sometimes all you need is a hug to make you feel better or have someone honestly tell you that you look good, even when you dont feel it yourself.

So does a sexual relationship give you confidence in yourself and your body? It can do.... i mean you can end up seeing your body from another persons point of view, not just in your own critical view. But you realise that someone likes you for who YOU ARE, and likes the way you look. The important thing is to be in a relationship where you can talk, be happy with the other person. A relationship is not just about sex, for some it might be and for some sex is not at all part of their relationship and that is ok either way.... but for a relationship to last there has to be more than just a sexual connection because eventually that will go away. Just like a relationship shouldnt just be based on appearance, because appearances change.... i mean if your partner were to get seriously injured and could no longer be sexually active, or had many burn marks or became paralysed etc would you still be there with them... or would the relationship end because suddenly your partner didnt look the same or didnt fill all your requirements?

Anyway, that took a bit of a turn of what i was planning to write.... but i think that a sexual relationship can both be positive and negative for ones body image, though it can definitely be a boost of confidence and can make you feel more at peace in your body and yourself, especially when you know that someone actually likes you. It is a nice feeling!


  1. What do you think of the statement "I'll gain weight if it's muscle weight through strength training instead of fat weight" that seems to be many 'recovered' anorexics views/approach and you can easily find examples of such girls with "recovery stories" but then they have built up a lot of muscle. I think there was a girl, Amanda, who you blogged about a long time ago that is extremely buffed up now and it just seems like an extreme at another end of the spectrum and not so much balanced, healthy recovery.

    1. I've written about this before and i think it is very wrong and not a healthy mindset. To be so scared of having fat and only strenght training so that you build muscle and gain muscle weight, not fat. But having fat is essential on your body. And i think people who think that way arent healthy. Its ok to strengtht train, that doesnt have to be a sick thing, but when a person is so scared of having fat and just wants to gain muscle, then its not a healthy mind set.
      I know Amanda personally and we were at Mando at the same time and i dont think she is still sick or has another eating disorder. She is competing in bikini fitness, and i have written my opinion on this, which is that i dont believe that fitness competitions (that are based on appearance) are healthy as they are so focused on body image nad looking a certain way. And it is not a healthy thing to do for your body... but just because you compete in bikini fitness doesnt mean that you have an eating disorder, unfortunatly though many who compete do develop disordered thoughts or an eating disorder. I dont personally know how she feels but i dont believe she is still sick and i dont think its another extreme, as she does seem very balanced. However i dont really feel like talking about other people like this :)

  2. It was my first sexual relationship that made me anorexic. The guy didn't seem to care much about my personal feelings and just wanted something to brag about to his mates. When I confronted him he dumped me for no reason. My self-confidence was shattered as I had never felt good enough for him anyway and I didn't even know what had gone wrong:( but now I'm on the way to recovery after the most challenging 18 months and I'm starting to learn that I am worth more than what he did to me:) relationships are both a blessing and a curse <3

    1. You are worth much more than a guy, believe that!! He is not worth harming your body for. You can do it.

    2. Ohh i am so sorry to hear this. What a douchebag, but it good that its over now and you can learn to love yourself!! You are so much more than a guy and you are beautiful, what matters is what you think of yourself. Dont ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself or your appearance, and if they do... then get rid of them from your life!!

  3. really good post! xo