Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Monday, June 22, 2015

Be proud of your recovery progress.

Remember that in recovery it is all about small steps forward all the time. You dont magically wake up recovered one day... you dont go from having lots of anxiety to no anxiety in the matter of 24 hours. It is progress and fighting the thoughts in your head all the time. The thing about recovery is that you never have a day off.  You can't.... its not like you do 4 days of eating ok and then one day of no eating. Food is not the problem your head is. When you choose to recover you have to realise that you need to overcome your food problems and stop seeing food as the enemy. It's not that you eat normally and eat food when you are with others and then never eat on your own, thats not recovered. Recovery is a full time thing until you are no longer in recovery because you are recovered.
  Even if recovery is a full time thing, you might still have relapses, but its better to take 2 steps forward and one step back than to not try at all. Its the small steps forward that count and make a difference.

Realise that the small steps you take such as using full fat yoghurt, frying food in oil, adding sauce to your lunch or dinner, drinking juice instead of milk, trying a normal cola instead of diet cola or doing 10 minutes of walking instead of the planned 30 minutes. All of those are steps forward and you should be proud of them. Steps AGAINST your eating disorder, the things that cause the most anxiety and fear, they are the positive ones. Know that when you get anxiety and feel paniced, that means you are doing something right and going against your eating disorder.
  It's like the quote goes, get comfortable with being uncomfortable, because recovery is uncomfortable it's about stepping outside of your comfort zone and doing the things that scare you.

It gets easier and the things that scare you wont scare you forever, but you cant run from the problem and think that things will get better that way. The only way to overcome a fear is to face it.

However my reason for writing this post is to remind you of the small successes and progresses which DO MATTER even if they may be small or seem insignifcant to others, they can be a huge deal to you. I remember when i was recovering i made all these changes which werent noticable to others because they hadnt noticed that i had been cheating with my meal plan. Even if it did cause anxiety because well.... i was going against my eating disorder and i knew that i could still get away with cheating and nobody would notice. I mean i still had the chance to eat less and exercise more, but  somewhere deep inside i knew that was wrong and i wanted to give recovery a chance. Like i wrote in the beginning, you cant have a day off recovery i knew that everyday i had to try my hardest. So i began to feel proud over the small changes i made towards a healthier me.

Following your meal plan without any cheating.
Using normal foods and not eating disorder safe foods.
Trying fear foods.
Eating the correct amounts.
Saying that you are hungry/want food
Buying yourself food when you are hungry
Buying yourself a fear food
Eating extra because you are hungry
Not doing any extra exercise
Not using any unhealthy behaviours
Being able to relax and rest
Using healthy methods of coping 

etc etc

Be proud of your progress. When you defy your eating disorder, even if it may cause guilt and anxiety you are doing the right thing and that is what you need to remember.
   It may be tough now but it will get easier. You just have to keep going, you cant stand still and wonder why nothing is changing or be angry and sad that you are still sick. YOU need to make the changes. You need to find the motivation within yourself to keep going, even when it is tough.

Relapse does happen ,it happened to me but eventually i found my reason to recover again and then it was just to keep fighting again and not let myself fall further into my eating disorder. 2 steps forward and 1 step back is still progress!!

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