Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Thursday, June 18, 2015

Feeling extra low, dealing with disappointment and excitement at the same time

A day filled with low energy, too many thoughts and too many feelings. I feel sorry for my boyfriend who spent the day with me. I think he just thought it was hormones but I don't know what it was, no matter how hard I tried my smile was just fake and I kept drifting off into my own thoughts.  A little bubble of sadness and I felt like escaping from the world for a while. I couldn't seem to make myself feel happy or positive. 

But then we decided to book the tickets to Gothenburg and the theme park Liseberg. Apart from the realisation of just how much it will cost - the downfall of becoming an adult,you realise the price of things and need to pay for things on your own XD

   But we booked a hotel and the train to and from Gothenburg.  I was feeling positive and happy, it was exciting and well a new step of our relationship.
However as we sat eating dinner I realised that we had booked the trop the same weekend I am (or was supposed to :( ) Run the Nike womens 10km.  At that moment it was a mix of laughing at my stupidity and my world coming crashing down.....

  The amount of disappointment I felt at that moment can not be described in words. I tried to smile but I just felt like curling into a ball and refusing to do anything.... I did not want to smile. If you know me, then you know that Yes, I do priortize races before other things. And this race I booked in January and have been sooo excited for it. And suddenly my stupidity and not looking at the dates correctly means that I will miss the run and also I am not sure if I can sell my place. So then that is wasted money as well....

Anyway,  the rest of the evening my disappointment grew and grew and I just wanted to cry. (We can not rebook the train tickets so we would have to pay roughly €150 for new tickets). But I tried being positive and trying to think rational... I mean I can run the race next year and instead enjoy the weekend away. But still. ... A part of me hurts and is disappointed. But mostly disappointed in myself and how I didn't think properly....

But for now the only thing I can do is let myself feel disappointed and know that it will pass. It's silly but when you are passionate about something and looking forward to something it sucks when things go wrong... but I guess that's life and it's good to deal with things like this. For now I need to deal with how I am feeling and a few days away will most probably be good for me.

Edit: (Wrote the post yesterday evening)... ive thought about it all evening and morning and i know that if i dont atleast try to change the dates, i will feel really awful knowing that i didnt try. i dont think my boyfriend will mind... (i hope not anyway). So i'm going to see what i can do today... whether its possible for me to rebook train tickets, because it should be fine to change the dates at the hotel.


  1. I am so sorry you've been feeling down, I hope everything works out! xo

  2. I feel with you,izzy! Try to take a deep breath ♡
    Was it possible to change the date?

  3. Aww Izzy I'm so sorry to read about you feeling so down at the moment. I hope the cloud lifts and you can smile properly again soon, without faking it. Take care, rest, do whatever you have to do for the moment to pass. Thinking of you and sending hugs xx