A morning without food or water = chaotic morning and irritable girl.
Nothing went right this morning.... dropped plates, burnt food (to bring lunch with me). The door wouldn't open when I had to leave for the train so stood there for 5 minutes trying to open the door and then had to run for the train. And ended up coming late as the 'department/area' I was going to had moved place in the hospital so had to wander around for 10 minutes. Then I began with lots of blood tests before waiting 90 minutes until my next appointment. I spent that time doing some colouring while watching YouTube videos on my phone. The positive thing is that now there is free wifi at the hospital, so hopefully a few emails will be answered if I feel up to it. Though my day is filled with tests and appointments so not sure how much time I have.
Anyway, then in a state of tiredness, hunger and irritation i made my way to the other side of the hospital to have an ultrasound done though I was in the wrong waiting room so ended up coming a little late to my time, though luckily that wasn't a problem. However realising that I have to pay for all my appointments and tests - when they aren't obligatory, but mandatory - kind of sucks. Ruins my summer a little economically anyway, but I guess that's part of being an adult. Need to spend less on food anyway, hahah.
Now im just after eating lunch (finally!) And going to continue with my day, hoping that things start to get better now. But really I just want this day to be over! !!
After lunch i talked to the doctor and got some 'bad' results. Or all my blood tests and such looked good however there was something which was a little worrying and could mean surgery in the future and something I need to think about. And there is a 90% chance that it is a consequence of my anorexia and it is a long term problem, something I will need to think about. And it sucks.... I get daily heart burn and it can stop me from sleeping due to all my years purging. I get knee, hip and low back pain from my years spent over exercising which are just some of the long term consequences I have because of my eating disorder. At the time you are struggling you don't think about it.... but you can cause long term problems which you might regret in the future. I'm young but will have these problems and things i need to think about for the rest of my life and I still have my CF to deal with everyday. Hearing these types of things sucks, especially when you have no one to blame but yourself.
Though I am not going to dwell on it, all I can do is the best and make some changes to my diet and now i also have another reason for not drinking alcohol.
Life could be worse I guess, it's just to make the best of the situation and life. No point becoming all negative, though thinking about future hospital visits, operations etc gives me the chills as that is the exact thing I want to avoid, but sometimes you can't do anything to stop it. There aren't always precautions you can take or do.
Anyway, too much negativity. Soon it's home time, only 2 hours left :)