Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Everyone else is exercising, so why cant I?

Something which ive noticed more and more, is that people who are recovering from an eating disorder are turning to exercise Way to early.
   And this isnt healthy... For me, i wasnt allowed to exercise until i was 2-4kg away from my goal weight. And then it was light and moderate exercise that was key. No long runs, no heavy weight lifting, no extreme exercise.. light exercise like walking, swimming for 30 minutes, a jog for 30 minutes etc

The type of thinking like Im just gaining fat... im just going to be fat when ive reached my goal weight, 'normal' people and others recovering and exercising. I want muscle, instead of fat.
   I also have people emailing me asking how they can gain muscle and no fat...

And i just want to hug you all... this type of thinking is SO wrong. You have to realise that you are underweight... even if it might not feel like it, you might feel huge, or fat or whatever when you look in the mirror. But that ISNT true.
   You are NOT going from normal weight to over weight, then yes... gaining fat might not be optimal. But you are going from underweight to a healthy weight. And you arent just gaining fat, if thats what you think... your bones are getting stronger, your hair and nails are growing, your organs are repairing themselves, your muscles becoming stronger - even if you might not physically be working them, your muscles are getting energy. Water weight, bone density, a little fat which redistributes itsself, muscle, organs etc...
  No its not just fat you are gaining.

And no, you cant just gain muscle mass without putting on a little fat. Unless you have super help frmo a PT who knows perfectly what they are doing.
  But also, from what i have read from many people emailing me.... those of you who email me wanting to gain muscle, arent actually eating enough for it. Eating low calories while exercising lots and hoping for muscle gain isnt how it works. For me, i had to eat lots more, cut out most cardio and focus on HEAVY weights & of course 1-2 rest days a week for best recovery for my muscles.
But you need to ask yourself... do you just want to build muscle so that you weigh more on the scale? Thats another way of cheating the scale.
   You can try to lie your way to a healthy weight, But you cant trick your body. If you have muscles and very little fat procent, and have a 'healthy' weight because of your muscles... your body knows better. You might not get your period if you are a girl... granted, guys can have a much lower fat procent and more muscles without being unhealthy. But for females, we NEED a certain fat procent. Its healthy... there is nothing wrong with it.
   To have some tummy rolls or fat you can 'pinch' there is nothing wrong with that.

And i KNOW it can seem awful that girls and guys on IG and other social media sites are supposedly recovering but seem to do a hellalot of exercise, running several times a week and eating salad and veggies... Ive been there... in BOTH situations. The girl jealous of everyone else in recovery who was thinner than me exercising, but also been the girl running 7 days a week and eating salad while supposedly recovering.
  But i LEARNT my lesson... i realised what i was doing was wrong. But also, its left me with hip, knee and lowerback pain from all the exercise i was doing.
You need to realise that you arent going to turn fat just because you arent exercising. Infact, its healthier for you to wait until you reach your healthy weight to begin exercising - if thats what you want. Not everyone likes exercise, and thats perfectly fine aswell :)
  But when you are a healthy weight, your body will have more energy. It will have the proper fuel and energy for your workouts. It wont break down muscles to try to fuel your exercise. But also, you will nourish yourself better as well. Your body wont fight against you, or be under loads of pressure to try to repair itsself. It will feel and be healthy.
Also, there is a consequence if you  are a girl that too much exercise while recovering can lead to amenorrhea as your body is under so much stress from both trying to recover, and all the stress from exercise.
  And the longer your period is gone for, the less likely it is to come back..... so think of that. Many of the girls you see on IG who are exercising all the time, can actually be infertile as they have damaged themselves so much.
While i was sick, i had no interest for guys, sex or any of that.. and said that i would rather be infertile than have to eat or stop exercising. Now of course i am VERY happy that my body is healthy and functioning properly!
Here are some links to posts and information that might help you/inform you:


  1. Great post! what you would you say about someone who is recovering from an eating disorder such as bulimia which can make you gain weight, so that person is of normal weight, overweight, because they may also use exercise in a negative way? xo

    1. If someone uses exercise in an unhealthy way then its not good no matter what their weight is.

  2. when you say your goal weight, was that like a bmi of 19. My doctor says my goal weight is a bmi of 20 and that seems kind of high!!

    1. Just my experience but when I was in recovery I was told that the BMI thresholds have changed over the years. They were lowered because originally they were mainly applicable to the western body type. People began to realise that Asians often have a smaller body frame and naturally weigh less so the underweight benchmark needed to lowered to account for this. I was told that most people seem to feel best/function best when at BMI of 21-22.... To fully recover I do believe you need to not be at the bare minimum BMI (after all its just an arbitrary formula (weight in kilograms divided by height in meters squared).... I think that the mentality of focusing so much on it is a sign of not full recovery. So seeing 20 as 'high' is not really true. A BMI of 24 is high but still within normal bounds.

      I may be misinterpreting your question in that you may be asking Izzy for her particular goal weight in which case you may already agree with and be aware of the above but just in case you were asking about goal weights in general I thought I would share my thoughts...

    2. thanks, I was asking izzy what hers was but I guess everyone is different. I just have a hard time imagining myself a bmi of 20. I know it is only 9 lbs or so away from my weight now, but I want to exercise and I am within the healthy range now so I just want to know if I can do so safely at a bmi of (almost 19)...

    3. Well my goal weight was a BMI of 19, but now i am BMI 21 i think... but in general i am not a big believer of BMI because everyone has different healthy set points and the BMI just measures your weight not taking into consideration muscles, water etc etc
      BMI 20 isnt so much and as the anonymous above said when you recover from an eating disorder your body often needs to be a higher weight to feel safer and to function properly. So aiming for BMI 20 is a good idea :) If you are BMI 19 or higher then i think its ok to start exercising again, though you should talk to your family/doctor/nutrionist about this. Dont worry about your weight or BMI, let your body take care of those things and listen to your doctor, they know what they are doing. It can seem daunting and terrible to reach your goal weight, but its not... focus on your thoughts and learning to love your body .Forget about the numbers because they really dont mean so much.

  3. I have the same question?? What do you mean when you say goal weight?? A BMI of 19??

    1. Yes my goal weight gave me a BMI of 19 i think... somewhere around there anyway. But now i am BMI 21 or something :)

  4. Definitely agree with everything here. I wish I had not been so obsessed when it came to exercise- it definitely would have helped me heal much faster. It is so easy to just sit and mope about why everyone else can exercise as much as they want while you get to sit and 'get fat'. However it is so important for one's body to be able to rest and repair. It is not for 'forever' that you can't exercise- just until your body is balanced again. The more patient you are, the healthier you will feel if you decide to get back into it :).